If you ask any mom, not much is as thrilling and emotional as having a baby. When your partner is deployed, there are ways to bridge the distance before and after your child's birth. Here are some hints to help you during pregnancy, birth and beyond:
- What to do before the baby arrives
- How to stay connected to your deployed partner during pregnancy and delivery
- What to consider when you and baby return home
- What to do when your partner returns
Giving birth may be the most important event in your life. To ensure that you are not alone, even though spouse or partner is deployed, during this life-changing event, here are some ways to prepare for the big day and stay connected with your loved one:
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What to do before you're due
- Enroll in the right TRICARE region. Visit TRICARE for information about the services covered and other maternity care programs.
- Enroll in childbirth classes. Even if you have other children, a childbirth class can still be helpful. Find a schedule of classes from your installation's hospital or military treatment facility.
- Meet other parents. When your deployed partner can't be with you during your pregnancy or labor, it's important to lean on your support network. Connect with your family, your neighbors, volunteer organizations, family readiness groups and spouse clubs for support.
- Find support services in your community or installation. Some communities offer support services to answer questions or concerns you might have about you or your baby.
- Get a medical power of attorney. Choose someone you trust to make medical decisions on your behalf in the unlikely event medical staff can't get your or your partner's consent. Visit your legal assistance office for more information.
- Familiarize yourself with the local Red Cross procedures. This way when you go into labor you can have your medical provider notify your partner.
How to stay connected with your deployed partner during pregnancy and delivery
- Send pictures. Show that growing belly that you are so proud of by sending photos and share ultrasound pictures of your precious one.
- Record your baby's heartbeat. It'll be music to your partner's ears.
- Keep a journal. If that's too much work, write an occasional blog.
- Stay in touch by phone or video chat. Check with your hospital for rules on video chats.
- Give your partner a sense of what delivery was like. Ask your labor coach or someone else to record their thoughts on the experience.
- Email a photo to your partner. Have someone take a picture of you during labor and some of the special moments afterward.
What to consider when you and your baby return home
- Ask for help if you need it. Take advantage of programs and services offered through the Military and Family Support Center or the hospital or clinic. Check out the New Parent Support Program or ask someone to stay with you until you get used to your new responsibilities — it's OK.
- Get help if you feel a sadness that isn't going away. If you experience a sadness that has lingered a few weeks — or you're confused or having thoughts of hurting yourself or your baby — call your doctor immediately.
- Ask your partner to record readings of bedtime stories. Play the recordings to familiarize your baby with the sound of your partner's voice.
What to do when your partner returns
- Give your partner time to get to know the baby and to adjust to the change at home. Change is normal. Talk to your partner about the shifting priorities and include information about the baby's schedule, night feedings, temperament and similar items. Adjusting to the new routine will take a little time. Remember, too, that it's likely to take your partner some time to develop the bond you already have with the baby. The sooner he or she can get involved in caring for the baby, the quicker the bond.
- Encourage your partner to enroll in a parenting class and talk to other parents. Check with your New Parent Support Program to see if your installation offers a baby boot camp program. You can both be more comfortable in your new roles if you share stories and information with other new parents.
- Ask your partner to go to the baby's medical appointments with you if possible. This might help him or her learn how to take care of the baby and ask questions.
- Make an effort to spend time together as a couple. A lot has changed since your partner left. It's important to nurture your relationship as a couple, not just as parents.