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Motivating Kids During Winter Break

 Posted by on December 26, 2012 at 07:00
Dec 262012
 

Staff Blogger Kelli

Kelli

Winter break! A collective sigh is heard across the playgrounds of America. Even this mom is grateful for a break in the daily schedule of school bells and homework. We all enjoy the change of pace. Then, just a few short weeks later we breathe a different kind of sigh, a resigned one. On the other side of the holidays we face <cue scary music> the long stretch of time between New Years and spring break. It’s filled with school, homework, bedtime… rinse and repeat.

We need something to inspire our kids to get through the winter months of school and not lose that learning momentum they gained right before the classroom holiday party.

Here are some great ways to make sure you and your child’s brains don’t melt during the long winter break.

Monitor TV and video games

It is so easy to lose track of time when the kids are enjoying themselves and not fighting. I am guilty of not realizing they may have broken the world’s record for consecutive video game playing. Setting a timer (or a younger sibling) will help alert you when their video gaming needs to come to an end.

Computer time

So how is that different from video games? Well it’s not, but if you are one of my kids you have pled your case that one is more educational than the other. So, I obliged the little keen minded child by setting a short time period on the video game system and extending computer time. Math games, word games and puzzles all help sharpen math and language skills, and not one combatant is killed and no one is attacked by a zombie.

Read

Don’t read anything boring or blah. Read wonderful stories you can become animated and excited about. I love to do different voices and try (and miserably fail) at accents. The winter break is the time to read for the sheer joy and pleasure of wandering off into another land, even for just 20 minutes. There is no reporting, no pages to sign and no test to take.

Our children need to see us reading to ourselves and reading with them because it’s just plain fun! Teaching them to visualize what the author is describing exercises their imaginations in a way popping in a DVD just won’t allow.

Add a layer

If you notice a story, subject or event that really captures your kid’s attention, plan some activities around it. When some of my kids were into Camelot, King Arthur and all things medieval we decided to have a king’s feast. This requires food like big drum sticks, corn on the cob and other food you might imagine a medieval king eating. Oh and did I mention they didn’t have traditional eating utensils? You eat with your fingers, you drink ale (sparkling apple cider) and you laugh a lot. Loudly! If you are adventurous, consider mashed potatoes. Did you ever see a depiction of Henry VIII eating? It’s supposed to be loud, boisterous and messy! I recommend a plastic tarp, the driveway and a garden hose.

If a potential food fight with mashed potatoes and being clubbed with a turkey leg is a little too overboard for you, you can always have a more civilized feast. Pay attention to the way a dining hall was set up and turn your table sideways. Have a “King” and “Queen” at the head of the table with their subjects lined up along the sides. After dinner (now you can bring in your media) watch a period movie. If you want to really go wild, do a themed art project the next day. Your kids will learn more in a few days about a subject or period of history than they will all year long in a history class.

Writing

Writing is a lost art. Hand writing, long written prose on beautiful stationary. It just doesn’t happen these days with the real time connection of email, instant messaging and social media sites. Nothing, however, replaces a love letter to Grandma! “Add a layer” and make your own stationary before you write! Large pieces of butcher paper with hand and feet prints can be rolled or folded up and mailed with written messages. If your kids don’t think they have anything to write about consider using “writing prompts” such as “talk about a favorite time you remember with grandma or grandpa,” or “tell about the king’s feast and how long it took to get the mashed potatoes out of your hair.”

Our kids need to see the application of the skills they are learning in school in a way that is fun and empowers them to explore more of the world!

Letting Go: Another Big First that Broke My Heart

 Posted by on August 22, 2012 at 08:00
Aug 222012
 
Staff Blogger Cassie

This is the third time my oldest son has left me crying my eyes out on the way home. First time, it was kindergarten, second was middle school, and yesterday was high school cross country practice. School hasn’t even started yet and I’m already a wreck. There he was, bleary-eyed in his new running shoes with his athletic bag on his shoulder, leaving me. We didn’t see the coach at first, or any other kids or parents for that matter.

