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The very 1st sip of soup & somehow I've already burnt all my taste buds & can taste nothing? How is that even poss...Oh! It's low sodium. |
We need a word for the frantic yet fruitless pocket-seeking arm movement the post-hoodie wearer does, now assuming all shirts have pouches. |
More annoying than the bridge that leads to nowhere are the damn ellipsis that lead to nowhere. Mine lead to "9:15am". |
When you call@ 8am I assume you're dying. Pls try not to do these things until >9am. Also good to note that my responsiveness begins@ ...... |
Watching that show abt gays in the military:RudolphTheRed-NosedReindeer. Don't ask,don't tell abt my nose. It's red&I'm pretty damn capable. |
WMDs(room temp sushi left out 2 b shared/kill us all)in lunchroom. Will terrorists stop at nothing?! Why do you hate my freedom,sushisharer? |
Hole in the hallway floor dwarfs the sign that warns about not stepping/falling into said hole in the hallway floor.Stay tuned for hilarity. |
First troubling thought of the morning: "If work wants me, they're going to have to come get me." |
The single latex glove outside my window? I choose ignorance. |
@Jeters- So far I'll be immigrating to US,meeting 1000s of black singles like me,& there'll be plasma tvs & enlarged pencils. Ah, & Rolices. |
Rather than deleting, I may save all my spam mail and send it to my travel agent, asking her to thematically base my next vacation on it. |
Early mission in my pjs to smuggle health forms into HR so they'd arrive "yesterday"& I'd get a discount. Poverty + insanity= crafty awesome |
Flexible Benefits Plan, you needed a 20 min survey to determine I'm stressed? Relaxation techniques? Sure, get over here & let me punch you. |
StomachProtectiveServices is going to come take mine away from me. After the Tgiving gorging, stomach just requested fast food& I said sure. |
Lazy typing or subconscious becoming progressively less sub? Emails I've sent thus far today include: "Hell there" and "This looks goo." |
In a coffee shop sitting, caffeinating, & mentally mocking ppl's drink orders while I wait for my fave marathon runners. This is exhausting. |
Cell down to one bar. Can't find charger. Send energy. Running out of arrrghhhhh... |
Carbs teamed up with tupperware for Thanksgiving Round II. We didn't stand a chance. |
Mom's coworker is a balloon holder in Macy's Day Parade. He's helping restrain the cornucopia. |
I have a little over 24 hours to burn a little over 20,000 calories. 25,000 if I plan on having a roll. Off to the gym. |
