Your head's wrapped around the whole deployment thing. You know what you need to do, you've planned your deployment, you're ready — or at least you're getting there. But deployment preparation has an extra, important step when you're a parent: preparing your children for each phase of the deployment cycle. There may not be a "right" way to prepare kids for a deployment, but you can find the way that's just right for your kids.
Put your textbooks away. There's really no by-the-book way to prepare your child for the separation that comes with deployment. Preparing your children for a military deployment will take a bit of parental instinct on your end, a lot of communication from both of you and a fair amount of planning.
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Get informed, get involved, get talking
Even before you break the news of your deployment to your kids — maybe even before you have official word that you're deploying — identify and use the valuable resources in your corner:
- Other parents who deployed
- Other military children, especially those whose parents are also deploying
- Your children's schools, teachers and coaches
- Your Military and Family Support Center
- Military and family life counselor
- Chaplain
You'll want to know:
- What to say to your kids and how much to share
- How to handle some common reactions or questions
- The best age-appropriate way to explain a military deployment
- Where your children, your spouse or your children's caregiver can find support during the deployment
When you're ready to talk with your children:
- Keep your communication age-appropriate for your preschooler, school-age child or teenager.
- Stay positive about the deployment — new, exciting responsibilities, travel and the importance of your mission.
- Assure your kids that things will stay as normal as possible at home.
- Spend one-on-one time with each child.
- Build happy memories by making time to do something your children have been wanting to do with you.
- Decide how you'll keep in touch. Cover all the ways you can communicate and how often your kids can expect to hear from you. Be clear that sometimes they might not hear from you for a few days, and that's normal.
- Remind them that deployments are just temporary.
- Don't make false promises.
Make it work
You made your plans and you're off. There will be days when you miss your kids more than usual. On those days, remember: your kids are resilient. You may go through deployment stress and the many emotions of the deployment cycle, and so will they. For added excitement, those emotional phases may not align — there may be some rough times while your kids have good ones, and vice versa. To help you both through the toughest days:
- Stay busy.
- Stay connected.
- Keep the deployment in perspective — it's temporary and it's normal to feel sad, especially on holidays or other important days.
Remind your children (and yourself, as many times as it takes) that deployments aren't easy or ideal, but you'll continue to work as a family — even with distance between you — to make sure that everyone feels safe, loved, supported and in the loop. If you need some outside support, Military OneSource offers free confidential, non-medical counseling through face-to-face, phone, online or live video sessions.