“Frick, go inside and see if you can find them. You walk down the hall and go left. If you don’t see anyone, meet me outside at the other door.” I pointed toward it.

He looked at me as though I just asked him to climb Mount Everest and then bravely climbed out of the car.

“You’re going to do great. You’ll have fun. I promise,” I told him as I held back tears.

Off he walked into what felt to me like the biggest building I’d ever seen (which was really a two-story high school). He looked so small, slowly putting one foot unsteadily in front of the other. All I kept thinking was, “Please let me be right. Let him be okay.”

I drove to the parking lot near the other door where I’d promised to meet him and found the coach, who was likely closer to my son’s age than mine. He was all smiles and greeted me as I rolled down my window. I explained that Frick was an incoming freshman who just moved to the area three weeks ago, and that he didn’t know a soul. There was an unspoken moment of understanding as he explained the day’s practice. I looked in my rearview and saw Frick walking toward us. Finding the balance between helicopter mom and cool mom, I said my goodbyes to the coach and sped away before Frick got to us—leaving my baby in the capable hands of the coach.

As I drove away, I lost it—a blithering mess in the car. I cried my eyes out all the way home as I thought about how much he’d grown. Frick is far from the toddler who used to “help me” put on my makeup, and then powder his own nose. I still remember him painting his entire face with diaper cream—along with the walls and the carpet. I remember the first time he rode a bike, and his first day of kindergarten. I remember spraying his room with air freshener—complete with homemade “monster spray” label—to ensure he was protected at night. I was his tooth fairy, his Easter bunny, and his Santa. And he is, and will always be, my baby.

When I came to pick him up (twenty minutes late), there was Frick with the coach, who met me again with a big smile.

“You didn’t have to wait with him. That was very nice of you,” I told him.

“Are you kidding?” he said. “Now I know this guy better than any of the other kids. He’s awesome!”

Frick smiled shyly. I was relieved. Once we got in the car, I grilled him, of course.

“So? How was it?” I asked.

“Kind of awesome.” He said.

“You’re coach seems cool.” I said casually, although I was beaming inside that he had taken the extra time with Frick.

“He’s also kind of amazing.” He said.

“Were there other freshman there?”

“Yeah. Three girls.”

Um…

That’s when it hit me. This is the place where he’ll likely meet his first girlfriend, where he’ll learn to drive, and where he will graduate (Marine Corps willing). This is where he really will “leave me.” I choked back tears and hung on his words while I twisted into a strange mess of joy and heartbreak. He made fun of me for crying. I made fun of him for making fun of me. We were back to normal.

Sometimes moving in the military can make life transitions seem even harder. There’s a big difference, in my mind, between starting high school among friends in a place that is familiar than in a place where you don’t know a soul. But it’s important to remember that military families are not the only ones with difficult transitions to manage. Teach your kids to be mindful of others when they start school in a new place and to always remember that they may not be the only “new kid,” whether military or not. Let’s face it: when kids are freshman, they’re *all* new kids.

As for you, go home, cry it out, browse through pictures from way back when, and embrace all the wonderful moments you shared with your kids. Then…go pick him up from practice knowing that this too shall pass. Personally—on my way to pick him up—I called my hubby at work and said, “I need a virtual hug.” His response?

“Suck it up, buttercup. This is only the beginning…”

Guest Blog: “Summer Shock” with my Special Child

 Posted by on July 24, 2012 at 08:00
Jul 242012
 

Blogger Biography: I am an Army wife of ten years, a former Navy brat, a mother of two, a new convert to the SAHM world, a special needs advocate, a product reviewer, a thirty-something year old woman, and an old soul with a romantic heart and an analytical mind.

Join my journey and hopefully I can add something to yours….

Hooray, it’s summer! School’s out! No more homework! No classes. Lots of free time…

No more school? The normal routine is out the window. For most children and moms, this is not a big deal. They are able to transition from the everyday routine of school into the usually unplanned chaos that is summer. However, special needs children don’t usually fall into that category and thus we and our children are thrown into what I lovingly call “Summer Shock.”

