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My little boy came into this world scaring me to death. What’s that first sound that mom wants to hear from her baby in the delivery room? Crying. It was less than a minute’s time, but he was silent. Nurses rushed him to the newborn station in the delivery room before I could even

Kristi

hold him. With the last ounce of energy in my body, I shoved my husband to be by our son’s side. All I could do was sit, helpless, staring through a circle of people. My eyes bounced from the table to the faces of the nurses around him.

Then he cried. I think I took my first breath since that last push when he took his first breath ever.

He’s 4 years old now, and his cry still stops me in my tracks. Sometimes it’s just a brief pause to:

• Hug him
• Encourage him not to get so frustrated when his little sister wants to “share” all of his toys
• Remind him to chew his food
• Explain (again), while nurturing boo-boos, that it’s never a good idea to run in the house
• Assure him it wasn’t a big deal (the milk he spilled, vase he broke, toy he lost, etc.)

Sometimes it’s the last jab at my patience for the day, like when he cries about:

• Getting a green popsicle when he really wanted blue (not even an option in our box, mind you)
• Taking a bath
• Eating his vegetables
• Wearing jeans instead of shorts when it’s 30 degrees outside
• Accompanying me to the grocery store (In his defense, I don’t like going either.)

And, I don’t know if he’s “all boy” like people love to tell me, or if he just gets a kick out of seeing his mom panic. That little boy, after four years, can still scare me unlike anyone else on Earth (thank goodness for his easygoing little sister). He’s fallen off of couches. He’s darted off in a hectic parking lot. He’s choked. He’s been sick. His first week in his big boy bed, he even tried to swing like Tarzan from his nearby curtain which resulted in a gash over his eye. A word of warning for any parent who has never seen a head wound, they bleed like nothing you’ve ever seen. I phoned my parents (since, of course, my husband was still out doing Marine Corps stuff), and I was ready to head to the emergency room. But after applying a cold compress for five minutes, the bleeding completely stopped. I found three gray hairs that night — I don’t think that was a coincidence.

But if there is such a thing as a favorite cry, it would be the one when my kids just need their mom. It’s usually the result of being a little over tired or a little sad (but nothing mom can’t fix). When I dropped my son off at preschool last week, he cried for the first time in almost two years of going to school (including his first day ever). In that moment, I knew he was just overwhelmed — with moving, school, his new bedtime, being rushed that morning, etc. The only thing I could do was hug him while we held up the carpool lane. That’s the best feeling a parent can have — no one in the world could have fixed that moment, just mom.

New parents struggle to learn what their babies need when they cry. I remember being the same way at 3 a.m. — I’ve fed you, changed you, burped you, I’m trying to help you sleep, what else could you possibly need? But now, I can tell from across the house whether I need to drop whatever I’m doing and run to my kids or whether shouting, “Play nice,” is sufficient.

To our kids, though, every cry is important (otherwise, they wouldn’t be crying, I guess). Every broken toy is the end of the world, and every boo-boo is severe. So, I’d just like my kids to know that every time their hearts break, mine breaks. Every time they’re hurt or sick, I wish it happened to me instead. Every time they get in trouble, I blame myself a little and wonder if I was too hard on them. Every time I tell them no (from candy to skydiving) and they cry, it is a test of my willpower to stand my ground.

Through a ridiculous tantrum, mom is there to be the voice of reason (that voice typically says no). I may not give them what they want, but I’m teaching them something. Kick and scream as they might, they’ll come out stronger on the other side. It may drive me nuts, but I love them through each one of their hilarious little foot stomps and scowls. I want my kids to know that I don’t always give them what they want because it’s part of my master plan to groom them into sensible adults. Contrary to what they may think, it’s not part of my master plan to torture them.

Mom is there, too, through the truly necessary cries (boogiemen, boo-boos, broken hearts and bullies). When our kids are hurt or sad or scared, we go through it with them. I will always check their bedroom for monsters (even if I have to drive all night to get to their college dorm room one day). I will always be on their side. I will always stand up for them and speak up for them, but I’ll try as hard as I can to let them try it on their own first. I will always be their biggest fan, even when they’re in last place.

And, just so we’re clear, sometimes mom will cry for reasons you don’t understand, like seeing you in your itty-bitty soccer jersey for the first time or watching you take your first steps. Don’t worry about that; those are happy tears. My kids are just about to wake up for the day. There’s a good chance our day will start and end (and be periodically sprinkled) with someone crying. But that’s a chance I’m willing to take to get to be their mommy for another beautiful, crazy day.

