November 2015 – Blog Brigade

BlogBrigade-GiveItBack-post-24Nov2015

Kristi

Somewhere around four years and three states ago, my son lost that breathtaking excitement a child gets out of something as simple as a cardboard box. Maybe all the moving has desensitized him to cardboard, who knows? At age 2, my daughter still has it. She gasped so long after opening a care package from her Nana and Papa that I had to remind her to take a breath, and this was before she even knew what was wrapped up in the packing paper.

As their mom, I knew it was on me to deliver an attitude adjustment (or, in my daughter’s case, bad attitude prevention). Teaching graciousness, thankfulness and respect is my job and my husband’s job. It’s definitely not the job of a cartoon character or a teacher (trust me, teachers’ plates are full without adding this to the lesson plan). So, last holiday season I decided to take action against:

Tantrums brought on by the word, “no”
Stand-offs because I gave my kid the red straw when he was clearly (silently, in his own head) envisioning sipping his milk through the blue straw
Whining
Complaints of boredom
Complaints that all of our toys are boring
The sense of entitlement
Selfishness
Dinnertime protests against anything unprocessed or covered in cheese

Not-so-random acts of kindness

My plan was to get the kids involved in giving back. For 25 days, we worked together to help others, give instead of receive and make our community an all-around better place for everyone. Every day, for 25 days, the kids opened an envelope to find their act of kindness mission for the day. Here’s what we did:

Hold the door open for 10 people.
Hide five $1 bills around store shelves for shoppers to find.
Leave stamps in the stamp machine at the post office.
Donate supplies to the animal shelter.
Send cookies to work with daddy.
Donate change to the Salvation Army.
Drop off lunch for firefighters.
Pay the tab for the car behind us at the drive-thru.
Donate canned goods to a holiday food drive.
Mail letters to loved ones.
Donate stuffed animals to the police station to comfort children in traumatic situations.
Take cookies to hard-working teachers before their holiday break.
Clean up trash around the neighborhood. For safety, the kids wore gloves, and anything especially gross was mommy’s job to clean up.
Deliver flowers to a nursing home, and ask that they be given to the resident who most needs them.
Compliment three people.
Donate clothes, toys and books we’ve outgrown.
Mail a care package to a service member spending the holidays overseas.
Leave money with a parking lot attendant at the airport to cover the fees for the next driver. (I initially wanted to do this at the hospital parking garage, but the parking was free. I figured stressed holiday travelers could use a little kindness too. The attendant was so excited to be a part of this act of kindness that you would’ve thought I’d given her a check for a million dollars!)
Give Santa a present at the mall — the kids drew him pictures.
Leave a stack of pennies next to a fountain with a note that says, “For wishes.”
Deliver breakfast or coffee to the gate guards.
Drop off crayons and coloring books to a hospital waiting room.
Leave bus fare on bus benches around town.
Pack and deliver chemo care packages to the cancer center.
Donate a toy to Toys For Tots.

Some of these will be back this holiday season, but I’ve been busily brainstorming a few new ideas to throw in the mix:

Corral shopping carts left around a parking lot.
Deliver holiday treats to our neighbors.
Cheer on runners at a race.
Please and thank you day — say them all day when you ask for something or receive something.
Plant a tree.
Leave homemade bookmarks with kind messages inside books at the library.
Let someone go ahead of us in line.
Donate school supplies — pencils and paper aren’t usually on anyone’s mind after August, but those supplies run out, and teachers often dip into their own pockets to provide for their students.
Clean up a neighborhood park.

Make it work for your family

My kids are pretty young, so, for now, the acts of kindness are fairly simple with lots of parent involvement (which I didn’t mind because even grown-ups need reminders once in a while). If you have older kids, you might find success in volunteering time or giving your teenagers the reins to come up with ideas of their own.

This is a tradition that I absolutely fell in love with last year, and I can’t wait to get started on the acts of kindness this holiday season. However small, my kids are making a difference and they’re seeing the value in that. These gestures can turn someone’s crummy day around (even our own). They can offer a little hope in a hopeless situation. They offer thanks to someone in an otherwise thankless job. They can cause a chain reaction of kindness. A little kindness goes a long way, and that’s a lesson worth teaching at any age.

