Yesterday we learned that American students like having international students on campus. Only 10% of the American students who took our anonymous survey (a survey designed to find out what Americans really think about their international classmates) told us that they wouldn’t want more international students at their school.
» Read part 1 of this series, in which we explore what Americans had to say about international students
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But what we didn’t discuss yesterday is that this positive attitude towards international students isn’t necessarily translating into friendships.
Although 85% of American students who took our survey reported having at least one international friend, only about 50% said they have more than two international friends.
The international students in our survey had a slightly different experience. 75% said they have more than two American friends. But 10% told us they have no American friends at all.
And that may be an optimistic estimate. A recent study by Baruch College professor Elisabeth Gareis found that more than one in three international students have no close American friends.
Why the separation?
Some American students in our survey acknowledged they don’t do as much as they could to get to know international students.
“When I was a student I didn’t make an effort to get to know international students because they weren’t in my classes or in any of the organizations I was in,” said a graduate from the University of California, Berkeley.
Randy from the University of Kansas explained, “I am a natural introvert, which may have made communication between myself and other international students even more difficult.”
Whose Move: American students discuss friendships with international students
And several international students said that they feel more comfortable hanging out with other international students than with Americans.
“Most of the international students in my social environment are from Asian countries and thus they are brought up in a similar culture to me and I find it easier to communicate with them,” said one international student at Oberlin College, adding that “we are used to live our lives in a more similar way compared to Americans.”
The plot thickens
But here’s something interesting – for the most part, each group told us they are the ones trying to make friends, and it’s the other group that’s not doing enough.
80% of the Americans in our survey said either that they make an effort to get to know international students or that making friends with international students doesn’t require any special effort.
Fewer than half of their international classmates agreed.
“When they’re in their own country and there’s a minority outsider who they’ll have to put particular effort into getting to know, I think most of them just don’t bother,” said one international student at Oberlin College.
Tara from the University of Southern California said her American classmates have “no interest to know how [international] students struggle to live here.”
Americans, on the other hand, complained that international students keep to themselves and make it hard to reach out.
“At my school, international students stick together,” said Laura at the University of Central Oklahoma. “There’s always a group of two or more in my classes and they rarely try to talk to us, so we sort of just leave them alone. It’s like they don’t want to make friends with us.”
Kristin from Southern Illinois University said that “getting to know international students can be difficult – while international students are in the same classes as American students, the international students have a tendency to group together.”
“As someone who has studied abroad, I understand this tendency,” she added, “but it can still make breaking into their group of friends slightly daunting.”
» See all comments from American students
This video of a conversation between our blogger Thuy, from Vietnam, and American classmate Alex illustrates the tension over which side needs to put in more effort:
Answering the burning question
The obvious question is, if Americans and international students both think the other group isn’t putting in their fair share of the effort, who’s right?
I’m not sure we can answer that, but our survey turned up one illuminating result.
Among the 80% of Americans who told us they try to get to know international students, a whopping 42% said that making friends with foreign students doesn’t require any special effort.
International students didn’t exactly agree that extra effort isn’t required – only 19% of them had the same response.
In fact, international students seemed much more aware of the barriers created by cultural differences than their American counterparts. Many international students wrote comments about overcoming (or failing to overcome) specific differences between American and international students.
They are “more about self and less about give and take” said one international student of American students. “[We] aren’t open and outgoing like them,” said another.
» More about the cultural differences international students notice most
Americans, by contrast, often said that they make friends from among the people they encounter during their day, whoever they might be.
“They are just like other students to me,” said one Oberlin College student. “I had never really thought of them as a separate category than everyone else. They blend in so well.”
“I get to know people who are around me, regardless of whether they are national or international,” added a Princeton University student.
For Americans, perhaps, an international student is just another type of student in a sea of types of students.
So the correct question may be not who needs to put in more effort to relate to one another, but rather, how to reconcile these two views of how much effort is actually required.
Or we could all just take the zen approach of Vikram from the University of Chicago.
“Some people like making international students their friends, some don’t. Simple,” he said.
“Some might want to know international students to know more about different cultures, while some are content being ignorant. That’s fine, though. Everyone should be free to choose his/her own way in living life.”
Read the rest of this series:
Part 1: The Truth – Americans Reveal What They Really Think of International Students
Part 3: Americans are Self-Centered but Friendly
Raw comments: 60+ Opinions from American Students About Their International Classmates
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Why Aren't Americans and International Students Becoming Friends?
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15 Responses to “Why Aren’t Americans and International Students Becoming Friends?”
Thank you for posting another article about a survey and different opinions between international and americans. I watched video clips well and got have more understanding of what americans say about international students. It would have been better for me to understand if there had been interviews from international students’ side. I have been living in Australia for almost five years and I used to be a student in Adelaide which is capital of South Australia and had made few australian friends but not in class but outside of the school actually cause there was few australian in my class and simply the school was not big enough to accommodate many people because it was not a university capacity it was where you learn technical stuffs like cooking, welding and things like that. So If I go to university some day in Australia I’d hope to make more friends of Australians.
