Drew Curtis' FARK.com

Fri March 27, 2015

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Have you ever said to yourself "if only I could get paid to get drunk and surf the web"? This guy does source: uproxx.com \| share:	(15)
		It was then that I saw a nine foot tall space alien chatting quietly to the astronauts source: metro.co.uk \| share:	(21)
		Germanwings crash co-pilot and his girlfriend were having a "serious crisis in their relationship." Apparently mass murder was an available remedy source: msn.com \| share:	(66)

		Totalfark: Sort of like Thunderdome, but with alcohol. And cats
		Meanwhile in Seattle, ten goats escaped a pen and chased after children. Seattle's finest was on the case source: mashable.com \| share:	(13)
		Her ticket to hell has been upgraded to first-class. This 'mom' physically abused her baby, and faked cancer for people to show sympathy to her source: pennlive.com \| share:	(37)
		Study finds that people with lower back pain who smoke, drink, are depressed or obese should make some lifestyle changes. Like starting with pretty much everything source: webmd.com \| share:	(21)
		McDonald's has built fast food's first "Bike-Thru Drive-Thru." As if their average customer could even ride a bike two blocks to get a Big Mac source: foodbeast.com \| share:	(69)
		Woman teaches cat sign language. What kind of signs do you teach a cat? "Kneading chest" means "feed me" and "clawing eyes out" means "I love you". What more do you need? source: huffingtonpost.com \| share:	(28)

		Still trying to figure out how this wasn't the result of a drunken bar bet. The dog, not WTFark
		Canadian veteran on disability tired of annual tradition of providing proof that his legs are still gone source: cbc.ca \| share:	(56)
		Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice, prisoners are forced to fight each other for deputies amusement. The Superfriends aren't what they used to be source: cnn.com \| share:	(32)
		Everyone calm the f*ck down about global warming, the geoengineering dudes have this one source: motherjones.com \| share:	(79)
		Criminal mastermind swallows drugs to avoid arrest, succeeds source: sun-sentinel.com \| share:	(17)
		A fierce legal battle with millions of dollars in royalties at stake has broken out over a 100+ year old song whose lyrics total only 16 words source: cbsnews.com \| share:	(56)
		Berkeley has an ambassador program to assist people with directions, keep the streets clean and such. Let's meet Ambassador Suckerpunch source: nbcbayarea.com \| share:	(13)
		NCAA: We don't know why you did this. If you want $$$ we can help. But if you want bigotry, we have locations other than Indiana. Locations that don't advertise bigotry. If you repeal, that will be the end of it. If not, we will take our $$$ and go source: indystar.com \| share:	(201)
		If you're going to call a friend to bail you out of jail, make sure you call the one who isn't drunk source: chicagotribune.com \| share:	(9)
		200 hens stolen from farm in Easter egg hunt gone awry source: pressdemocrat.com \| share:	(10)
		Don't look now, but asteroid 2014-YB35 is set to make its closest approach to Earth today. EVERYBODY PANIC source: theweathernetwork.com \| share:	(44)
		Pilot tried to break back into cockpit with an axe. No idea where he was hiding that to get it through security source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	(157)
		Massive wave of "compassionate leave" requests have hit employers this week because of: A) grief over family killed in the GermanWings crash, B) family home with the flu, or C) Zayn Malik quitting One Direction source: telegraph.co.uk \| share:	(102)
		One in twenty students make it through college the old fashioned way source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	(60)
		School to special-needs student: You may be special, but you're not special enough to wear a varsity jacket source: ksn.com \| share:	(244)
		"Whoa... Okay Mr. Crocodile, you can have my fish, there's plenty more in the sea" source: metro.co.uk \| share:	(12)
		Picture a house that just sold for 1.2 million dollars cash. Can you picture it? Good. Now click the link source: sfgate.com \| share:	(111)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop this man with sole source: i2.web.de \| share:	(24)
		"11 tips for a happy" woman's world of wonder source: huffingtonpost.com \| share:	(58)
		You can't sell snow to Eskimos, but apparently selling sand to Arabs is a thing source: wired.com \| share:	(33)
		FW: FW: FW: fw: FW: FWD: FW: IT'S HAPPENINNNNG source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	(127)
		Penis-shaped property up for grabs (mildly Not safe for work) source: news.com.au \| share:	(39)
		Colorado residents upset over pot stench from legal grow facility: "When you step outside, it's like you're stepping into a bag of weed" source: aspentimes.com \| share:	(77)
		South Miami Vice Mayor Walter Harris wants to be America's mohel source: talkingpointsmemo.com \| share:	(26)
		Spreading your seed is now illegal in many parts of this country source: treehugger.com \| share:	(118)
		Serial flasher suspect Michael Dick arrested for masturbating at Tickle Creek source: kgw.com \| share:	(16)
		Shy in the restroom? This won't help source: mirror.co.uk \| share:	(40)
		Kansas legislature sends bill to Governor Brownback that legalizes conceal carry without training or a permit source: fox4kc.com \| share:	(236)
		Giant Manta Ray flips diver. He obviously went for "Tails" source: grindtv.com \| share:	(17)
		US District judge rules some married same-sex couples not eligible for FMLA leave, depending on what state they're working in. 14th Amendment surrenders source: reuters.com \| share:	(68)
		Hundreds laid off across Canada as the CBC tries to cut costs. I'd post a CBC article but I think they're busy cleaning out their desks source: globalnews.ca \| share:	(38)
		Woman charged with assault after squirting breast milk on police officer source: upi.com \| share:	(41)
		In response to U.S. House measure encouraging shipment of U.S. weapons to Ukraine, Chechnya offers arms to Mexico to fight United States. AY CARAMBA source: upi.com \| share:	(40)
		Clearing your Internet browser's cache is enough to get you charged with obstructing an investigation. Sleep well citizens source: thedailybeast.com \| share:	(62)
		Driver causes 5 car accident while making a U-Turn... on Interstate 5 in Seattle source: katu.com \| share:	(24)

