Rough IQ estimation: start with 120 and subtract 20 for every time you press the elevator button after its already lit. about 7 hours ago from web |
Street corner "Mattress Warehouse" sign wavers are the most efficient means of converting methamphetamine into advertising. about 11 hours ago from web |
Can you really call it alcohol "abuse" when the alcohol WANTS me to consume it? about 15 hours ago from web |
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In a surprise twist, the eating of two McDonalds double cheeseburgers last night at 11:43 turned out to be a profoundly non-great idea. 9:10 AM Dec 1st from web |
In these status reports to my boss, am I supposed to just mention the names of the online flash games or provide the whole URL? 4:21 PM Nov 25th from web |
Great news: I've lost some weight! I know because at some point today MY WEDDING RING SLIPPED OFF MY FINGER WITHOUT MY NOTICING FUUUUUUUUUCK 3:03 PM Nov 20th from web |
Ahhhh yes, it's Richard Marx. Thanks to the 413 of you who replied to tell me, though I should have known: E-flat is his signature note. 1:11 PM Nov 20th from web |
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Does anyone know who sings that song, the one with all the notes? One of them is a E, I think. Maybe E flat--I can never tell. 12:48 PM Nov 20th from web |
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Heard Palin's voice on the radio this morning. It was like a bout of diarrhea 3 days after you thought you'd beaten the flu. 3:21 PM Nov 19th from TwitterFox |
I am reliving my high school years. Specifically the parts where I am frequently pulled over for speeding. 8:35 AM Nov 13th from TwitterFox |
The great thing about having an emergency kit that consists solely of Otter Pops is that it really makes you excited for an emergency. 10:01 AM Nov 12th from web |
Conspicuously reading Catcher in the Rye at cafes to meet college girls didn't pan out, so I'll try reading Lolita at the Twilight premiere. 2:03 PM Nov 11th from web |
Eating grilled cheese sandwiches always fills me with nostalgia. And grilled cheese sandwiches. 12:26 PM Nov 11th from web |
Me: "There's a new birth control pill called Yaz?" Wife: "Well, now we know what they were doing upstairs at Eric's." 11:27 AM Nov 11th from web |
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Hopefully the "major character is replaced by a black man" thing will last longer for America than it did for Iron Man or Green Lantern. 7:37 PM Nov 10th from web |
Just saw a woman talking on two cell phones simultaneously while driving, one in her left hand, the other . #notajoke #whenobamaispresident 4:42 PM Nov 10th from TwitterFox |