“Wait” is Not a Dirty Word

“Waiting.” It’s really not a dirty word. No. Really. It isn’t. Waiting implies…caution. It implies thinking something through before committing. It even implies patience, expectance, and looking forward to what is next.

As a military family, there are certain pressures we face, ranging from deployments to frequent moves to… starting a family? Whether it’s self-imposed or from peers and society, the pressure to have kids now is something military spouses face more frequently than our civilian counterparts. Many military spouses tend to start their families at a younger age. But what about the minority of us who have decided to wait?

My husband didn’t join the military until he was twenty-one years old, and I didn’t meet him until after his military occupational specialty school. Since I’m a year older than him as it is, we’re a few years older than a lot of our military peers. And my-oh-my, what a difference a few years makes in military life!

So many of our friends have young children that sometimes we feel a little left out. Especially when couples give us that incredulous look that says, “You don’t have kids yet?” Or worse yet, I once had a doctor on a military installation ask me if I had children or if I was trying to get pregnant. When I told her, “No, not yet,” she turned around sharply and said, “Why not?!”

“We’re waiting,” was all I replied, despite the fact that she hurt my overly sensitive feelings. I just didn’t understand. Back home where I’m from, none of my friends were even remotely ready for babies yet. Half of them weren’t even engaged or married. So why was “waiting” so wrong?

Well, it may have taken me a few years to come ’round to it, after some reflecting with my husband and seeking the advice of close friends (both within and outside military life). But, I know now that waiting is not wrong, not bad, and certainly not a dirty word! Here are some of the many reasons why we decided to “wait” to have kids:

• waiting until we’re financially stable
• waiting until the time is right between moves, deployments, etc…
• waiting until we’re older and more mature
• waiting until we have progressed in our careers
• waiting until we are emotionally and psychologically ready
• waiting until we accomplish life goals, like education and travel
• waiting until we have more confidence that we will be a great parents
• waiting until we’ve had plenty of quality time as a couple

Our main reasons for waiting are financial stability, timing, and selfishness. Being financially stable is the biggest reason for us as a couple. We want to be able to provide certain things for our children, and we want to feel confident that we’ll be able to do that before we get pregnant. That’s why we place so much importance on our careers! We’re focusing on work now so we can play later.

While timing seems pretty obvious, it just never seems to be right. Finding the “right time” for babies is an important decision. For us, timing not only involves where we are in our careers and life goals, but also where we are in my husband’s military cycle. Will be he be deploying soon? Should we wait until he returns home? Will we be PCSing soon? How long will we be stationed there? All these questions have factored into our decision to wait, in some way or another.

Lastly, we’re selfish.

There. It’s out there. Selfishness is the third reason why we are waiting to have children. If I asked my husband, he might deny it at first, but I’m pretty sure he would eventually agree. We both enjoy our time together more than anything. We cherish sleeping in on Saturdays, road trips without car seats, and going grocery shopping for all things not diapers. We love our life as it is now.

In the end though, the truth is that we are so excited to have kids. I know my husband and I will be rock star parents when we are finally ready, and that’s what gets me past the times when others make me question our decision to wait. The quality time we have together now, before kids, will make us stronger parents in the long run… ready to tackle the world!

Oh, and don’t forget that just because we may not be ready for our own kids yet, it doesn’t mean we don’t love your kids. We want to be invited to your kid-friendly events. Where else am I going to get ideas for my future baby’s birthday party?