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this spring, come see beauty and the beast, a tale of everlasting love. (note: all parts played by john madden.) 12:36 PM Dec 13th from web |
linda ... would you like to ... supersize our relationship *opens up a big mac to reveal a wedding ring* 12:15 PM Dec 13th from web |
bug bites are more appealing if you call them ant hickeys, i think 8:32 PM Dec 11th from web |
it's my way or the hemingway - the hemingway, of course, being alcoholism. 1:46 PM Dec 11th from web |
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why do more speeches start w/ "good morning vietnam" (à la robin williams) than w/ "hey you guys" (in the style of sloth from the goonies) 11:52 AM Dec 11th from web |
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can a brother get some home & garden channel up in this bitch 9:55 AM Dec 11th from web |
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my friends have a cat named afrika & they are getting another 1. i think they should name it "antarktika" but they'll prob. pick "eurkasia" 9:50 AM Dec 11th from web |
what's a good wolf for a novice? i need a starter wolf 7:43 PM Dec 10th from web |
who read "death of a salesman" and was surprised that the salesman died? (i did. it was me. just me. only me. me always and forever.) 7:32 PM Dec 10th from web |
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is it a problem that when i say "that's egg on your face" i actually throw eggs on someone's face? note: the eggs are hard-boiled. 1:09 PM Dec 10th from web |
congress is providing me w/ a bailout so that i can get out of my boredom crisis. $10 gets me a movie & keeps me from failing our nation!!! 12:59 PM Dec 10th from web |
if i know someone named libby, i would call them mad libs. always. 11:57 AM Dec 10th from web |
as a man, i'd only put polly pockets in my pocket. post-date, shed look for condoms & id be all "check my pocket" & she'd play while i slept 9:59 PM Dec 9th from web |
some people have gaydar, i have "axe-body-spray-dar". which sometimes is the same thing. 6:50 PM Dec 9th from web |
i'm starting to smell TOO good. time to mix it up and start using oderant again. 6:43 PM Dec 9th from web |