How to Adjust to Civilian Life After Combat Duty With the National Guard or Reserve

Everything changes, and that's often a positive. But if you've recently returned from deployment with your National Guard or reserve unit, you may find that your transition to civilian life is more challenging than you expected. Your family and friends might seem different, and so might you. Although you probably won't go back to being exactly the same person you were before deployment, there are things you can do to help you feel comfortable being back home.

Re-establish relationships with family and friends

You might want to just pick up where you left off with family and friends, but life at home may have shifted a bit. Maybe your spouse has become more independent. Maybe your kids don't behave the way you remember. Your parents might be trying to understand how your experiences have affected you. And your old friends may not be on the same page as you. Re-establishing relationships with the important people in your life after combat duty requires patience and understanding.

What you can do as a partner

It will take time to return to comfortable daily life as you reconnect with your spouse or partner. Here are some suggestions to help make that happen:

• Learn about your spouse's experiences — Talk about what has been going on at home. Listen closely to the answers so you can better understand the changes in each of you. You will begin to find the trust and comfort you both need in your relationship.
• Try to adapt — Understanding how things have worked while you were gone makes it easier to figure out how to share responsibilities.
• Share what you can about your combat duty — It might be easier to talk about experiences with unit buddies, but doing so with your spouse can improve your relationship.
• Make sure stress reactions aren't affecting your relationship — Angry outbursts, aggression, physical or emotional withdrawal, unrealistic expectations and frequent unresolved conflicts can hurt even the best relationship. Consider getting professional help if you see this happening.
• Go slowly — Even when getting back together seems to be going well, it makes sense not to rush things. It takes time to reconnect and achieve the emotional and physical closeness you both want.

What you can do as a parent

Kids learn quickly. Maybe the baby who could only crawl when you left is now walking. Maybe the middle schooler who was playing with dolls has moved on to softball. These are all exciting changes that come with growth. You can help reconnect with your kids by:

• Recognizing and accepting your kids' stages — Listen to your kids and talk to teachers, caregivers and your spouse to understand how your kids have changed.
• Taking time to get back into the parent role — Your kids may have to get used to how you parent again. Try to be patient if they don't always respond the way you'd like.

What you can do as a single service member

As a single service member, re-establishing a relationship with your parents, other family members and friends may take some effort. Here's what you can do:

• Recognize their needs — It may be hard for your parents to adjust. They may be so relieved to have you back home that they want to fuss over you. Try to understand where they are coming from and help create the kind of relationship you want.
• Expect that people will want your time and attention — Even after the initial festivities, parents, relatives and friends may continue to make you the center of attention. Be honest with them. Talk about what you're comfortable with.
• Resist becoming isolated — Sometimes it's easier to withdraw, but that's not the healthiest way to go. Reach out to other veterans for friendship, or get involved in activities where you can meet new people.

Find a place in your community

Getting connected to a larger community is important. Community involvement provides a wider circle of friends and neighbors who can support and appreciate you. You can get involved in:

• Service organizations
• Clubs
• Civic groups
• Places of worship

Finally, don't rush it. It's normal to need time to readjust when returning from a combat zone. Remember that reintegration support is available. Take advantage of the many resources offered to help make your transition smoother. They are there to help you succeed.