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Dear retail managers of Denver: you have succeeded in making your employees ballistically cheerful. |
Man to small girl @ Target: "Let's commandeer a ship!" (She grabs a cart.) "Engage forward thrusters!" (She pushes off toward the DVDs.) |
is totally fine with having one white eyebrow hair. |
"Step Brothers" AND "Fred Claus" shipping today. Oh, Netflix, how did you know? |
Watching my dogs eat a bowl of yogurt. |
PS Thanks to @HereInMalibu for that -- I think |
Hoo boy, follow the LAFD if you want some perspective on your warm family gathering -- https://twitter.com/lafd |
Jack just gave Jackson gum and Mexican Coke for breakfast. Happy holidays! At least it was sugar-free gum. |
Plans are afoot to brine the salmonella ball. I mean Butterball. |
Turkey blood water bacteria all over the refrigerator. I'm like a walking, talking list of Thanksgiving what-not-to-do's. |
Googled "cooking temperature kill bacteria": !40-160 degrees, people! Get out your meat thermometers or that next Tweet'll come from the ER. |
Whoops! I let the turkey thaw in the sink for 36 hours. It's going to kill us, right? Unless we microwave the shit out of it. |
Oh, hell, did I miss Kennedy Assassination Day AGAIN? |
@Mom101 My waffles contained chocolate chips! And yet did not wholly benefit from them. |
Sadly, waffles no longer satisfy. |
Swinging my fists at this sore, achy feeling that needs to back the hell off. |
Go ahead and Google "shark sex" and see what you get. Yeesh. |
Book club ladies, brace yourselves for my bargain-priced Qupe chardonnay. |
Lame, not very informative post about the fire. You're welcome! #Tfire http://tinyurl.com/6nmpmh |
HUGE fire in Santa Barbara. Lights keep dimming. Candles are ready. |