Thu March 26, 2015

	Sometimes a GIF is all you need as an official 'no comment' statement to a reporter source: metro.co.uk \| share:	(139)
	Universal installing metal detectors on roller coaster, hopefully preventing loose objects from falling out of pockets and terrorists from hijacking it and taking it to Cuba source: mynews13.com \| share:	(31)
	Monkey gets loose at University Medical Center, bites security guard. And so it begins source: wcnc.com \| share:	(43)
	Want to cheat on your taxes but hate the idea of jail time? Well Canada just might be the place for you source: cbc.ca \| share:	(19)
	How airports get their strange abbreviations. ORLY source: slate.com \| share:	(97)
	DEA agents accused of being deep under covers source: nbcnews.com \| share:	(46)
	Three years a tandoori restaurant slave source: laist.com \| share:	(56)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this good-for-nothing lazy bastard source: i1.web.de \| share:	(18)
	Bay Area woman who was reported kidnapped, then ruled a hoax, is now missing again source: laist.com \| share:	(68)
	Lawyer who worked tirelessly to defend and exonerate toxic pollution corporations sues neighbor for smoking source: salon.com \| share:	(59)
	Sex toy thief gives off bad vibes source: offthebeat.blogs.tcpalm.com \| share:	(36)
	Monsanto lobbyist "Round-up weedkiller is so safe you could drink a quart of it and be perfect fine." TV interviewer: Okay, here's a glass of it, bottoms up. Lobbyist: What are you, crazy? I'm not stupid enough to drink that crap source: rawstory.com \| share:	(248)
	WTFark, Baristas, burgers, and giant erect bull penis. (No, I didn't repeat anything in that headline.) source: ora.tv \| share:	(46)
(Some Food Nut)	Fark Food Thread: When you think of a southern classic dish to serve family and friends, what comes to mind? Show us your recipes that'll make our arteries clog up yet we still want to go actually make the food. Bonus points if it's healthy source: foodandwine.com \| share:	(184)
	A collapse in New York that doesn't involve The Mets source: nbcnewyork.com \| share:	(212)
	Macy's blames sluggish sales on 'women who don't want to get dressed up to go to Macy's' source: consumerist.com \| share:	(106)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop these lime slices source: rewalls.com \| share:	(19)
	Good news: In Florida, you're still allowed to build a gun range in your backyard source: mynews13.com \| share:	(74)
	A 24-mile-wide tornado hit Moore Oklahoma, according to NBC source: nbcnews.com \| share:	(113)
	If your commute includes I-35 north of Austin, you might want to find an alternate route home this afternoon source: statesman.com \| share:	(267)
	If you're gonna rob a bank, arriving there by taxi is not a good start. Not paying the cab fare on arrival doesn't help. And being drunk is definitely out source: tallahassee.com \| share:	(15)
	Self Proclaimed "God of the MRA's" who was removed from class for laughing at rape victims has upped his game by screaming racial epithets at fellow students source: thedailybeast.com \| share:	(614)
	Guns don't shoot people. They do sort out food fights when mom's not around, though source: mynews13.com \| share:	(87)
	WS2K3 Y2k? OMG (Sponsored link) source: blog.bit9.com \| share:	(74)
	It was the co-pilot, in the cockpit, with the joystick source: nbcnews.com \| share:	(404)
	"Sorry that the whole kidnapping thing for money is a hoax, we are cool now, right?" source: foxnews.com \| share:	(46)
	13-year-old crashes van into pole, car and front porch while fleeing police, receives honorary Florida drivers license source: wtkr.com \| share:	(21)
	'Murkan "patriot" set pipe bomb in the hopes that Muslims would be blamed source: thedailybeast.com \| share:	(154)
	Ghost hunters got the fright of their lives at a renowned haunted house when they heard clanging sounds and saw sparks flying on a winter evening - only to discover chainsaw wielding thieves cutting a drain cover off a stolen trailer source: northdevonjournal.co.uk \| share:	(19)
	"Over-familiar owl" loves to surprise people walking through field, walk on their head for about 1 minute. "It was a very funny thing to watch, however I'm just as confused as anyone as to why it does this" source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	(70)