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BlogBrigade-FindingFamilyTime-post-24Nov2015

Kelli

I’m looking at the title of this blog, Finding Family Time. Part of me sighed and thought, “Just one more thing on my list of mom things I’m failing at.” I don’t want this blog to make YOU feel that way. In fact, I’d like to be very clear and state this is not an easy task, no matter your family size or situation. Modern-day life in the 21st century tells us we have to do and be all things to all people at all times, and that is not possible. It’s overwhelming, and it creates a lot of baggage for our families if we don’t set boundaries and, more importantly, expectations.

Making time

You can’t “make” time — really we should say designating time, saving a spot or carving time out of our lives to spend together as a family. This means sacrifices on everyone’s part. I promise you, time spent as a family will have a more positive effect than any club, sport, or organization can have on you and your family. We need time with each other — and not just sitting in front of a TV. Learn to schedule your family time into your calendars and say “no” to other commitments that try to push it aside.

Technology free

I am not anti-technology, in fact, I love my phone. Like, I really love it because when I misplace it I can’t function. Yes, I’m one of those people. However, that tiny screen keeps us from connecting on the deeper levels with people and communicating the way we need to communicate — the old-fashioned, face-to-face, eyeball-to-eyeball, in the same room, doing something together. If your family has tiny super computers in their pockets, just know it will be really weird the first few times you ban technology. Stick to it. Amazing things happen, I promise.

Family counsel vs. family time

If every time you try to do something as a family and it disintegrates into who’s not helping around the house or who spent the most money, it will be a disaster and no one will want to ever get together again. You need time to build happy memories, do hard things together, serve, and tighten the bonds that bind brothers and sisters together and parents to children. Family counsels are a better time to discuss the issues your family may be facing. One-on-one time with each other or your children is the appropriate time to discuss a specific issue, not a group setting.

When, where and what

When? Whenever you and your family determine is the best time. In my family, we save Saturday morning for house cleaning, Sunday afternoons for family dinners and Monday evenings for family night. We all seem to like each other a little bit better. Our home runs more smoothly, and everything else seems to fall into place.

If there are events already scheduled, you can easily make this family time as well. Supporting each other is part of what bonds a family together. Take advantage of these activities already in your schedule. Throw in ice cream afterward, and there you go!

Where? Everywhere! Depending on what you’re doing, it doesn’t matter. Take advantage of recreation areas, events and entertainment in your area. Get to know where you live, or just stay home and keep it simple. The point is: Be together.

What? Well, this is also wide open and limited only by your family’s interests, abilities and imagination. We have done movie nights in a blanket fort, hikes, ice cream runs, service projects, game night or sat around eating snacks and talking. Those casual nights have been the best. It doesn’t have to cost anything but your time and commitment to making it happen.

Warning #1

Not every family gathering is fun. Sadly, not everyone wants to participate, but I’m the mom, and sometimes you do something just because your mom said so. Those are not always the most fun, but you’d be surprised at the crazy memories you create even when it’s not “fun.” Persevere, push through and don’t take it personal. You’re dealing with humans — your humans — and they are not perfect… yet.

Warning #2

Not every family event has to be planned in detail. In fact, I couldn’t keep up if I had to have elaborate weekly family activities. I have a large family, and the thought of forced family fun is just exhausting for some of my people. Knowing there will be more relaxed times helps them play nice during the more structured activities together.

Warning #3

Most family activities do not turn out the way you think, hope or want them too, and that is OK. Some of us (uh hmm) have control issues. It’s OK for the time together to meander and change from what you thought was going to happen. In fact, the more relaxed you are, the better time everyone has. I speak from experience of NOT being relaxed.

Finally, my last piece of advice is really more of a reality check. You DO have time for whatever you think is most important. Your family is part of who you are, and in the end, the most important part of your life. Families are made up of more than just DNA, especially when you’re in the military, so no matter who you consider family, the important thing is you make it happen, and you make it happen together.