Taking a Break From Grief

Grief has no expiration date. The time it takes for the pain to lessen is different for everyone. Be patient with yourself. Taking even short breaks from your grief will help you avoid fixating on your loss and give you more strength to live your life. This may be tough right after your loss, but you may find it gets easier as time passes.

Why should I take a break from my grief?

Taking a timeout from mourning may seem crazy or impossible at first. You may even think that it's a betrayal of your lost loved one to laugh or have fun while you're grieving. Feeling guilty is a natural reaction, but remember that it's a long, tough process. Taking breaks is a healthy way to keep balance in your life as you grieve. It's unhealthy to have an intense focus on your grief, which can prevent you from living your life. You can't turn your grief on and off, but you can look for activities to distract you for a short while.

How do I take a break from grief?

Your break from grief can be long or short, simple or complex. Only you know what you're ready to handle and what feels comfortable to you. It may even take a few tries before you find a distraction that works for you. Start with something short and simple, and keep trying different activities until you find what feels right. Try a few of these ideas:

• Escape into a story. Reading a book, watching a show or movie, or attending a play lets you get lost in someone else's storyline.

• Find a way to relax. A massage, manicure or pedicure, or even a bubble bath can give you a temporary boost mentally and physically.

• Hang out with friends. If you're not up for a full-blown dinner out, try going for coffee or ice cream instead.

• Take up a new hobby. Learning something new can be a wonderful temporary diversion, and something you can go back to again and again.
  

• Plan a trip. When you feel ready, consider a change of scenery to help lift your spirits. Exploring someplace new — whether for a day or a week — can recharge your batteries and help you feel refreshed.

How do I help my child take a break?

Most young children take breaks naturally from their grief. When faced with the death of a loved one, they often cry and show sadness in bursts, and then appear to become absorbed in their usual play again. They can repeat this pattern over and over. Even so, it's also important to find ways to enjoy life as a family again. Use these tips to guide you:

• Stick to your normal household schedule as much as possible. Routines give kids a sense of comfort and security. It may seem impossible to do at first, but going back to regular bedtimes, family meals and sports or other activities can help your kids feel safe and at ease.

• Go on a family trip or fun outing. Having fun as a family can ease the loneliness and isolation many kids feel after the loss of a loved one. Spending a day at the beach or an amusement park gives them something to talk about with friends and provides a temporary break from their grief (and yours). It also helps build new, fun family memories that they will come to treasure.

A loved one's death can be one of life's most difficult experiences. You don't have to face it alone. Turning to friends and family for support or reaching out to clergy or support groups can help. Contact Military OneSource for more free resources, including confidential, non-medical counseling.