Begin Your Summer Romance

Surrounded by marriages that dissolved either early on or fell apart over the years, one thing I think we have done well is remembered to nurture each other, most of the time. Well, a lot of the time. Fine, every now and then….Truthfully it’s hard to keep the “romance” alive all the time, especially with so much change. I think of romance as the bloom of a rose bush. It wilts, dies quickly and leaves behind sturdy green stems, leaves and thorns. If you’re patient and attentive, the blooms will come again. It doesn’t mean you don’t get stuck by a thorn or two along the way.

Lately as we’ve moved from active duty to retired, from one state to another, a new job for him, had to learn to be with each other all the time, transitioned our children to new schools, learn to be good parents to our adult children and become full-time grandparents, all at the same time, doesn’t leave much time for romance. We’re old, we’re tired and we’re oh so familiar with each other’s faults and what irritates us about the other.

With summer approaching, we need a summer romance. Doesn’t everyone? Every relationship needs a boost, some nurturing, some “Summer Lovin’.” Thanks to Olivia Newton John and John Travolta that song is now stuck in my head, and now yours. You’re welcome.

What’s the best way to start that fire burning again? Why, a love letter, of course. But when you’ve lived together as long as we have what exactly do you write about?

Dear Sweetheart,

Lately, I have been overcome by events; Laundry, children, work, pretending to think about maybe making dinner again one day. It’s been many years since we first fell in love. I am more full figured than the night we met with a few more character lines in my face and if I stopped spending all our money on highlights, you’d see more silver streaking through my hair.

I endured 2 a.m. personal pity parties lying wide awake counting on my fingers what time it was where you were. I experienced things like hurricanes with six children, three dogs and a fence flying away, documenting as each panel succumbed to Mother Nature, all the while reporting in real time to you over in the sandbox with a smile.

You moved me to places I didn’t think I wanted to go and then moved from places I thought I never wanted to leave, saying goodbye to friends who became family. I held back tears knowing I’d never find them that close to me again.

I picked up and moved because it was you I wanted to spend my life with.

You were home, then you weren’t, then you were, then you weren’t. I told you one time you were only visiting and to stop messing up our schedule. That was fun figuring out how to be a partner, lover and companion to you regardless of if you were in the same room or on the other side of the world.

Somehow we did it. It was a tango that didn’t always go smoothly the first few steps when you returned or when you went. Two TVs and our own remotes helped…

You jumped out of airplanes, I held my breath. I delivered babies, you cheered me on. You dove into the oceans I said silent prayers. I was left alone with our children; you said I could do it. I said I was ruining them; you said just keep them alive, I’ll be home soon.

Our life has not been a journey of sexy music, candle-lit dinners and weekly date nights.

I’ve loved you through it all.

Standing on this side of 28 years together I clearly see the romance that was there. Not how it’s written in romance novels. Like the time you silently began picking up the glass that broke when I tried to throw a shoe at you and missed terribly. Your calm kindness not only dissolved my anger, but your comment “Stand back, you’ll hurt yourself,” while I stood on the other side of the room caused me to giggle.

Or how about all those times you took leave to relax and I lured you into my weekly schedule? You were more tired at the end of the week than when you took leave.

You jump right in when I start a new project like bee keeping. I know those glares you shot my way were just pretend.

The most romantic gesture was the time you came home from work and I was pregnant with our fourth baby. I was running out the door as you came in to go to a meeting and you looked around the house. There was certain level of destruction beyond normal that evening. You sighed, took off your cammie blouse and said, “Well, I guess I’ll clean up before I cook dinner.” I fell in love with you all over again in that moment. I kissed you and quickly left. I needed to go. I’ve never forgotten that moment.

Now we still stand side by side as we leave active duty and enter “retired” status. We are now the “old people” — the ones I feared becoming when we attended our first Marine Corps ball 26 years ago.  Life has been a whirlwind of change as it has always been since the day we met. I just wanted to take a minute, stand in the eye of the storm and tell you thank you.

Love,

Me

Now, write about what you love. Together or apart, you can have a summer romance. Rekindle the flames if they have died down or fan them even hotter. If your relationship needs a little extra nurturing, take advantage of the no-cost non-medical counseling available to you through Military OneSource. Strengthen each other and make this summer one to remember and keep the roses blooming.