I apologize that I haven't blogged in a while...not that I am so arrogant to think there are tons of people out there reading this...but just in case there's one.  :)  Truth is, I've been feeling kind of guilty.  I mean here I am supposed to have quit, yet I'm still not.  That sucks.  A lil' bit o' guilt there.  I guess that's the downside of signing up for a Internet campaign. 

 I did talk to my Quitcoach a couple of weeks ago.  Here's the beauty of having a Quitcoach:  He didn't make me feel bad, but he did give me a kick in the pants to get motivated again.  It was actually what I needed.  I mean, he asked on a scale of 1-10 what my current motivation was...I gave it a 5.  Can we say easy answer?  Right in the middle.  I thought I would be ok with that answer...but alas...no.  I got the "I can't motivate you.  You have to motivate yourself." speech.  And he was right. 

I did find the value of family support in this kicking an addiction thing.  My aunt and I were talking about me quitting and I was telling her how hard it was and what-not.  She made a very good point:  Until the benefits of not smoking outweigh the satisfaction of smoking...I won't be truly modivatied quit.  We talked about how that was true in everything.  Until someone wants to change, they won't.  Until they see that changing a behavior is a better way of life...well, not even that...is more beneficial than continuing the current behavior...there's no real motivation. 

The scales are slowly starting to tip to the "I'm not a smoker" side.  I notice the smell a lot more now.  And, man it stinks.  yuck!  And I notice other little things too.  So, my Quit Coach and I came up with a new Quit Plan.  That's one thing I really like about the Quitline...no one makes you feel guilty or bad because you smoke...but they sure don't let you get away with easy answers.  :)  So my new Quit Date is Monday.  And this time, I'm going to try the Nicotine Replacement Therapy.  I'm going to get the patch.  For some reason, the gum and stuff just kind of freaks me out.  Well, the patch isn't much better...but at least I don't get the picture of it burning a hole in the side of my cheek.  I know, I can take thousands of toxins and the nicotine into my body when I smoke a cigarette and I'm worried about a little patch and the little bit of nicotine that's on it?  Makes no sense...you're right. 

 Right now, I'm still celebrating small victories.  I drove on a short road trip last weekend...Didn't smoke in my car the whole way.  Normally, I would have had at least 4-5 cigarettes in the short hour and a half trip.  I didn't smoke the whole way back either.  Little things add up to big things I guess. 

 I guess the last thoughts I would like to share are these.  To those out there who are trying to quit smoking or know some one who is going through it, remember that for some of us, this is a process.  There are people out there who smoke and wake up one day and decide..."You know what?  I don't want to smoke anymore."  And they don't.  Never again.  Easy as that.  Now, I imagine that they still get the cravings the first two weeks like the rest of us...but they never touch the stuff again.  Then there are those of us, who have to practice.  We have to get there mentally and have to really, really work at this.  And it's rough.  So, please, if you love a smoker who's trying to quit, be patient and kind with us.  We'll get it...eventually.  Practice makes perfect right? 

And I must say that those who can just decide to quit and do...lucky b^$!%*#ds.  lol.   

I don't know how Monday is going to go...but I'm still practicing.  Maybe someday I'll be perfect.  :) 

Good luck on your own Quit Plan!

I have been still holding on so far.  Today when I had a discussion with a few of my friends you know they wanted to light up and talk to me.   Smelling the smoke in the air was really getting to me.  She was like want me to save you a short,  I had to decline and get the surprising look.  I actually think I can breathe a lil more though.  I used to smoke everyday in my truck and the kids would get in and be like It stinks in here.  You know me I dont smell nothing.  But I can actually breathe now in just that short of time.  I am also sleeping better.  I don't know not smoking has anything to do with that but hey, if it did I am liking it. 

I want to quit because I hate having anything addictive control my life. Through my experiences growing up and suffering through stress, I truly believe I am the only one that controls my life and somehow, to me, that explains most of life's mysteries. As cliché as it sounds, I want to know that I control my destiny.

