I know John is REALLY digging me when he not only updates my software, but he does it while I'm sleeping so I'm not inconvenienced. 11:08 AM Dec 5th from web |
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If you are in a relationship with a computer nerd, you come to realize that one way he or she expresses love is by updating your software. 10:34 AM Dec 5th from web |
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What does Jonas want most for Christmas? An Alfred action figure. Yeah, Batman's butler. I'm screwed. 3:30 PM Dec 4th from web |
I like the idea of looking back at your first tweet. Mine was "My husband kinda blows." I knew where I was taking this thing from the start. 2:33 PM Dec 4th from web |
I think I just spent a lot of time and money to color my hair the color it would be anyway if I just stopped messing with it. 1:05 PM Dec 4th from web |
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"How many beers have you had?"
"None. I am sick!"
"Excuse me, how much cold medicine have you had?"
"Four." 10:35 PM Dec 3rd from web |
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There is something magical about the way Danny DeVito says the word "whore". 9:14 PM Dec 3rd from web |
"Jesus. Bad waves of paranoia, madness, fear and loathing. Intolerable vibrations in this place. Get out! The weasels were closing in." 6:41 PM Dec 3rd from web |
Spam entitled "One wife is not enough." Pretty sure my husband would beg to differ. 5:13 PM Dec 3rd from web |
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I would sincerely like to thank those of you who took the time to tell me that I am not, in fact, funny. I love the internet. 6:52 PM Dec 2nd from web |
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