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Yes M.I.A., I get it. You're M.I.A. Reiterating this fact in every song is unnecessary. |
These "Scholastic Books" DVDs are great. It's like reading classic children stories to your kid without actually having to be there. |
Think *your* self-esteem is low? Imagine being a back-of-the-tree Christmas ornament. |
Watching The Terminator with my wife. Every 40 seconds she marvels at how 80s the 80s looked. |
Rough IQ estimation: start with 120 and subtract 20 for every time you press the elevator button after its already lit. |
Street corner "Mattress Warehouse" sign wavers are the most efficient means of converting methamphetamine into advertising. |
Can you really call it alcohol "abuse" when the alcohol WANTS me to consume it? |
@loresjoberg A teacher is tried after telling his pupils that they are descended from hobos in the 1960 film "Inherit the Wino". |
In a surprise twist, the eating of two McDonalds double cheeseburgers last night at 11:43 turned out to be a profoundly non-great idea. |
In these status reports to my boss, am I supposed to just mention the names of the online flash games or provide the whole URL? |
Great news: I've lost some weight! I know because at some point today MY WEDDING RING SLIPPED OFF MY FINGER WITHOUT MY NOTICING FUUUUUUUUUCK |
Ahhhh yes, it's Richard Marx. Thanks to the 413 of you who replied to tell me, though I should have known: E-flat is his signature note. |
DM me if you want a Gmail invite, I have 94 left. |
Does anyone know who sings that song, the one with all the notes? One of them is a E, I think. Maybe E flat--I can never tell. |
I selected the gmail theme "Lonely." It always puts "(13)" after "Inbox". |
Heard Palin's voice on the radio this morning. It was like a bout of diarrhea 3 days after you thought you'd beaten the flu. |
I am reliving my high school years. Specifically the parts where I am frequently pulled over for speeding. |
The great thing about having an emergency kit that consists solely of Otter Pops is that it really makes you excited for an emergency. |
Conspicuously reading Catcher in the Rye at cafes to meet college girls didn't pan out, so I'll try reading Lolita at the Twilight premiere. |
Eating grilled cheese sandwiches always fills me with nostalgia. And grilled cheese sandwiches. |
