"I'm not bothering anybody," heavy drinkers often convince themselves. But, alcohol addiction is a disease that doesn't just hurt the abuser; it can also have a lasting and harmful effect on all members of the family, including spouses, children, parents or friends. Alcohol abuse can:
- Cut into family time and finances
- Strain family relationships
- Make interactions confusing, especially for kids
- Isolate family members from each other, friends or coworkers
- Cause concerned family members to become enablers or lie to protect the alcohol abuser
- Cause family members to give up hope that the alcohol abuser will get help, and – instead – cut them off emotionally or financially
Addiction is a family disease, and every member of the family will have their own road to recovery; the military has resources to help.
Read More »
Alcohol Abuse: A Family's Recovery Process
Alcohol abuse is anything but a private matter. Anyone who grew up in a family with an alcoholic or is currently living with one knows the pain and suffering alcohol can cause. Some of the most basic parts of a relationship, like trust and communication, between some of the most important people in an alcohol abuser's life become clouded.
It can be easy to spend your time protecting the alcohol abuser in your family – cleaning up messes and making excuses. But your wellbeing is every bit as important. Help your loved one recognize alcohol abuse, and in doing so help yourself.
Spouses or partners
Know
where to turn if you need immediate help.
It's common for spouses or partners of alcoholics to:
- Deny a problem to protect the relationship, the alcohol abuser, the kids, and even the drinker's job or security clearance (if the alcohol abuser is a service member)
- Become consumed with getting your spouse or partner to stop drinking
- Make a habit of concealing the drinking, and taking over responsibilities that are neglected by the drinker
- Resent the drinker
- Pull away from the relationship or reduce communication
- Withhold intimacy
- Become a target for domestic abuse
- Reach a point of exhaustion
- Lose hope that the alcohol abuser will seek help or change
Children
Growing up in a home with an alcoholic can have long-lasting effects on an impressionable child. Children of alcohol abusers typically:
- Don't easily trust others or feel secure
- Feel lonely
- Feel different from other kids
- Feel guilt, despair or fear of abandonment
- Act out, sometimes inappropriately, to get attention
- Have low self-esteem or self-worth
- Blame themselves for their parent's alcohol abuse
- Have nightmares or wet the bed
- Struggle in school
- Develop long-term phobias or become perfectionists
Even after becoming adults, children of alcoholics often:
- Have issues with trust and intimacy
- Carry over poor self-esteem from childhood
- Make their own unhealthy choices
- Experience difficulty in work or relationships
The road to recovery is a family affair
If you are the family member of an alcoholic, you feel the effects of alcohol abuse. In some way or another the road to recovery will help you, too. Assistance is available to help you begin the recovery process.
- Don't go through it alone. Find support through Al-Anon or Alateen family groups. Your installation family support center can provide location information in your area.
- Allow the alcohol abuser to face the consequences of his or her behavior. Remember, it isn't your job to shield your loved one from consequences. You can remain a positive part of the recovery process while allowing your loved one to face his or her own reality and recovery.
- Recognize and stop your own coping behaviors. Lectures, bribes and empty threats are not real solutions to a bigger issue. To get to the root of alcohol abuse, you must stop lying or covering for your loved one, accept that the problem is real and encourage true means of recovery.
- Stay active. Both as a family and on your own, get out of the house, stay involved and stay social. Spend your time with positive people. Find new favorite places, and find healthy outlets outside the home.
- Include the kids. Even the youngest kids recognize when something isn't right, so they deserve a version of recovery. Keep kids in the loop so that you can all grow together as a family.
The road to recovery begins with a single step, and it's OK not to know where to plant your foot. To begin the process, call Military OneSource at 800-342-9647. A trained consultant can help you identify your needs and your treatment options, including referrals and military alcohol abuse programs.