*Military OneSource does not provide medical counseling services for issues such as depression, substance abuse, suicide prevention or post-traumatic stress disorder. The article below is intended for informational purposes only. Military OneSource can provide referrals to your local military treatment facility, TRICARE or another appropriate resource.
When your spouse returns from a deployment with a combat stress injury or post-traumatic stress disorder, you might find yourself preoccupied with caring for him or her. It is imperative that you find time to take care of yourself too. The stress that follows a service member home from combat often affects everyone in the household. To do the best for you and your spouse, your care also has to be a priority. If you feel emotionally and physically exhausted by the role of caregiver, know there are steps you can take to find relief.
Combat stress and symptoms
Combat stress is a common reaction to the stressful, dangerous and disturbing experiences of war. It’s often the natural outcome of exposure to one or more traumatic or life-threatening events, or being in a high-stress environment for a prolonged period of time. Everyone is changed in some way by combat experiences. For some, the symptoms of combat stress are actually symptoms of an injury, and these can become a longer-term mental health concern.
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Symptoms of combat stress can begin immediately after a traumatic experience, but in many cases, weeks or months pass before they become apparent. Common symptoms most likely to affect family life and relationships include:
- Angry outbursts, irritability or aggressive behavior
- Being constantly on guard or easily startled, loss of confidence and trust
- Loss of positive or loving feelings toward loved ones
- Feeling numb and without emotion
- Flashbacks, nightmares and painful recollections
- Loss of interest in life, mounting sadness, depression or isolation
- Risky behavior such as drug or alcohol abuse and unsafe driving
Post-traumatic stress disorder
When symptoms of combat stress continue without improvement, or even worsen, it may mean the development of PTSD. Post-traumatic stress disorder is a medically recognized anxiety condition that can occur after exposure to trauma. Your service member should get professional help if symptoms continue for more than a few weeks, worsen or interfere with normal daily life. There are effective treatments and getting help early can prevent symptoms from increasing or becoming a long-term problem.
Caregiver burden
Ongoing combat stress symptoms create the need for a caregiver. Family members often take up the role and can become overwhelmed with the responsibilities. Caregiver burden describes the physical and emotional strain of caring for someone with a chronic illness or dysfunction. Combat stress and PTSD can be both chronic and debilitating. Caring for a spouse with combat stress or PTSD can leave you feeling weary. Symptoms of caregiver burden include:
- Anxiety, stress, depression, social isolation and health problems
- The belief it's your responsibility to keep your loved one calm and comfortable
- The feeling that you need to take over all responsibility for finances, child rearing and household upkeep
- The worry that you have to control the circumstances that can trigger symptoms
Coping strategies
If you're living with a combat veteran who shows signs of combat stress or has been diagnosed with PTSD, there are many things you can do to reduce your caregiver burden. By caring for yourself too, you will be better able to protect your marriage and family. These suggestions from PTSD experts have helped many family members manage the changes in their lives:
- Familiarize yourself with combat stress and PTSD. You can start with online resources through the Veteran Administration's VA National Center for PTSD.
- Encourage your loved one to get help. Care for combat stress and PTSD is available through the Military Health System. If you're not sure where to start, talk to a Military OneSource consultant at 800-342-9647.
- Acknowledge your service member has been injured. Understand that combat stress and PTSD are not weaknesses, but injuries. Knowing this helps erase the stigma that prevents many combat veterans from getting the mental health treatment they need and deserve.
- Have reasonable expectations of yourself. Family members often believe they must take care of their loved one's every need and make everything perfect at home. It is okay to let some things go.
Caring for yourself
Caring for a loved one with a combat stress injury can be emotionally and physically taxing, and though you may solely be concerned with helping your loved one cope, your well-being is also important. Allow yourself time to accept the changes in your life and relationship. If you take care of yourself, you are better able to care for your loved one.
- Resist guilt. Caring for someone with a combat stress injury is a large responsibility; don't feel guilty if you don't have all the answers or need to seek help.
- Seek your own support system. When your loved one has a combat stress injury, you become their support, but you also need a support system. A social support system of friends and relatives, or a more structured support system of organized support groups or medical professionals, can make a huge difference. Casual and structured support can provide resilience and boost your general well-being. Seek support in safe friends or groups where you know you will be heard without judgment.
- Make time for you. Find a relaxing place and give yourself time to regroup and recharge. Step outside, go into a quiet place in the home or even sit in your car for a few minutes. Taking a few moments to breathe deeply and reset your emotions is crucial when living under continual stress. Regular exercise is another example of a positive and healthy way to cope with stress.
- Celebrate happy memories and create new ones. A loved one with a combat stress injury may not seem like the family member you remember. Keep some of your favorite memories in mind, especially when you're feeling particularly sad or disappointed. Whenever possible, make time for family traditions and activities so your family can create new memorable moments.
Communicating with children
If you have children who are exposed to your loved one's combat stress symptoms, they're likely as frightened, confused and stressed as you are.
Try to explain the reasons for the combat stress symptoms in a way that's appropriate for the child's age and without going into disturbing details. Create opportunities for children to express their feelings, and enjoy occasional outings with your kids so you can focus on one another. Watch for signs of depression in your child and be proactive to get counseling or support for them as well.
For additional help
If you continue to find yourself struggling and feeling overwhelmed, individual counseling or a support group for family members may give you a place to share your feelings and give you the coping skills you need.
You can access free, confidential non-medical counseling services by contacting Military OneSource at 800-342-9647 or by contacting a military and family life counselor through your Military and Family Support Center. Non-medical counseling is designed to address issues such as improving relationships at home and work, stress management, adjustment issues such as returning from a deployment, marital problems, parenting, and grief and loss issues.
The counselors available through Military OneSource and the MFLC program can also provide referrals for medical counseling services in your local community.