Long distance relationships and separations are often the norm in the military. Deployment, training and moving are part of military life. Keep in mind that when you or your spouse is deployed, your family dynamics will need to adjust. Time apart may bring challenges for both the partner at home, who has taken on more responsibilities, and the deployed service member, who may struggle with missing important family events. Your partner's emotional support is often what you'll miss the most — a hug after a long day, or someone who can relate to you when your kids are testing the waters.
Luckily, there are ways to ensure you keep in touch and maintain a strong relationship with your partner. Communication and trust are key to building a strong and healthy relationship. However, even with good communication and mutual trust, some days you'll likely need a little extra support. Turn to your friends, family or even a counselor to help you cope when things become a little challenging.
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Tips for staying in touch during a deployment or separation
The following are tips you can use to stay in touch, and remain connected to your partner during a deployment or separation.
Make a plan
Sit down with your spouse and plan ahead by creating a family plan that will help your household prepare for the time apart. Discuss how to handle, maintain or establish the following:
- Emergencies: Figure out how you'll handle emergencies or parenting issues. For example, who will you list as a back-up emergency contact person in the event the at-home parent can't be reached?
- Finances: Talk about who takes the responsibility for household expenses and large expenditures.
- Communications: Discuss how you will maintain communication during separations. Will you go old school and write each other letters each month or have a weekly Skype date?
- Support networks: Identify people you can connect with for support.
Establish mutual trust
Trust is important in relationships, but it's even more crucial when you're dealing with a separation or deployment. Mutual trust is something that builds over time; however, you can continue to foster trust during separations and deployments by doing the following:
- Remember that honesty is always the best policy. Practice open and honest communication.
- Don't take each other for granted. Remind your partner that you love and miss him or her — and a thank you is always appreciated.
- Respect each other. Even during those difficult conversations, mutual respect is essential.
Communicate
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You might not always know when or how you'll hear from your spouse during a deployment, but there are ways to practice effective communication. Just keep these few tips in mind:
- Be patient. Trust that your partner will connect with you as soon as he or she can.
- Express yourself. Regardless of how you're communicating — do your best to express your thoughts clearly.
- Stay positive. Keeping a lighthearted attitude can help make the separation easier for both of you.
- Keep security in mind. Remember that your service member may not always be able to share certain information with you, so do your best to be understanding.
- Don't forget mail restrictions. Check out general restrictions and regulations specific to the address or location you're mailing to at the United States Postal Service website or the Military Postal Service Agency website.
- Be creative. Email is efficient, but it's still an email, so feel free to spice up your communication with a little creativity. Send your kid's artwork, record video messages, attach photographs, or clip and scan articles from the local paper.
- Embrace technology. Technology offers options for communicating — it's just a matter of figuring out which options work best for you and your partner. Try out different communication apps or chat through social networking sites.
Get extra support if you need it
If the stress of your partner being gone starts to feel like more than you can handle, lean on someone. Talk with a close friend, family member or counselor and don't be afraid to ask for help with your responsibilities. Everyone can use an extra hand now and then — it's OK.
Remember that a solid plan, a healthy dose of mutual trust, and communication can help you and your spouse through anything.