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At the father-daughter dance.
Kid Rock song playing about whiskey, pot, and sex.
I'd mind, but my kid is already drunk, high, and pregnant. |
Fight with the wife at breakfast.
Couldn't even finish my meal.
Of course, I ate all the bacon. |
@smartasshat Your reply was so laden with irony,
I am no longer anemic. |
Have a great weekend tweeps. |
Friday: when 3:00 is the new 5:30. |
We all know OJ is REALLY going away for stealing
95's Worst Supporting Actor Razzie from Shatner in Star Trek:Generations.
Also some murder. |
Fargo will be re-released next month.
as a documentary about the fall of the Big 3.
Special DVD commentary by the wood chipper. |
@scottsimpson I'll bring your observation to the attention of management in our next conference call.
For now, you know what to do. |
Zigged When I Should Have Zagged
#6wordepitaph |
The recession will make Christmas awesome.
My daughter will grow to love her Xmas-sweet 16-college grad-wedding combo pack.
Of Dentyne Ice. |
Bad news: did some "sleep-showering" this morning.
Good news: eating Noxzema is strongly hallucinogenic.
You can't have my gum, sexy Jesus. |
@mileskahn Just how I like 'em.
Dry and gay. |
"Don't worry about dying while working here.
If you're applying,
your life is ALREADY OVER"
#newwalmartslogan |
@Moltz Fuck you. That is the last time I get suckered into looking at naked Bea Arthur. Santa hat, or not.
LAST TIME. |
My posthumus biography shall be titled anon
"The Reckless Pursuit of More". |
@McShowoff Use the hate in your heart, and WRITE. |
Scientists have created a synthetic motor oil from animal fat.
One step closer to my heart being able to run on bacon grease. |
@mileskahn Don't eat any cheese Hodgman may offer you. |
Connecticut Unemployment Department is now busy and understaffed. Wonder where they'll find help? Maybe right in front of them? In line? |
Strangely positioned body fat, pale skin and receding hairline?
Not just getting old,
but also turning into a Beluga whale. |
