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"Coma Naprosil: May cause dizziness, sexual nightmares, and sleep crime." |
Heading to my father's birthday dinner. Don't wait up, INTERNET. |
Every time I go to an O'Reilly event, I get put to work. Blergh. |
Ah, fuck it. If that's is the way it's gonna be, I'd rather just vote for banning ALL marriage until we get it right. NO CAKE FOR ANYONE. |
EVERYONE IS HAPPY AND LOUD |
Tony: "Have you ever gone to a shrink? I'd pay for it if I could sit in." STUB CORP's health plan is special. Also, I'm eating pie. |
@edcasey PANIC NAP |
If you put vodka in your eyes, it's poison! If you put gin in your eyes, it's Visine. |
HEY WHO TURNED THE AWKWARD IN HERE UP TO 11 |
The last Guitar Zeros show. Incidentally, the one where they show the most skin. |
Gas prices are $2.77 / gallon. In San Francisco. Less than a week before the election. I actually laughed when someone predicted that. |
In a text to the lady, I accidentally typed "gin" instead of "fun". Second try: "gun". FUCKING FINGERS. |
New thing: reading the notes my neighbors tape to the door aloud on friends' voicemail, without any context or explanation. |
@amanda525 Yay ninety second reunion! |
My drunk mother is talking about how creepy it is that her baby photos and my father's baby photos look exactly the same. |
"Yo, let me ask you a question. Who was this Uncle Frederick anyway?" http://tinyurl.com/6jsm8q |
That is not fragrance free! That is turpentine scented! And now I'm bleeding! Fuck you so hard, FREE SAMPLE. |
@edcasey considering that that was right before I drove a motor vehicle, yeah. Par for the course. |
Fell down the stairs, stabbed myself in the hand with an Obama pin and realized the keys I was searching for were in my pocket. All in 2 min |
Scanning and emailing my parents old pics of themselves, with subject lines like "NICE MUSTACHE, ASSHOLE" or "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING" |