	Man who spent two months in jail--before police discovered his shipment of 'cocaine' was actually soap--is awarded $5 an hour for his time source: upi.com \| share:	(43)
	Dear Prudence: My daughter is preparing to go to college this fall, but she's self-conscious about her small breasts. Should I pay for breast enlargement surgery so she can compete with the other girls? source: slate.com \| share:	(221)
	Having sex in front of children at a playground is not a good idea. Son, Daughter, I am disappoint source: thesmokinggun.com \| share:	(44)
	McDonald's forgot the bacon on your burger? That's a shootin' source: wzzm13.com \| share:	(83)
	Young man learns that while the FBI may not be able to thwart his attempts to join a terrorist group, his mother might source: wtop.com \| share:	(58)
	'Facebook status updates of my death were greatly exaggerated' source: cheddarvalleygazette.co.uk \| share:	(17)
	Man said he enjoyed exercising naked in the sunlight, but even an elementary school student can see he's nuts source: taunton.wickedlocal.com \| share:	(29)
	Like to live on the edge? How about paying to sleep overnight suspended on the side of a cliff? (w/video) source: bbc.com \| share:	(30)
	As an economic crisis sweeps through Russia, popular alternatives to legal alcohol are becoming liquids designed "for hair growth or for cleaning the bath" source: newser.com \| share:	(35)
	School security guard who posted about a "black thug" and suggested "all white people should start riots" to scare blacks on Facebook surprised when she's fired and is suing to get her job back source: arstechnica.com \| share:	(297)
	Speaker at Melbourne disability summit had to be carried onto stage due to lack of wheelchair access. Bonus: the venue's disabled toilets were used for storage source: abc.net.au \| share:	(46)
	Cutus interruptus source: huffingtonpost.com \| share:	(15)
	Photoshop this selfie en masse source: l.yimg.com \| share:	(19)
	University of Phoenix is running out of prospective students to scam source: money.cnn.com \| share:	(120)
	Seattle police attempt to explain why it took 9 hours to remove an overturned truck full of salmon, causing massive gridlock. Sounds fishy source: katu.com \| share:	(49)
	Chinese restaurant busts bogus yelp reviewer, backs up their version of events with video. Chinese restaurant trifecta in play source: sf.eater.com \| share:	(102)
	Stop me if you've heard this one before: Two white cops stop a black guy source: freep.com \| share:	(214)
	Man dies after ingesting five 10mg marijuana edibles, five times the recommended dosage: "It was 100 percent the drugs. It was completely because of the drugs - he had consumed so much of it" source: denver.cbslocal.com \| share:	(331)
	Maybe there is hope when a conservative senator and his liberal counterpart can agree on a way to save money by reducing the state's jailhouse population source: adn.com \| share:	(22)
	No, an asteroid ISN'T going to destroy the Earth on Friday source: mirror.co.uk \| share:	(49)
	Huge asteroid capable of wiping out entire country is on near-collision course with Earth source: mirror.co.uk \| share:	(28)
	If you're ever on the witness stand accused of bank robbery and could really use a recess, start eating your own feces and that will usually get it done source: ksby.com \| share:	(39)
	POTY candidates have their mellow harshed by buzzkill son source: wsaz.com \| share:	(22)
	Climate change has forced the world's two most destructive termites to mate. And it's happening in a state that just made it illegal to say the words "climate change" source: npr.org \| share:	(112)
	Not realizing he's gone underground, cemetery repeatedly calls dead man source: clickorlando.com \| share:	(16)
	Chinese restaurant bans African customers. Difficulty: Restaurant is in Kenya source: pri.org \| share:	(84)
	Theme of Farktography Contest No. 516: "I Like Big Balls, They're Such Big Balls" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme source: farktography.net \| share:	(26)

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