Leaving Your Children With a Caregiver During Deployment

Deployments mean family separation. Planning ahead can help. Use these tips to help smooth the transition for you, your child and the caregiver, and lay the foundation for a less-stressful deployment:

• Establish a family care plan. This plan is an essential document for deployment readiness that lists the child's caregivers during a single or dual-military parent's deployment.
• Prearrange your child's finances. Sure, you need to leave your caregiver enough money to cover essentials for your child while you are gone, but don't forget some extra cash for items like prom pictures and other fun money. It's easy. You can set up an allotment or direct deposit to the caregiver's account with the pay clerk at your unit's personnel office or use the myPay online service.
• Prepare the caregiver with all documentation. Your caregiver needs a copy of your power of attorney to enroll your child in school, daycare or arrange doctor’s visits, and your Legal Assistance Office can help you set it up. Be sure to provide your child’s military ID card, too.
• Give details on installation and medical services. Provide your child's caregiver with a command point of contact during your deployment. Give your caregiver a letter of permission and details on how to access installation services, such as the commissary or exchange, in addition to medical providers and other programs for your child. Remember to provide health records for children who are not enrolled in TRICARE.
• Describe your child's prescription schedule. Work with the caregiver before you leave so they fully understand how to administer and refill prescriptions.
• Explain relationships change. Talk to the caregiver and your child about how their relationship will change. At first, it may be difficult for your child to see the caregiver as a confidant or disciplinarian, especially if they are not used to seeing each other often.
• Keep your child at home. Your deployment may be easier for your child if he doesn't have to move away. A non-military caregiver may move into your military housing to care for your child during your deployment. Discuss this option early in the process to prepare your child and the guardian for changes and adjustments.
• Track behavioral changes. Let the caregiver know your child may have normal behavioral changes while you are gone. Younger children may become clingy and fearful. Older children may act out, have trouble paying attention, or experience sleep problems. Make sure your child's teachers, coaches, and religious leaders know about your deployment so they can offer support. If these behaviors don't go away over time, the caregiver may want to seek help from Military OneSource, the Military and Family Support Center on the installation or a civilian support services within the local community.
• Meld the routines. Remember routines may change for everyone. This may help with the adjustment. Knowing that the child watches Sesame Street in the morning can help deflect major meltdowns before waffles are served.
• Check in often. Establish a regular time for phone calls and internet chats for the guardian and the child. Let the caregiver know how to reach you if your child needs to talk to you. This is important for maintaining a relationship during and after deployment.

Moving a child to the caregiver's home

• Make the new home child friendly. A safe place for youngsters to play or a quiet study-zone for older kids are just two ways to help your child adjust to a new home.
• Find out about school admission requirements. If your child changes schools during your deployment, he may need his immunization records or a move up to the next grade in a certain class.
• Look for similar programs in the new location. Ensure a move doesn't disrupt services for your child, such as an Individualized Education Program.
• Make sure your high school student doesn't miss graduation. Check with the out-of-state high school's administrative office before your senior enrolls, he may not have taken all the required courses, such as state history classes, to graduate on time.
• Emphasize equal treatment. The caregiver may have her own children at home. If the caregiver's children get sent to their rooms for disobeying, the caregiver might want to establish the same consequences to your child to be fair and avoid resentment. Discuss this with your child and the caregiver.
• If possible, introduce your child or teen to people in the new environment to make the transition easier — it's always nice to know someone when you move.

Added tips for a sudden deployment

The prospect of deploying on a moment's notice is real. Planning will help everyone feel confident that everything is under control.

• Choose an interim caregiver. Ask a trusted neighbor or close friend to fill in as an interim caregiver until your child's predetermined caregiver can take over. Be sure to name the interim caregiver in your Family Care Plan and include a special power of attorney for the interim caregiver.
• Maintain an emergency fund. To be sure you have immediate funds for your child should a deployment pop up quickly, create an emergency fund. Speak to a financial counselor through your installation Personal Financial Management Program or call Military OneSource at 800-342-9647.

Your military child is resilient, but deployments can be tough on everyone. To limit your stress, and theirs, during this period think through all these points and plan ahead. Your future self and your child's caregiver may thank you.