Blondie is five and is our special child. She has ADHD, speech delays, articulation problems, adjustment disorder, SPD, and OCD tendencies. Around our house, we experienced this with Blondie almost immediately after she graduated Pre-K a few short weeks ago (although it feels I’ve aged a year since). This summer is the first that she will not be attending any type of school or child development center (CDC). For her, routine and consistency is paramount to being able to function and cope with her world. Sometimes, it doesn’t work perfectly but most days it makes the difference in her behavior, ability to regulate her own emotions without redirection, handle transitions, and adjust to situations with more ease.

During the school year, Blondie has a pretty set schedule that she understands and she is comfortable knowing what to expect every day. This, for the most part, makes it easier for us to help her through any changes or surprises that come up. After all, life isn’t scripted and we can’t expect it to go exactly as we plan or hope. Am I right moms? 😉

This past school year, we planned her schedule and organized a printed, kid friendly monthly calendar for her that we hung on her wall. I included pictures that represented each big daily activity so that she knew what to expect. She always knew if the day included school, dance class, soccer, a doctor’s appointment or therapy, etc. We also included her in discussions about what to do on the weekends and allowed her to add her own relevant “entries” in her calendar. She also has a chore/responsibility chart, a “don’t forget” list with pictures (brush your teeth, play nice, please and thank you, etc.) and a daily behavior tracker (each day gets a color, green/yellow/red, based on the overall day). Also, we have a stoplight drawing along with a cut-out picture of her. We move her picture to the corresponding color based on her current temperament. That way she understands visually if she needs to calm down or is heading for a time out, etc.

Now, I’m beginning to consider “summer” a four letter word! Having a child that depends on and thrives with schedule, routine, and limited distractions is complicated enough during the school year and throwing her into a summertime lull in those expectations is a daunting, intimidating thing (and I’m talking about for me). She, of course, is excited to be out of school, home, and having fun. I, on the other hand, know that this initial excitement will be replaced with a long list of feelings, anxieties, and difficulties with adjustments as well as transition problems. I know we are looking at some level of regression when it comes to her ability or desire to regulate her emotions and behavior without redirection. I fully know to expect more meltdowns and increased need to have things perfect and heightened sensitivity to noise/fabrics/food/temperature, etc. She definitely seems to handle all of this much better when the day is planned and when she has a normal repetitive schedule.

So, taking all of this that I know about her, her needs, what works and doesn’t work during the school year, and knowledge of what will be different this summer, I forced myself to attempt to come up with a pan of action for dealing with “Summer Shock.” Of course, I have to take into account I also have a two-year-old in the midst of “the terribles and potty training,” a military husband and all the uncertainties of his occupation/schedule, and anything else life might throw our way.

Our plan, in theory is quite simple, in action will probably be so very far from simple. We are going to continue to utilize as many of the routines, charts, and activities that Blondie is accustomed to as possible. I am still working on lists and a calendar of possible activities, day trips, and other things to do this summer. My hope is to have a not quite set in stone weekly schedule that is fairly consistent all summer and make a master calendar to hang in the girls’ playroom. Again, so they both will have a visual idea of what to expect. I have already seen a huge increase in meltdowns, and temper and sensory problems with Blondie in the short time since school let out. I have resorted to using methods that we needed a long time ago and infrequently in recent memory. Lots of making sure she keeps eye contact with me when I have to discuss a meltdown with her or an unacceptable behavior. I have seen the need to have her repeat what I tell her during these discussions and hope she “gets it” at that time. We moved her stoplight chart to a more prominent location in-house and have included our two-year-old on this method as well. Since both Ginger and Blondie are home all day, we decided to make sure as many things, routines, charts, etc. as possible include or apply to them both.

That’s the plan and I’m sticking to it! You know, at least until it stops working 😉 I hope you all have a great summer and are able to reduce the “Summer Shock” in your home.

