Welcome to the 'Lectric Law Library
REFERENCE ROOM
Like a pack of hungry piranhas stalking the frozen Serengeti tundra's redwood forests for their next feral poodle brunch, our staff of 379 legal information experts -- neutered drones, raised on a diet of Nixon speeches, Perry Mason reruns, Alan Dershkowitz commentaries & Scalia opinions since being snatched from their mothers within minutes of birth and genetically altered to unstintingly obey the benevolent musings and tyrannical rants of our universally beloved Head Librarian Ralf -- sit chained to computers 22 hrs a day at our majestic Isles of Langerhans Command Complex, traversing cyberspace, from its lofty, perfumed corridors of power to its dank, fetid dungeons, searching for any legal material the Library's beloved patrons may desire, a sampling of which we are pleased to present below.
Here's the 'guts' of the Library - The LAWCOPEDIA - with our legal dictionary, The 'Lectric Law Lexicon, and our many Topic Areas. Plus there are links to some of our other rooms & unique resources and to other folk's sites. But, rather than bore you with the details, why don't you just explore & check things out.
Sensus verborum est anima legis. - The meaning of words is the spirit of the law.
The 'Lectric Law Lexicon
Explanations for 1000's of Law Related Words, Terms & Phrases
In the Net's Most Extensive Legal Dictionary.
When I use a word, Humpty Dumpty said, in a scornful tone, it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less.
The question is, said Alice, whether you can make words mean so many different things.
The question is, said Humpty Dumpty, which is to be master - that's all.
'LECTRIC LEGAL NEWS EXCLUSIVE
We all know it's not coincidence that attorney is Etruscan for Secret Minion of Satan and that lawyer means Hidden Agent of the Dark Master of Suffering in Sanskrit, but it seems the powers-that-be have finally noticed. Our congressional correspondent, Ramundo R. Rinkle, has all the stunning facts in his report:
BILL JAILING ALL LAWYERS PASSES CONGRESS
Ratio legis est anima legis. - The reason of the law is the soul of the law.
Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, turned to God and said, I hear a new creature called Man is soon to be created. This is true, God replied.
He will need laws, said the Demon slyly, prompting God to indignantly exclaim, What! You, his appointed Enemy for all Time! You ask for the right to make his laws? Oh, no! Satan replied, I ask only that he be allowed to make his own. It was so granted. - Ambrose Bierce
LEGAL TOPIC AREAS
We've split "law" into overlapping areas to help you find what you're looking for.
ALTERNATIVE DISPUTE RESOLUTION
Arbitration & Mediation Law, Procedure, Organizations & Issues
Avoid law suits beyond all things; they impair your health, & dissipate your property. - J. de La Bruyere
ANTITRUST & UNFAIR TRADE
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings. The inherent virtue
of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. - Churchill
Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win. - R.Rinkle
BANKING, FINANCE & CREDIT
Bank failures are caused by depositors who don't deposit enough to cover losses due to mismanagement. - D. Quayle
Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies. - Thomas Jefferson
BANKRUPTCY
It's a bit strange that Bankruptcy is the hardest Court for the poor to waive its fees. - R.Rinkle
Capitalism without bankruptcy is like Christianity without hell. - Frank Borman, CEO, Eastern Airlines
BUSINESS LAW - GENERAL
General Info, Statutes, Corporations, Partnerships, LLCs, Capital...
The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws. - Tacitus (55-117 A.D.)
BUSINESS - REGULATIONS
Rules & Regulations re Safety, Consumer, Environment, Tax...
A law can be both economic folly and constitutional. - Antonin Scalia
Business, Court and Personal Forms for Every Situation
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CIVIL LEGAL SYSTEM & LAW
Ubi jus, ibi remedium. - Where there is a right, there is a remedy.
Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can. Point out to them how the
nominal winner is often a real loser in fees, expenses and waste of time. - Lincoln
U.S. CONSTITUTIONAL LAW & RIGHTS
The Constitution is not neutral. It was designed to take the government off the backs of people. - Justice W.O. Douglas
It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me,
and I think that's pretty important. - M.L. King Jr
HISTORIC COURT DECISIONS
Marbury v. Madison, Dred Scott, Bivins...
I have never been more struck by the good sense and practical judgment of the Americans than in the manner
in which they elude the numberless difficulties resulting from their Federal Constitution... - de Tocqueville
CONSUMER ISSUES & PROTECTION
Laws, Rights, Scams, Agencies...
Scire debes cum quo contrahis. - You ought to know with whom you deal.
Trust everyone, but always cut the cards - and carry a gun. - R.Rinkle
COURT INFORMATION & RULES -FEDERAL
The legal system's often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry Miller
The history of liberty has largely been the history of the observance of procedural safeguards. - Justice F. Frankfurter
COURT INFORMATION & RULES - STATE
When the law is against you, argue the facts. When the facts are against you, argue the law.
When both are against you, attack the plaintiff. - R.Rinkle
...idiots, imbeciles, aliens, the insane and women [are barred from jury duty] - pre-1918 Texas law
THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM
Police, Jails, Rights, Policies ...
Justice is incidental to law and order. - J. Edgar Hoover
When a man wants to murder a tiger, he calls it sport: when the tiger wants to murder him, he calls it ferocity.
The distinction between crime and justice is no greater. - George Bernard Shaw
CRIMINAL LAW & PROCEDURE
There's never a deed so foul that something couldn't be said for the guy; that's why there are lawyers. - Mel Belli
Laws are spider webs through which the big flies pass and the little ones get caught. - Balzac
DRUGS & ALCOHOL LAWS & ISSUES
The War on Drugs - Can the 'good guys' be Satan's Soldiers?
Half the Top 40 songs are secret messages to the teen world to drop out, turn on, and groove with the chemicals and
light shows at discotheques. - Art Linkletter
I don't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter Thompson
EMPLOYMENT & LABOR LAW & ISSUES
When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results. - Calvin Coolidge
ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION
It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air & water. - D. Quayle
FAMILY LAW
Marriage, Divorce, Adoption, Abuse, Alimony, Child Support, Kids ...
When two people are under the influence of the most violent, insane, delusive, and transient of passions, they are required
to swear that they'll remain in that condition continuously until death do them part. - G.B.Shaw
I was five years old before I realized there was no such thing as ALPO baby food. - Rodney Dangerfield
GOV'T BENEFITS & ENTITLEMENTS
Social Security, Welfare, Pensions, Loans...
Every government program of the past 50 years - except war - achieved the opposite of its announced goal. - R.Rinkle
The difference between welfare mothers and big corporations is some mothers try to get off welfare. - R. Rinkle
GOV'T INFORMATION ACCESS
Freedom of Information, Privacy, & Classified Info Procedures Acts
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. - Tolkien
GOVERNMENT AGENCIES - U.S.
If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it. - Les Aspin
The speed of exit of a civil servant is directly proportional to the quality of his service. - Ralph Nader
HISTORIC LEGAL DOCUMENTS
Magna Carta, U.S. Constitution, Emancipation Proclamation...
If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the Constitution. Instead, read the D.C. phone book's
list of organizations with titles beginning with 'National'. - George Will
Those who don't remember the past are condemned to repeat it. Those who do will still find ways to f**k up! - R.Rinkle
IMMIGRATION LAW
In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of the scoundrel. With all due respect
to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first. - Ambrose Bierce
Our nation was founded by and for white men, so I say deport everyone else!
Except my gardeners & driver... and women... and... - R.Rinkle
INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY
Patents, Copyrights & Trademarks, Issues, Laws, Procedures...
Life has no meaning - or even worse, it probably has a meaning that I don't like. - R.Rinkle
INT'L BUSINESS, FINANCE & TAXATION
Offshore Business, Banking, Investment, Financial Planning, Tax Havens and Related Matters
The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. - Jefferson
WARNING!! Pay no attention to any preverted subliminal messages on this page.
