... and if anyone suspects my last 2 posts are related: NO, my girlfriend's NOT torn between me and Johnny Depp. (He won't return her calls) 9:27 PM Dec 5th from web |
FYI: it takes 157 words, including "Do we agree we must discuss further/sooner/later/never?" to say "shit or get off the pot" diplomatically 9:21 PM Dec 5th from web |
I thought it coincidence that every girl I've dated is hot for Johnny Depp, but now I realize it's only because I haven't dated any lesbians 8:13 PM Dec 5th from web |
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Forget "Followers". I want a tally of people tolerating me enough to let me vibrate their pockets during dinner. (Inspired by a @girk chat.) 5:34 PM Dec 5th from web |
If I had a dollar for every complaint I overheard... I'd never shut up. 2:05 PM Dec 5th from web |
I really do want to be cremated. I like the idea of potentially being confused with Sanka. 10:42 AM Dec 5th from web |
dimple, lime, vicissitude, ass-face, mitochondria, hiccup #6randomwords 10:30 AM Dec 5th from web |
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Hey, don't yell at me. I'm just reporting what Wikipedia said I said
it said I said it said. 2:11 PM Dec 4th from web |
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My favorite part of doing banner advertising is filling out the creative briefs. Nothing grabs the eye like a provocative, glittery bulge. 10:30 AM Dec 4th from Twuffer |
I don't always know when to go home, but a browser tab entitled "Great Spotted Kiwi - Wikipedia" definitely means I've run out of work juice 6:52 PM Dec 3rd from web |
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From my third day on Twitter, entered as Exhibit A: "What if you tweeted as though every update were shown on a billboard in Times Square?" 3:31 PM Dec 3rd from web |
To be fair, I was posting Favrd bait long before there was a Favrd. Before anyone was even listening, in fact. Oh god please love me. 3:24 PM Dec 3rd from web |