A Young Sailor Struggles with Missing Her Child
At 19, Holly Libbey joined the Navy so she would have medical benefits for her 5-month-old son.
"To me, it was an easy fix," says the Houston native. "I made the commitment for my son, and I knew I had the drive and that I could succeed. Once I got in, I saw that the Navy could give me a career where I could really make something of myself and a life for my son."
What she didn't see, she says, was the stress her decision would bring with the separation from her little boy.
"Boot camp was the hardest thing I'd ever done, being without him," Libbey says. "There were many times where I just cried and cried. I was pretty naïve and I didn't have close friends or family." Her civilian husband, though, was supportive, "and I just had faith it would work out."
She missed her son's first birthday and only was able to see him take his first steps on a social media website. "Things like that made me very sad but at least I had the security of knowing I was doing something good for his future," she says.
Now 23, Libbey is a boatswain's mate third class stationed aboard the USS Milius (DDG-69), an Aegis guided-missile destroyer based in San Diego. She has had two deployments and is preparing for a third.
She and her husband separated right before her first deployment. The couple are divorcing and there are child custody issues to resolve. It's been a lot of change and readjustment for the young Sailor, but she is learning to cope.
Her first attempt to handle the stress, she now realizes, was the most maladaptive. "I literally tasked myself with as many things as I could," Libbey remembers. "At one point I was up for three days. My game plan was to just make myself exhausted so I'd keep my mind off my problems."
She was afraid her son would not recognize her when she returned from deployment. She sought out a hospital corpsman and vented her feelings to him. "He understood and told me to slow down, not think the worst," Libbey says.
At another low point, Libbey reached out to a chaplain who had come on board Milius. "I'm non-denominational but he didn't press any beliefs on me. He just suggested I start making lists and check off items as they were done so I didn't feel so overwhelmed. He got me thinking about everything."
Libbey says she loves the culture and the people of the Navy, and she appreciates that the Navy is helping her to mature in ways she had not imagined.
"I'm learning to keep the little things in perspective, both on and off the ship," she says. "And to keep my sanity, I take care of little things. I've learned that if you take care of them then over time, you learn to take care of the big things. You can’t worry about the things you can’t control."
As for her future, Libbey wants to attend college and become a nurse. "I'd like to have the GI Bill so I can pass on the education benefits to my son and get him set up,” she says, adding, "I could easily do 20."
(First published in 2010)
Words From A Survivor