I have grown up fighting addiction with other vices, a fight that has made me extremely tired and made me lose sight of who I am. These addictions made me feel like less of a man, a feeling that I dread. I want to be a better man for my family, friends, and people who will be in my life in the future. Someone who they can look at and be proud in every single way.

That is why I refuse to let something like a cigarette controls my actions every day. Something so small and disgusting should not have any precedence over my daily life. I do not want to wake up and have the need to light that first drag. I do not want to eat and have the urge to digest with cancer smoke. I do not want to do anything and have a cigarette control my thoughts in the back of my head. I know I am stronger than this and I know by quitting my addiction, I will take back my life, my destiny and most importantly, my ability to choose. I write this in anger, but it’s an anger that will be used in a positive way.

I hate being weak, I hate being controlled, and I finally, I will do something about it.

This will be my last blog, so I just wanted to say that I have been smoke free for 4 months, or 120 days (November 1st 2006-present).  I can honestly say I did it w/o cheating!!!  Was it hard at times...of course, but I have learned to manage my cravings.  There are going to be triggers every where I go, I just had to come up with a strategy that worked for me to cope in those situations.  The world around me did not change, therfore I need to be ready for whatever obstacles are out there. 

For anyone who is thinking about quiting I would say don't rule out NRT.  When you are truly ready to make a change you may need some help.  I know I did!  Using the patch was probably the best decision I made in my journey.  I put that patch on daily-like it was my job.  I felt accomplished every time I went to buy my next phase of patches.  I had tried everything from ZYBAN, the gum, and the patch before, but nothing ever worked for me.  Looking back at it I really wasn't ready to quit back then.  I still enjoyed smoking and couldn't see the big picture.  No one can make you want this, you really do have to decide for yourself.      

As a side note...It's also nice to know that when my husband and I are ready to start a family, I will be giving my child a healthier life from day one!

This is not something that is easy at all.

At the time my daughter is going though some issue with post cancer problems and trust I want one so bad I can taste it!!!! I hoping to make it though the hoildays with out going sbackward. Iam STRONG I CAN DO IT!!!!!!

I have five reasons why!!!!!

- C

Up until recently, this has not been too hard. I think the initial resolve to quit smoking is beginning to fade. I really don't feel as though I have to rush right out and have a cigarette right now but the effects of Nicotine with drawl are becoming more noticeable.

One of the side effects can be restlessness. I find that when I sit at my desk at work, I feel like I need to tap my toe on the floor or shake my leg or even just sit and click the top of my pen a lot. It helps to try to work on projects that require some typing or may be even standing or walking around. Believe it or not, drawing even helps some. I am certainly no Picasso but it helps to pre-occupy my hands.

Another thing that I have noticed of late is that I am having a tough time falling asleep at night and end up tossing and turning for as much as 3 hours before finally falling asleep. Of course, I have not been the most pleasant person in the morning during my waking hours.

I have noticed a few positive things that I feel are worth sharing. One of the biggest hurdles for me, I thought, would be situations involving alcohol. This time of year is prime for holiday parties and toasts and the like. So far I have played poker twice and drank beer, gone to two office parties and drank Gin, and my wife and I went to dinner last night and I drank wine. I have not even had the urge to smoke during any of those situations. I would have thought that playing cards would have been the toughest because nearly every one else there was a smoker and smoked right at the table where we were playing. I was very pleased with myself.

I will end this post with another positive note. After doing some quick calculations, so far this month alone I have saved $81.51 give or take a few dollars. I smoked Marlboro Lights and where I usually bought them, they were $4.29 a pack. I smoked a pack a day.

Hopefully some one is reading this and it is inspiring them to do as I am doing. You can do it if you put your mind to it and believe you can. Henry Ford once said, "Whether you think you can or, you think you can't, you're right." I think I can and I think you can too! Good luck and happy holidays!