Kristi

I can remember looking around our living room shortly after my son J was born and wondering why the smallest person in the house required the most “stuff.” I was surrounded, and I suddenly felt like we needed a bigger house. All of this stuff taking over the house can be a little intimidating. If you’re like me, you may find yourself wondering why in the world you need it all, why it’s so hard to clean and why you’re always missing at least one block from the set.

What you really “need”

As any commercial or your persistent child will tell you, you need it all! Your child’s life just won’t be complete without the brand new, ultra fabulous, deluxe model of everything. Don’t ever tell my husband that I said this, but you don’t need it all. Several things I insisted that we needed for our son turned out to be completely unnecessary and more of a pain than anything else.

Take those adorable little shopping cart and high chair covers, for example. They were a touchy subject at our house for a while. I argued that it would be much more sanitary and keep J from getting his legs pinched in the shopping cart like our generation experienced (and survived, by the way). The first time I tried to put that cover into a shopping cart with one hand at a busy grocery store entrance while holding a heavy and squirmy baby, I knew I was dead wrong. We did not need that thing, and I am still eating my words.

What’s just not worth it

Other objects that I’ve discovered to be unnecessary in J’s first two years include:

Wipe warmers. The wipes at the bottom of the warmer always dried out and were ruined, and that’s money out the window!

Free-standing high chairs. So cute, but so messy and always in the way. A better alternative for us is a chair that safely straps onto one of our dining room chairs. It works perfectly. It’s all plastic, so it’s easy to clean and it takes up no extra room.

Shoes in the pre-walking months. What is it about miniature shoes? I just want them! Full disclosure—my soon to debut daughter already has a closet full of these useless shoes. If you have more restraint than I do, just know that children don’t need shoes on their feet until they start using them.

Crib bedding sets. These usually come with a comforter, crib bumpers, a crib skirt and a fitted sheet. All you really need is the fitted sheet and possibly the crib skirt if you plan to use the area under the crib for storage. J’s comforter was never used and the bumpers are actually a suffocation hazard. You’re better off buying fitted crib sheets and breathable crib bumpers.

Bulky travel systems. We did get some use out of ours, but the stroller was so bulky that I abandoned it for an umbrella stroller that didn’t take up the entire trunk of my car. Whatever stroller you decide on, test it out first. It should be lightweight and easy to set up and put away with one hand.

Flashy trainer toilets. J’s potty consists of two pieces of plastic. I can wipe it clean without breaking a sweat. Does he like it? It’s blue, and that’s all he cares about.

Toddler beds. While we haven’t made this transition yet, we are planning to simply put his mattress on the floor until he learns not to roll out of bed. If your crib is already equipped to convert to a toddler bed, then go for it!

Speaking of convertible cribs, when you do make purchases, look for multipurpose items to avoid making a new purchase every six months. The bassinet that we used for J and again for our daughter, R, is an attachment to our playpen. So, instead of using a bulky bassinet for a month or so, then tossing it in a closet until baby number two, we got all kinds of use out of the playpen in the meantime. We also discovered baby bottles that had interchangeable sippy cup lids, so when J was ready to switch to cups we just had to buy new lids instead of a new set of cups as well.

A word on cleaning

Now that I know how messy kids are (thanks for that lesson, J), I refuse to buy anything that isn’t machine washable, dishwasher safe or easily wiped clean. Any piece of baby equipment with a fabric component should be removable so you can regularly toss it into the washing machine. The best baby and toddler toys are the ones that are plastic and free of small holes and crevices. If I can’t drop it in a sink of soapy water, hose it down or wipe it with some non-toxic cleaner, I just don’t want it.

Older kids—if you haven’t already noticed—are all about toys with tons of pieces, like blocks, puzzles, toy cars or play sets with a gazillion pieces. You can’t avoid these toys completely, but you can stay one step ahead with some organization bins or toys that come with their own storage boxes or bags. A little organization goes a long way; if you don’t believe me, just wait until you step on your first wooden block on the way to the kitchen for a glass of water in the middle of the night.

Whatever you decide, keep safety and convenience in mind. Ask around before you make big purchases and check recalls on the Consumer Product Safety Commission.