Tweets

  1. 3h

    The GOP isn't even pretending to care about governing anymore

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  2. 13h

    Inside the mind of Pope Francis

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  3. 14h

    "Which is Candian for, 'pop a cap in yo ass!'"-

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  4. 15h

    Excuse me while I eat cookies and watch the Da Vinci Code, then pass out.

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  5. 18h

    I had a girlfriend once, but forgot to feed her. So now she lives on a farm somewhere, with a more attractive man.

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  6. 4 Nov

    I'm great in bed -- just swapped out a fitted sheet while still under the top sheet and covers

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  7. 18h

    Our Halloween pumpkins, the one is supposed to be Patrick, :/

    4:11 PM - 5 Nov 13 · Details
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  8. 19h

    thanks!

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  9. 19h

    Voted for the first time!

    3:29 PM - 5 Nov 13 · Details
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  10. 5 Nov

    Who among hasn’t smoked crack or been the mayor of Toronto?

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  11. 5 Nov

    Every penis was originally a clitoris, and 9 other things you probably didn't know about male genitalia

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  12. 5 Nov

    How is it possible for a person to be as consistently late as I am?

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  13. 4 Nov

    The true, almost nightmarish beauty of Fox & Friends is the all too crystal clear mirror it holds up to its audience.

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  14. 4 Nov

    Remember that movie, "Rushmore", great movie.

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  15. 4 Nov

    57 years of Woody Allen making love condensed into four minutes--WATCH: ?

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  16. 4 Nov

    Truth: Ira Glass dances in Yoko Ono's new music video.

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  17. 4 Nov

    !! RT : This is what Earth will look like if all of the ice melts

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    10:56 AM - 4 Nov 13 · Details
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  18. 4 Nov

    I don't understand why I've never been invited to a Christmas party.

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  19. 3 Nov

    Looking into the night sky thinking, "wow, what a beautiful star." Then realizing, "shit, that's a drone."

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  20. 3 Nov

    If there is one family I hate it's the woodwinds.

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