Thanks David! Actually, it’s interesting you should comment that you wanted to hear from more international students. I specifically chose to focus on Americans because we post from the perspective of international students all the time on this blog, so I wanted to get the other side. If you’re interested in hearing about how international students feel about friendships with Americans, here are a couple of things I’d suggest you look at:
- http://blogs.voanews.com/student-union/2012/04/16/american-friends-dont-criticize-and-other-thoughts-on-how-friendship-differs-in-china-and-the-us/
- http://blogs.voanews.com/student-union/2010/12/03/fit-in-with-american-classmates/
And mostly everything in our “Campus and Social Life” category, actually
Hi Jessica,
I am a visitor here and not even a Student, I am just curious. Found your blog interesting.
As a worker, I can say that what the students say in the video mirrors what happens in a worplace environment.
In today’s globilized world, we have guys coming here seeking a job from everywhere.
So, I kind of understand you guys.
Greetings from Italy.
I’m a Malaysian Chinese and i’m heading to New York in August to pursue my grad degree,
and i don’t think making friends and blending in will be a problem to me.
I did my college degree in Taiwan, and despite being the same race with Taiwanese,
most international students from other Asian countries like Malaysia and Singapore tend to stick with their own clique, which is a problem because the local students will be intimidated, at least that’s what the locals told me. To me, what International students need to do is to slightly alter their mindset, not exactly changing who you are but to be more open minded and accepting of a culture and society that is different and unique to where you are from. You learn from the good and take the one different from yours as a learning tool, or something like that.
I never had much trouble mixing with local students despite being an international student, in fact, all my closest friends (you know, those who are so close with you that their family think of you as a part of theirs, cry with you when you breakup and help you out with whatever etc) are locals.
So i guess in conclusion, i agree with what the American students’ opinions on how the International students aren’t making enough effort, because it’s a fact.
Thanks for sharing that story. Good luck in New York! Sounds like you’ll be ready to make friends when you get there
thanks for sharing this, now I have more knowledge about how to make relationship with others. Hope next year, I’m not hard to make friends with other students.
I really find your blog interesting,am an international student studying in illinois. My first experience in the united states was somewhat challenging, i had difficult time coping and interacting with the students around here, for the first time being about 5000 miles away from home,i shed tears like no other. I am a really shy, reserved person and i do find it hard trying to make friends. one thing about this is that the americans will find it hard trying to get close to you because you are really not open to them but i later realised that it takes time for them to really know you and one just has to be natural,no pretense and feeling of pride and you will find them flocking around you.
That’s great advice Lily! I hope you’ve been having a good experience in Illinois.
I just came across your blog today. I was in Graduate school in Newark,New Jersey from 2010 to 2011. Am African and i was curious about how studying in America would be. I thought i would have alot of American classmates but to my surprise all my classes were filled with students from India and China. There was hardly an American in my class and if there were any they were immigrants.
I was only able to make friends with Americans through church. It took a while because i was shy and was not actively involved but with time i met very great people. Its easier though to first make friends with people with a similar background/culture.
That’s interesting. Do you think it was something about your school/program that attracted international students more than Americans?
Follow up on my last comment, I think most Americans here are afraid of what they don’t know. They stereotype international students only by what the media has portrayed them to be and more often times are quite negative. In this regard i think many avoid and even made fun of.
When i was growing up as a American born Chinese. I was made fun of alot even though my cultural values were exactly the same as most Americans and my English was just as fluent as most of fellow Americnas. That fact that you I have an Asian face, the fact that i don’t look white was t he reason i was excluded and many times made fun of amongst my fellow Americans.
Follow up on my last comment, I think most Americans here are afraid of what they don’t know. They stereotype international students only by what the media has portrayed them to be and more often times are quite negative. In this regard i think many avoid and even made fun of.
When i was growing up as a American born Chinese. I was made fun of alot even though my cultural values were exactly the same as most Americans and my English was just as fluent as most of fellow Americnas. That fact that you I have an Asian face, the fact that i don’t look white was t he reason i was excluded and many times made fun of amongst my fellow Americans.
I think it is not the fault of ‘who’s putting in more effort’ to be friends it is the fact that most Americans are still ignorant about the world outside of the U.S. it is the fault of many Americans not being able to be accepting of others.
I think it is not the fault of ‘who’s putting in more effort’ to be friends it is the fact that most Americans are still ignorant about the world outside of the U.S. it is the fault of many Americans not being able to be accepting of others.
I am an American, and in my college, most of the students are from Asia. Many of them don’t speak English well at all so I find it very hard to communicate with them. In many of my classes, they are group projects, so I prefer to work with people who speak English because it makes it alot easier. Also, it seems to me like most of the international students stay together in groups. One of my classes, there was 4 Americans and 30 Asian international students in it. It made it really difficult for me because in one group project the Chinese students were only speaking Chinese.
I really do not think that this issue has anything to do with race, but it has to do with communication.
great article, i’m from middle east and living for six months now in the us, going to start my study in the US this month and hopefully to make friends and meeting new people so the college and university years would be more fun..
Hi, I am an adult from Europe (lived in different countries) and have been living in US for 14 years. I find the American culture to be extremely different than other cultures. In other countries people are always interested to meet a person from another culture, always try to help etc.. It is very different here, people are distant, everyone is smiling but that doesnt mean anything. Even with kids it is so hard to make friends for them.