Gov Gab: Your U.S. Government Blog

An Open Letter to Punxsutawney Phil (THE Groundhog)

By: Colleen | February 04, 2009 | Category: Fun

Dear Mr. Phil from Punxsutawney, phil

I'd like to commend you for all your years of season-predicting service. I often wonder what it must be like to be the most famous groundhog in the world. While it seems that you have a pretty cushy set-up in that den of yours, it has to be a bit unnerving to be yanked from one's cozy bed in the frigid early morning hours of every February 2nd.

While your service record is impressive, I can't help but notice a consistent pattern when reviewing your performance. You ~~tend to~~ always see your shadow and retreat back into your comfortable abode, thus leaving us common-folk with yet another six more weeks of winter.

Perhaps it should be brought to your attention that your anxiety about your shadow has dismal consequences for those of us who must leave our cozy beds EVERY frigid early morning, and not just on the second day of February.

Have you considered counseling? I have a somewhat unreasonable disdain for grocery stores, so I sympathize with your apprehension when confronted with your shadow. However, my fear doesn't have the same consequences as yours - think of all those other who are, quite frankly, dreading another six weeks of winter. Surely something can be done to ease your fears. Our new President has asked us as a nation to help each other. So, on behalf of millions of shivering Americans, please let me know of any way which I can be of service, or aid in your plight. I would never suggest you had adopted this behavior as the easiest means to return to slumber in your hollow. I just want to volunteer to help.

We'll all be rooting for your next February 2nd - you can do it! Don't let the shadow get the best of you!

With respect and optomism for a shorter winter in 2010,

Colleen