03.05.10 FILMDRUNK’S GUIDE TO THE OSCARS
(”So to anyone who’s ever had a dream: Tonight, YOU are Toruk Makto! *cat hiss*”)
Where and When
In case you’ve been living under a rock or you’re a heterosexual male, the telecast of the 82nd Academy Awards begins at 5:30 pm Pacific/8:30 Eastern this Sunday on ABC. Your hosts are Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin, who are best known for their roles in It’s Complicated. I’ll probably be live-Tweefing from here.
Drinking Game
Don’t care about the Oscars? Turn it into drinking game. Remember, kids, drinking makes everything better. So here goes:
- Every time someone mentions Haiti, Chile, or earthquakes; take a drink.
- Every time someone references the Na’avi, Pandora, blue people, Avatar, James Cameron, or 3D; take a drink.
- Every time you see someone wearing a colored ribbon on their lapel; drink.
- Every time you stifle a fat joke about Gabourey Sidibe; drink.
- Reading glasses? Someone pretends to go off teleprompter? Drink.
- Music starts to play before someone finishes their speech? Drink.
- Fat guy with a beard on stage? Drink.
- “I’m honored just to be mentioned with the other nominees.” Drink.
- Someone makes a Meryl Streep joke; drink.
- Random cut to George Clooney in the audience? Finish your beer.
- Winner cries during acceptance speech? Finish your beer.
- Meryl Streeps takes a dump on the stage? Take three speedballs and queef on a turtle.
The Categories