A Conversation with a Hotline Advocate: Paula
“Knowing that there’s someone on the other end of the phone, I think that makes a big difference in a lot of survivors’ lives.” – Paula M.
Paula has been answering the phones as an advocate at The Hotline for 18 years. This holiday season, she is sharing thoughts about her work and why she’s thankful for those who support The Hotline.
In 1998, when I came to the National Domestic Violence Hotline as an Americorps volunteer, I had no idea that I was a survivor, too. The father of my children was a wonderful provider, but I still knew something wasn’t right when the emotional abuse periodically escalated to physical violence.
Growing up, I would see members of my family being abused. I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t know what to do. No one talked about it, so I thought it was normal, but it still didn’t feel good.
When I listened in on the lines, I started to hear my story.
“He’s calling me names. He’s making me feel stupid.”
I now had a name for pain and hurt I experienced: domestic violence.
I knew then I wanted to be a part of helping people from the darkness to the light. After my Americorps volunteer duties were complete, I became a Hotline advocate, and I’ve been answering the phones ever since.
Thank you for paving the path to safety so that victims and survivors don’t have to stay silent. With your support, they will have someone on the other end of the line — someone who will listen. I’m so thankful I get to be one of those people.
Together, we can give survivors hope and end domestic violence. Please make a gift today to help ensure that when a survivor is ready to speak, someone at The Hotline is here to listen.
[Admin note: This comment has been edited for safety per our community guidelines]
I’m in a lesbian relationship and it’s extremely difficult!! I really feel like I have lost myself. I fear, everyday, what she is going to do to me and say to me. She will say and do anything to hurt me. She will never even sit in the same room as me!! She will not help around the house. She barely helps with bills for household things. She is always yelling and screaming at me. Constant lies!! … She don’t care about anything but being abusive to me!!! Tonight for instance, I was in bathroom on toilet and she kept kicking the door open, i would shut door but she just kept kicking it down, knocking stuff off walls and then while I was still on toilet she came and pressed against me with her fists clenched. It’s to the point I just look at her and tell her to go for it!!! She may work when she wants to, comes here and puts on pj’s and lays down in bed. Watches TV and plays games on her cell phone as I sit here in another room alone. The names, violence, put downs, yelling and breaking my things, she even goes through everything I own if she is here and I am not. She helps herself to whatever she wants. She tells me it’s all hers!!! I own this home, the police come, I’m told to stay in my bedroom so then I can’t use bathroom, can’t even go in to my kitchen. She is told to stay in living room…..she tells them she will be leaving in the morning but never does. When they leave, of course I get more abuse, I even have tried to put a dresser behind door and she moves it!!! I wish I knew someone to put a locking doorknob on my bedroom!!! Tonight, even as sick as I am with pneumonia, I must stay in my living room on the couch while she has my bedroom with a nice big bed and TV, everything she could want!!! The cops have seen marks on me and refuse to do anything. They will never take a report or even take our names, I’m sure they know our names by now!! I was left to die a few times already. My house, I’m disabled, I’m told I would have to legally evict her. I don’t have the money!!! I’m stuck in this MISERY!!!!
Hi Cathy,
Thank you for sharing your story here. This sounds like an incredibly frustrating and difficult situation. We’re so sorry your partner is choosing to behave this way, and that you have not found the support you need. You absolutely deserve to be in a loving, mutually caring and respectful relationship. We’d like to help in any way we can. Whenever you feel safe and ready to do so, please contact us by calling 1-800-799-7233 or chatting here on our website from 7 a.m. to 2 a.m. Central time.