RFor anyone who hoped that Nicole (Snooki) Polizzi of “Jersey Shore” fame would someday go away — that’s not happening yet. Evidence is her new book, “Baby Bumps: From Party Girl to Proud Mama, and All the Messy Milestones Along the Way,” out Dec. 31.
Snooki gave birth to baby Lorenzo a year ago August. And while having a child has tamed her hard-partying ways somewhat, she can be as proudly gross in hardcover as she is on reality TV. For instance, she describes in noxious detail her “system for pooping” during pregnancy. A chapter is devoted to farts and it is toxic.
The good news is that the 26-year-old mother reports she has all but quit drinking since a night at a club left her breast milk polluted with alcohol.
“I could smell the sake bombs in the bottle,” she writes. “My milk was so full of alcohol, I could have used it to start a bonfire in the yard. I could have cleaned the toilet with it.”
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That night partying, when “my boobs ran like a river and the entire front of my dress was soaked,” rates prominent mention. It caused considerable friction with her fiancé and Lorenzo’s father, Jionni LaValle.
All of it was filmed for the MTV show “Snooki & JWoww,” now in its third season and co-starring fellow former “Jersey Shore” cast member Jennifer (JWoww) Farley. Since Snooki’s antics had been caught on camera, she thought she’d better confess upfront. Sort of.
Sitting next to LaValle on the sofa, she texted, “I blacked out last night and made out with Jenni.”
He texted back, “You’re a coward and a horrible mother and fiancée.” He also told her, “Pack your bags and get out.”
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Of course they made up. As Snooki lays it out, their unshakable destiny is to share life as a MILF and a DILF, someday with four kids.
Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for Extra
The pint-sized 'Jersey Shore' star has become serious abou fitness since the birth of her son.
Not that any of this was planned to begin with. LaValle was “some random guy I picked up at a club” when “Jersey Shore,” which faded away last year, was filming in Seaside Heights. Soon enough, she realized that LaValle was more than a “smush buddy,” but there were no plans to have a baby. Snooki just didn’t use birth control, she writes.
When the stick turned pink, she reports they both cried out in unison, “We’re keeping it!”
Snooki’s parents weren’t pleased. The couple adopted Snooki from Chile as an infant and are now divorced. Her father, Andy, who manages her product lines including lipstick, perfume and sunglasses, was aware “that my so-called fame had a time limit” in which to build capital.
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“To him, not struggling meant keeping my career going as long as possible,” she writes.
But ultimately, he came to respect her decision to keep the baby. Her mother, Helena, came around, too, though her concern was her daughter’s unwedded state. Snooki promises there will be a big wedding, and anyone can read between the lines on that one — it will be filmed for profit.
The rest of Snooki’s new book includes graphic descriptions of the changes in her lady parts throughout pregnancy, and an almost gleeful recap of how badly she behaved.
“Pregnancy gives you a pass to be a bitch,” she writes.
Snooki also details her post-pregnancy workouts that resulted in her new svelte self after losing 42 pounds. While competing on “Dancing With the Stars” earlier this fall she talked about suffering from anorexia in high school, which she details here.
It’s clear from these pages that Snooki truly loves baby Lorenzo and Jionni, too, as the couple prepares to move from the basement apartment in his parents’ northern New Jersey home into their dream house.
What’s also evident is that Snooki’s looking for her next act. Lorenzo likely already knows how to wave bye-bye. Snooki soon may have to learn how, too.
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