Tweets

  1. SHIT SHIT BURN IT DOWN *throws self on floor* it's all over now; we might as well not even try in 2014!

  2. I feel pretty good today... the day after some pretty good elections. Tell me again why I'm supposed to be sad? ?

  3. "Yasser died of polonium poisoning. We found the smoking gun that caused his death.”

  4. when you get to Heaven they announce how many spiders you ate in your sleep and if it's less than 200 all the angels laugh at you

  5. My mom just walked by the TV while the news was on and said, "Crack dealers are unreliable. Crack mayors probably are too." ...OK? Mom?

  6. Some people eat at Waffle House when they get drunk. Others smoke crack cocaine.

  7. New medical study suggests you should run. Run! It's too late for us. Save yourself, the report concludes.

  8. Omg. I just got a round of applause from the poll workers because it's my first time voting.

  9. lmao, I used to play this at parties I hosted. Teenage boys are so squeamish.

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