Cassie
One of the current blog call topics is all about deployment superpowers. Oh yeah, guys. I found mine during my husband’s first deployment to Iraq. Can I just say that I never thought I’d be standing with my rear in the air, scrubbing out the inside of an outdoor trash can? It’s amazing what happens when the hubby disappears and you’re faced with “clean it yourself or deal with the stench of rotten food stuck to the bottom for eight. long. months.” I voted for option A. Trash can cleaning was just one of the superpowers I discovered while my hubby was away. Here are a few others.
Plumber. I now know how to unclog a toilet with a plunger, to use a “snake” to retrieve little, metal cars from said toilet, to clean hair from drains (mostly mine, anyway), and what NOT to put in the garbage disposal to avoid a call to a real plumber. FYI—garbage disposals don’t like shredded carrots, potato peelings, or rocks from fish tanks. Just sayin’.
Fire tamer. I’m not going to lie. I didn’t know how to light the grill before my husband left, much less start a beach fire. I’m totally a pro, now. And I only burned one pair of flip flops during the learning process.
Sports ninja. I consider myself somewhat athletic. But having little boys brings new meaning to the word “energy.” Every afternoon, while the kids were outside, I stayed out with them. I learned to ride a push scooter, to skateboard, and to jump on a trampoline without breaking an arm. I even coached my son’s basketball team with another mom. We were six and two for the season, thank you very much.
CPA. Now, I will admit that I handled the finances even before the hubby left, but doing taxes ALONE, and budgeting for groceries ALONE, and buying a car ALONE are things I had never done before. We even had a no-pay-due when my husband first deployed. That means we didn’t receive a paycheck because we were overpaid two months’ worth of our Basic Allowance for Housing during a move. The lesson to be learned there? If your service member is overpaid, know that it will come out of their check eventually. Avoid these things by staying on top of your family’s Leave and Earnings Statement. Check it monthly and plan ahead! Fluctuations in pay happen A LOT.
Volunteer extraordinaire. After all our years in the military, I knew the best way to stay informed was to volunteer for our unit, which I did. What I didn’t realize, though, was that people eventually thought I knew what I was doing. I found myself in a position to mentor brand-spankin’-new spouses and help them through a time that was difficult for all of us. I also discovered that during the worst parts of that deployment, when we knew our unit had suffered multiple casualties, I had a sisterhood I didn’t even know existed. You guys? The folks I met during that deployment are some of the best friends I have in my life. Volunteering was the best thing I could have done to make it through.
Education tamer. When the hubby left, Frick and Frack (my kids…no, those aren’t their real names) were seven and five. I attended every parent/teacher conference, volunteered in the library, went on field trips, and walked my kids to school every day in an effort to ensure they weren’t going to light the school on fire when someone wasn’t looking. But, mainly, I did it because if I didn’t, no one would. And as I mentioned before, I like to be kept informed.
It’s now eight years later and my husband, it sometimes feels, is gone more than he is home. Do I miss him when he’s away? Sure. A quarter of our family is missing—a sixth if you count our dogs. But what I discovered during that first deployment is that there is a difference between surviving in the military and thriving in the military. Yes, I’ll gladly give up trash can cleaning duty the minute he walks back in the door, but I discovered that I CAN do it, along with a lot of other things I didn’t think I had the strength to do alone. That deployment changed me—in a good way. I value every minute of time with my husband even when we fight. I am a hundred times tighter with my boys. And I can light the grill with the best of them. What are your deployment superpowers?
Cheers,
Cassie
Funny, I had a similar trash can experience too. 🙂 My husband and I have only had one deployment so far but it was one of the best experiences we’ve ever had. I learned that I am I capable of so much more than I ever thought possible.
One of the hardest parts for me was having to make decisions entirely on my own. Not being able to call him up anytime I had concerns over something was very difficult at first. But, you learn to be flexible with what you can, control what’s within reach and be patient. Patience is key. Thanks for the article, Cassie!
Sometimes you don’t realize how super your powers are until you need to use them! You didn’t know your own strength! Now you can share what you learned and help grow those spouses experiencing their first deployment.
I loved your article. As the wife of a retired Navy man and the mother of two Army men, I can identify completely. Out of necessity, military wives have evolved into very competent and strong women who must “hold down the fort” until their husbands return. Our sons have chosen strong women and we are completely confident that they will be up to the task. The military life can be a wonderful experience if you embrace whatever comes and the skills learned will last a lifetime. To quote your article, “there is a difference between surviving in the military and thriving in the military.”
On my husbands first deployment, I was terrified! I absolutely did not know how I was going to get through this year alone with a 1 1/2 yr old and 7 year old. I remember thinking, “I can not do this, I can not do this, there is no way I can do this…” Then, God decided that I would be given the opportunity to show my real super powers. One month after my husband left, I was diagnosed with a rare cancer in the soft tissue of my ankle and calf. The army sent him home for 2 week emergency leave for my surgery and prepping the house for my 6 weeks of immobility. The day I was released from the hospital, he got back on the plane. I was non weight bearing in a 2 story house for the first 6 weeks and then 6 weeks of radiation treatment. Thankfully, I had a huge support system from our church. I made it through. Once my cancer treatment was over and I started to heal, I realized…hmmmmph Deployment , smoyment….if I just survived cancer during a deployment, I CAN DO ANYTHING!!!! In many ways it was a blessing. I learned so much about myself, my inner strength, my faith, my resolve, and my friends. I may not have learned so much if my darling husband was here during this trial.