There is no right or wrong way to grieve, no "appropriate" length of time to experience grief following the death of an important person. The grieving process varies from child to child and changes as the child grows older. Children's reactions to death depend upon the child's age, developmental level, previous life experiences, emotional health before the death, and family and social environment. Common expected responses include:
- Emotional reactions such as sadness, anger, guilt, insecurity
- Changes in behavior such as aggression, loss of appetite, sleep problems
- Interpersonal difficulties such as social isolation, clinging, irritability
- Changes in thinking, including constant thoughts about the person, preoccupation with death
- Altered perceptions including believing the deceased is still present, dreaming about the person
Childhood traumatic grief may occur following a death of someone important to the child when the child perceives the experience as traumatic. The death may have been sudden and unexpected (e.g., through violence or an accident), or anticipated (e.g., illness or other natural causes).
The distinguishing feature of childhood traumatic grief is that the trauma symptoms interfere with the child's ability to go through the typical process of bereavement. The child experiences a combination of trauma and grief symptoms so severe that any thoughts or reminders, even happy ones, about the person who died can lead to frightening thoughts, images, and/or memories of how the person died.
Since 2001, thousands of military children have had parents killed in combat operations in Iraq and Afghanistan. Many other children have had siblings, cousins, and other relatives die in war. Like other grieving children, military children who experience the death of someone special under traumatic circumstances can develop traumatic grief, which can interfere with their ability to grieve and to call up comforting memories of the person who died. Traumatic grief may also interfere with everyday activities such as being with friends and doing schoolwork. There are, however, unique aspects of military family loss that those who care for or work with grieving military children should be aware of.
Childhood Traumatic Grief Educational Materials
The following materials on child traumatic grief present general information and provide targeted guidance for the audience addressed.
Entire Package (2004) (PDF) 
For Members of the News Media (2004) (PDF)
For Parents (2004) (PDF)
For Pediatricians and Pediatric Nurses (2004) (PDF)
For School Personnel (2004) (PDF)
Training Videos and Curriculum Guide
Recognizing and Responding to Childhood Traumatic Grief (2005) (Shockwave/Video) includes two digital videos and a printable (PDF) curriculum guide. "It's OK to Remember," a video designed for the general public, presents background information on childhood traumatic grief. "The Courage to Remember" is a training video for clinical professionals who work with grieving children and families. It is accompanied by a training curriculum guide.
The following series provides culturally competent materials for educating families, medical professionals, and school personnel about how to better serve military children who are experiencing traumatic grief.
Association for Death Education and Counseling (ADEC) A professional organization dedicated to promoting excellence and recognizing diversity in death education, care of the dying, grief counseling, and research in thanatology.
Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families
Organization that provides peer support groups, education, and training for people who are grieving a death.
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