INTERNATIONAL LAW
An Eclectic Collection of Laws & Legal Material
Peace, n: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
INVESTMENTS & SECURITIES
Laws, Regulations, Stocks, Problem Resolution, Scams & Frauds
If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life. - Thoreau
THE JUDICIAL SYSTEM
The most expensive machine ever invented
to find out what happened & what to do about it. - Judge I. Kaufman
Whoever tries to set himself up as judge of Truth & Knowledge is shipwrecked
by the laughter of the gods. - A. Einstein
LAWS - U.S. STATUTORY
Some selected Statutes and the Entire U.S. Code in text format
It will be of little avail to the people that the laws are made by men of their own choice, if the laws be so voluminous that they cannot be read,
or so incoherent that they cannot be understood; if they be repealed or revised before they are promulgated, or undergo such incessant
changes that no man who knows what the law is today can guess what it will be tomorrow. - Federalist 62
LITIGATION ISSUES - GENERAL
Evidence, Experts, Procedures, News, Complex Cases ...
I was never ruined but twice: Once when I lost a lawsuit, and once when I won one. - Voltaire
Man's greatest joy is to slay his enemy, plunder his riches, ride his steeds, see the tears
of his loved ones and ravish his women. - Genghis Khan
MEDICINE & THE
LAW
Medical Malpractice Issues, Hints, News, Experts...
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying. - Woody Allen
REAL
PROPERTY & LANDLORD/TENANT ISSUES
A conservative's an ex-liberal who bought a house - and was burglarized. - R.Rinkle
It is the trade of lawyers to question everything, yield nothing, and to talk by the hour. - Jefferson
SEX & THE
LAW
Laws, News, Humor... Not Sex with Lawyers!
I regret to say that we of the F.B.I. are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has
in some way obstructed interstate commerce. - J.Edgar Hoover
TAXATION
If Patrick Henry thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see it WITH representation. - R.Rinkle
I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. But I could be just as proud for half the money. - Arthur Godfrey
THE INTERNET LAW LIBRARY
The U.S. House of Representatives built this
HUGE COLLECTION of Legal Links & Resources
with taxpayer money, but decided to stop hosting & maintaining it.
As one of its host sites we're trying to help keep it publicly available.
Dazed and Confused? You Can Search the Library with Our
'LECTRIC LAW LOOKER-UPPER
Can't Find What You Need in the Library? Then Use Our
'LECTRIC LEGAL LINKS
Need a Lawyer? Check Out The 'Lectric Law Library's Searchable Attorney Directory
& our Searchable Expert Witness Directory
Why's there always a secret singing when a lawyer cashes in? Why does a hearse horse snicker
hauling a lawyer away? - Carl Sandburg
The Rotunda The
Library's Starting Point, Central Hub & Index
The Inner Sanctum Answers to your Questions about the Library
And if you haven't done so, Please take our Head Librarian Ralf's Library Tour
Best damn thing I ever did! It was more fun than ignoring the Mafia... And the Constitution! - J.E. Hoover
Software, Big Savings on Legal Fees and Lots More
Sorry, but federal law requires that non-members who pester us for help must be repeatedly tortured,
guillotined, ridiculed, garroted, cannibalized, made to masticate while viewing nakid
lawyer movies - and then lobotomized until they vote straight Republican!
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No one connected with the 'Lectric Law Library,
including Sponsors, Advertisers, & Content Providers,
necessarily Endorses, Warrants or Approves of any Library material, and; Nothing
is intended
to provide specific Legal Advice, or to Solicit or Establish a Professional-Client Relationship.
If not for the Library O.J. would be a free man today,
butchering ex-wives right & left. - M.Clark & C.Darden
Without the Library I'd be in Folsom instead of
a free man, butchering my ex-wives right & left. - O.Simpson
* No Living Creatures - and few Lawyers - were Harmed in the Making of this Site *
[Last Revised 3/2005]
