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AmyJane

"Michael Jackson is said to be living on a diet of gravy, painkillers, and biscuits" is my favorite sentence ever. Also, my favorite diet.
Husband wants the tivo.com password to schedule shows from his phone. AS IF. I stay out of his office, he stays out of mine.
I don't get the NOM NOM thing. It's like I'm on a different internet. Is it related to the cats thing? Because I don't go that way, either.
@nictate We went through a rough patch during which a 2 year-old Jonas called every heavy-set black woman he saw "Oprah".
@Tony_D I would honestly just walk out the front door and never come back.
@Moltz He keeps bursting into crazy laughter and yelling, "Look at this, Amy! I can't get enough of this kid smoking!" It's getting old.
"Daddy is a little slow on the uptake." Say what you will about raising kids on TV, but it does make them say the most delightful things.
"Foaming Pipe Snake": Band name, sex toy, or Drano product?
The boy said to me, "Get me some pretzels, ya hockey puck!" And you know what I did? I got him some fucking pretzels.
@lonelysandwich Also, you're first up for our "Twitterer homeschooling our kid" exchange. You're going to live in our basement for a week.
@lonelysandwich That would really present a dilemma for John, because he despises tattoos. But how could he resist?
@thomasjordan Nothing says, "I'm a badass" like a cobra.
@importantshock I have my avatar on my ankle. A design by a friend on my hip and stars on my foot. Thinking about something on my forearm.
My mom always said I'd regret my tattoos at 35. But now I actually think, "I should get more, I'm 35, who gives a fuck?"
@chockenberry Make it a vodka tonic and you're in.
@chockenberry Oh, Jesus. This is AWKWARD. All slots are full. Please do not come here. Please.
Jonas is talking on a pretend cell phone. He just said, "Both of my parents are in jail." That's not weird, right?
Jonas is running around yelling, "Flame on!" Is this from a movie or some sort of anti-Prop 8 chant?
@jdickerson John would like to know if you'd also homeschool him for a week?
New idea: We skip the private school and use that money to fly in a guest Twitterer each week to homeschool the kid.
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