Talking to Your Teenager: Yes, It Can Be Done

 Posted by on May 9, 2012 at 08:00
May 092012
 
Staff Blogger Cassie

Cassie

How many of you have had your teenager exclaim something like, “you’re not listening” or “you don’t understand me”? Teenagers can make it hard to want to hear them out, especially when the topic is hard or when tempers are flaring. But, ironically, they need their parents to listen to them more than anyone in the world. It’s how they learn to become good listeners themselves. Here are some things to think about when talking to your teens in tough situations.

Know your environment. Be aware of your surroundings when talking to your teen about sensitive issues or when disciplining. Are you in public? Is little brother within ear shot of a private discussion about the opposite sex or bad grades? Distractions, self-consciousness, and the thought of being humiliated in front of others don’t exactly foster an open environment for communication. I mean, did you want to talk about those topics in front of someone else when you were fourteen? I didn’t think so. Relocate to a place where both you and your teen can focus or have some privacy.

Look at them and suspend other activities. Pry yourself away from your smart phone, your email, the stove, the TV—whatever is distracting you or your teen. Prepare yourself to be totally engaged in the conversation and ask your teen to do the same. Your teen needs to know you value what he or she has to say, which is pretty hard to do when you are only halfway paying attention. Be in the moment!

Listen to vocal cues. Vocal cues are pitch, tone, speed of talking, and volume. Vocal cues can influence your teen’s perception about you. Vary your pitch. Steady, high-pitched screaming by either party is not an option. Speak slowly and clearly. But when it’s his or her turn to talk, responding with “mmm-hmm,” “uh-huh,” “yes,” and “right,” can encourage your teen to keep the communication lines open.

Mirror. Mirroring is a way to ensure you and your teen are on the same page. All it means is that you repeat back what your teen has said in your own words to ensure you understand what he or she meant. Here’s an example (that happened just last week in my house):

Frick: “I didn’t turn in the assignment because I misunderstood the directions! The teacher said I could turn it in late but I just haven’t done it yet. I’m going to!”

Me: “So, what I hear you saying is that you didn’t turn in your assignment because you didn’t do it according to the directions, but that now you know how to do it correctly, and you’re going to do it right now. Is that what you’re saying?”

Frick: *sigh* “Yes, mom.”

(I love it when a plan comes together.)

Ask open-ended questions. In short, an open-ended question is one that requires more than a one-word answer. These are NOT open-ended questions:

“How was your day?”

“Fine.”

“Did you have fun at school?”

“No.”

Asking open-ended questions can lead you down the path to understanding what’s really going on with your teen.

“What did you do at school today?”

“What did you learn about in math class?”

“What did you and your friends talk about at lunch today?”

“Why do you look like you’re going to fall asleep at the dinner table?”

Validate responses by offering encouragement and support. You can informally offer support by reminding your teen that you are on his or her side and that you know what it’s like to feel overwhelmed or to do chores and homework. Acknowledge your teen’s frustration. Respect that people handle things differently and be willing to hear how or why your teen does things in a certain way. You don’t always have to agree with your kids, but you don’t always have to be right, either.

I’ve found over the years that whenever my kids feel like they have been heard, they talk to me more openly. Kids, like anyone else, like to be talked to, not talked at. Be willing to listen with an open mind and an open heart. They will be more likely to open up to you in the future, and you’ll be teaching them the importance of really listening to others.

When Your Kids Struggle in School

 Posted by on April 23, 2012 at 08:00
Apr 232012
 

Kelli

Having a child struggle in school academically can be upsetting and challenging. I’m not an education expert but I can speak to how a parent feels. You want your child to be happy and successful. It’s just not always that easy. In fact, sometimes it’s insanely hard to figure out what the heck is going on in that little brain of theirs!

As a child, I attended only two elementary schools. As a parent, I’ve been involved with nine spanning three states. Each school, each teacher, and each child are the variables.

The only constant has been our home. I believe home is the lynch pin for what happens at school. Our support of and relationship with our children have a much greater impact on them than we realize.

There’s a saying: “Where the mama itches, the family scratches.” If homework and education is a priority for me, then it becomes a priority for the kids.

