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Still beaming at the sight of snow on car hoods. Hoping it's still there when I get around to freezing a snowball for April deployment. |
Breakfast 'round these parts involves mixing 2 different cereals, granola, dried berries, and roasted almonds. Long road ahead, terrorists. |
Awkward moment when my 6th graders asked where the names of Jupiter's moons came from. (Women Zeus seduced. While married. To his sister.) |
Perhaps I felt it easier to overeat the leftovers rather than wash the lid to the appropriately-sized tupperware; this is not your concern. |
Hey, twentysomethings! Fixin' to feel like a complete jackass? Try explaining pogs to your thirtysomething coworkers! (Yeah, this happened.) |
Someone From College is behind me in line for the NYC bus. Don't remember her name. Might pretend I don't see her. Growing up sucks. |
AC⚡DC: the official band of the sub-90 IQ. |
Watching KISS concert videos with the brother. Peter Criss now in hot contention with Ringo Starr for the Best Sport In Rock History. |
Kid next to me on the bus, you don't grow any body hair, and almost certainly don't play sports. How the fuck do you manage to stink so bad? |
Red Delicious apples: at the absolute most, only two-thirds true. |
Moving cats in cars should be an event in debasement-driven Japanese game shows. Ask poor, poor @effingboring for the urine-soaked details. |
...this bathroom has, like, 7 exposed walls it's so cheek-clenchingly cold. And I'm supposed to get WET in this room? On PURPOSE? |
For the entire duration of my birthday, I wish to communicate exclusively by means of an Arnold Schwarzenegger Soundboard. |
ProTip: when teaching Chemistry students how to name ionic compounds, keep Bromine in your back pocket for whenever you need cheap lulz. |
dm @911 FUCKING HELP I ate a golden retriever of pizza and all color is draining from my vision and wait shit this isn't my cell phone |
...I'm mostly surprised that 900,000 pounds of Lean Cuisine *exist*. |
...if anyone in a position to terminate my employment saw what I had for breakfast... |
@hotdogsladies Old Pope, MAYBE. New Pope? FORGET it. New Pope makes practitioners say Right Nows along with their Hail Marys & Our Fathers. |
Really quite tired of the flax-seed-or-mouse-turd game. Looks like I'm just not cut out for this whole "tolerating pestilence" thing. |
It's been a successful night with the mousetraps. And THAT, my friends, is a very mixed blessing. Commence Howard Hughes-style handwashing! |
