After Treatment
What If Treatment Doesn't Help?
If Your Brother or Sister Passes Away, Know That:
"My sister Dana had to go to a
cancer treatment center 6 hours
away. I only got to see her two
times. We talked on the phone,
but it wasn't the same. My
sisters and I sent photos and
letters so she knew we were
thinking about her. We're glad
to have Mom and Dana back
home now."
- Kyle, age 13
When your brother or
sister has finally
completed treatment,
you and your family may
feel a
whole range of
emotions. Part of you is
glad it is over. Another
part of you may miss the
freedom or new
responsibilities you had
while your parent was
busy taking care of your
sick brother or sister.
Your brother or sister
may still look sick and be weaker than you expected. You may be
afraid the cancer will come back. You may be looking to find
more meaning in your life now. All these feelings are normal.
Things may not go back to exactly how they were before cancer
came into your lives. Getting back to your "old life" may take a
long time - and it may not happen as you expect.
Here's what others have said about life after treatment. Do any
of these kids sound like you?
Neil talks about the "new normal":
"I watched my younger brothers when Alex
was away getting treatment. My stepdad
counted on me since he was working and
Mom was at the hospital with Alex all
the time. Now that Alex is home, I'm
back to being just one of the kids. Alex is
getting all the attention - even from my little brothers
who used to look up to me all the time. My stepdad says
I'll get used to being a kid again. But right now it
doesn't feel that way."
- Neil, age 16
Ross appreciates life more:
"It used to be all about having the
latest stuff. If one of my friends
got a new skateboard or jacket,
I had to have it, too. After
Jackie got sick, I realized that
it was just that - stuff.
Now there are more
important things in life -
like my sister and my family.
When someone you care about is really sick, you
find out what really matters."
- Ross, age 15
Tanya is glad to have her sister back home:
"Before my sister Amy got sick, we fought all the time.
If she wore one of my sweaters, I was on her. It
bugged me when she followed me around, especially
when my friends were over. And if she got into my
stuff - it was war. But after Amy got
cancer things just didn't matter
anymore. I was like - 'take my sweater
Ames - keep it, it's yours.' I realized how
much I would miss her if anything
happened to her."
- Tanya, age 15
Write down what life after treatment feels like for you and
your family:
If treatment doesn't help your brother or sister, you and your
family will face even more challenges. Hearing that your sibling
might die is very difficult. You may feel many of the same
emotions you felt when you first learned that your brother or
sister had cancer.
No booklet can give you all the answers or tell you exactly how
you will feel. But when the future is so uncertain, teens say that
it helps to:
- Make the most of the time you have.
Do special things as a family. At home, make time for your
brother or sister. Call and visit as much as you can if they are
in the hospital. Write notes and draw pictures. Say "I love
you" often. If possible, try to have some special times
together. If you have not gotten along in the past, you may
want to let your brother or sister know you love them.
- Stay on track.
When people get bad news, they often feel like they're living
outside of themselves - that life is moving along without
them. That's why it's important to keep a schedule and stay
connected. Stay involved in school. Be with friends. And let
yourself take breaks from it all when you need to.
- Have hope.
Never stop believing in tomorrow, and don't be too hard on
yourself. There is more good than bad in this world - even
though you might not feel that way right now.
- Get help when you feel alone.
Make sure you find people who can help you. In addition to
your family, it may help to talk to a social worker, counselor,
or people in a support group. It's important to let your
feelings out.
Do you want more support
and guidance? |
Many cancer organizations can help you during this
very difficult time in your life. Turn to
Learning More On Your Own for information
about some of these organizations.
|
"We all huddled in my mom's bed the
night we found out that Gracie's
treatment wasn't working anymore.
Gracie was so wise. Even though she
was only 10 years old, she was trying
to comfort us and tell us it would all be
okay. That made us want to cry
harder - but something inside said to be
brave for Gracie. Now, we look at
photos and talk about Gracie. I still
don't know how life without my little
sister will look. I just try to take it
one day at a time."
- Gail, age 19
You'll always have memories.
Your brother or sister will always be part of your life. Hold on to
your memories of the good times. It's okay to think about
something funny that your brother or sister did or said. By
laughing and smiling you are bringing back just a little of what
was so special about them.
The pain will lessen with time.
At first the pain may be so strong that you might wonder whether
you will ever feel happy again. Time has a way of healing. Not
being sad every day doesn't mean that you have forgotten. It just
means that you're starting to heal.
Everyone grieves in his or her own way.
Some teens grieve for their brother's or sister's death by crying.
Others get quiet and spend time by themselves. Some find that
they need to be around friends and talk. Others get very angry.
In any case, most people finds it helps to keep a regular routine.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. It's okay to deal with
loss at your own pace.
Your sibling would want you to be happy.
Stay open to new experiences. Make small changes that give your
life new meaning. Write about your thoughts and about this
experience. Don't worry about what to say, just write.
Life will change.
Life won't be the same as before, but it can be rich and full again.
Keep believing this.
Back to Top
< Previous Section | Next Section > |