I’m laughing at that last statement. I didn’t say it wasn’t painful, messy, or frustrating. If you walked into our home at certain times, you  might hear, “Homework, chores, let’s go, and if the TV goes on one more time my head will rotate and pop right off so don’t even think about it.” Continue reading »

Parenting: Making Hard Decisions

 Posted by on April 9, 2012 at 08:00
Apr 092012
 

Kelli

Last week my phone rang during my work day. The caller ID showed it was the elementary school. As a mother of many children, mostly boys, I face calls from the school with a mix of trepidation, fear, and anxiety.

Sometimes it’s a child with a “headache.” Sometimes it’s a teacher with a “headache,” namely one of my boys. And on rare occasions it’s a situation that requires me to actually put on pants and go out. Working from home means I can wear pajamas. Sometimes I wear my husband’s pajamas. They are way more comfortable for long periods of sitting and writing.  However, it’s not the best outfit to wear to the principal’s office.

I cautiously said “hello?” It was the elementary school’s principal with my youngest son in his office. I was immediately on alert. This child, a secret agent in his spare time, is so sweet and good at school. Did his cover slip and his hidden ninja come out unexpectedly? Did he have one of his weapons on him? I had failed to pat him down before leaving the house that morning. I thought we were passed smuggling plastic weapons to school.

“I have Adam here in my office with me and you are on speaker phone right now,” the principal continued after the initial greeting. This must be worse than I thought. I’m on speaker phone. “Adam has hit…” OH NO! He has come out of his shell. “Adam has hit Independent Reader status in our reading program and we wanted to let you know. We are sending home a digital picture and it will also go on our school monitor. Before he goes back to class he’s going to sit down and read to me.” Continue reading »

Mobile Military Kids: Being Your Child’s Educational Watchdog

 Posted by on April 4, 2012 at 08:00
Apr 042012
 

Kelli

One of the biggest stresses about moving is transitioning our children to new schools. Walking into the elementary school to register the kids was always stressful. I would struggle through the doors with a gaggle of kids. Usually I had a baby on the hip and one hiding behind my legs as I would register two, three, or four kids.

Juggling six children and all their unique academic needs and concerns was an exercise in madness at times. I’ve often wondered if I should wear a top hat like the Mad Hatter.

In addition to the chaos that came from the sheer number of kids I have, I would completely stress myself before we moved trying to control where the kids would end up going to school. I would research the test scores, look for any comments, and talk to anyone local to the area who would give me the time of day. In the end, I had little, if any, control over the schools they went into.

Some schools had excellent reviews and test scores, but it was in one of those schools that I encountered the worst second grade experience EVER. And in the schools plagued with low test scores and administrative woes, I found some of the most dedicated teachers.  What it really comes down to are the dynamics between the parent, teachers, and student. Continue reading »

My School Liaison Officer is My Hero

 Posted by on February 15, 2012 at 14:25
Feb 152012
 

Cassie

Military families have two kinds of years: transition years and stabilization years. We have had the great fortune to be firmly planted at one installation for (gasp) four years! That’s a record! But, all good things must come to an end. It’s time to rock the military travelin’ road show once again, and I’m finding it’s a completely different experience when you have middle and high school educational needs to consider.

I have two boys–one starting high school and another starting 7th grade. Mr. High School is very into band, is taking two high school courses as an 8th grader, and loves basketball and track. The soon-to-be 7th grader is a sports fanatic, a great student, and participates in lots of other extra-curricular goodness. The husband and I are on the hunt for a house in an area that has schools that will meet both of their needs. Continue reading »

“The Compact” is Making It Easier to Educate Our Military Children

 Posted by on February 10, 2012 at 16:22
Feb 102012
 

Robert L. Gordon III

The Interstate Compact on Educational Opportunity for Military Children (“the Compact”) is one of the ways we are working to increase the resiliency of our military families and make our military children as successful as possible.

When military families receive orders to relocate, there are a lot of things to consider. Finding a new home and settling into a new community are at the top of nearly every Service member’s list.  Military families with school-age children also need to figure out how best to make the transfer to the new school system as smooth as possible.  In particular, they may be asking the following questions (and others): Continue reading »

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