Podcast Transcript: Brothers for Life

Date: 06/16/2008 | Time: 08:01 | Size: 7.4 MB

NCFY talks to 13-year-old Darius and his adult mentor Moses about their relationship.

NCFY: [music] Welcome to the fourth podcast by the National Clearinghouse on Families & Youth, a project supported by the Family and Youth Services Bureau of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. My name is Joe Cantlupe and I’m a writer-editor with the Clearinghouse. Today we hear from two people who have been influenced by FYSB’s Mentoring Children of Prisoners Program.

One is 13-year-old Darius, who lives with his grandfather, and the other, his mentor, Moses, who volunteers with Big Brothers and Big Sisters of the National Capital Area. I sat down with young Darius and Big Brother Moses at the organization’s offices in Lanham, Maryland. I asked them about their special relationship, the times they share and what a mentor means for both of them.

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DARIUS: I was, like, kind of nervous trying to get with a Big Brother. I always seen it on TV and things like that. I was, like, wondering what it was about. And then I was, like, talking with him, to my grandfather, and he kept, like, explaining to me what it was and things like that. Then I meet up with Mr. Moses.

MOSES: He was shy. The first time I came by the house, he was kind of shy. But after that, the first time we started hanging out actually on our own and going somewhere, he got over that really quick, really quickly.

A lot of his family has been involved with the criminal justice system. I just feel like it’s important to kind of show him another example of other people around that are on the right track. And I want to try and just continue to be living proof of that. Just because I know that in his life and in his environment, he doesn’t always see that on a daily basis.

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D: Last night I was working with my grandfather. He shampoos and vacuums and cleans people’s houses. And my grandfather, what he did to the house, it costs $125. But the lady put $150 for extra for me. She said a little something goes to me. And I hope I can put that in my bank account. Mr. Moses opened me a savings account. And I haven’t been putting money in there. But I sure would have to though. It’s pretty neat. I learned more about it.

M: My dad did that for me when we were younger, took us and we opened savings accounts. And he would take me and my brother there every week. And we’d deposit, whether it was five or ten bucks, every week. So it was kind of a routine. I think the main thing I want to do with him is raise kind of his level of expectation of himself. I want him to think, okay, it’s okay to make a C, but strive for an A. So if you fall a bit short, then you’ll still be in good shape.

D: When I grow up, I want to join the Marines or the Air Force. But first go to college.

M: We talk about it. And I asked him what he wants to be when he grows up. And he said he wants to join the military. And I said that’s a great profession, great career. My dad was in the military. But I also told him that you can also go to college and do ROTC in college. And then get out of college and serve our country and join the military. And so we haven’t really talked about, okay. Well ...

D: What you want to do.

M: What does that mean to go to college? And so we’re going to start getting into that soon.

D: I have to learn what you do in college and things like that.

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D: I know his history.

M: He does.

D: He was born in Florida, raised up in Germany. He came back to Florida to have college, to do college. And then moved into the D.C. area, joined the Big Brothers and then met up with me for the past four years. And then here we are now.

M: The first thing we did before we went to the arcade was went to the ... went to the library. Because he was asking me where Germany was. I told him I was raised there.

D: That was, like, really nice to really show me where Germany and look up something, something I really didn’t know really about. When I, like, asked him about it, things like that, I really didn’t ... I didn’t even know nothing about Germany.

M: I want to go back. So maybe one day, we’ll ...

D: Wow.

M: This is the way, this is ...

D: When I’m sixteen probably, he’ll take me.

M: You can ... when you’re working and making ... you can foot the ticket bill, yeah, we’ll go. We’ll go.

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D: What was the most favorite time that you’ve spent with me?

M: Maybe a couple of weeks into the program where, you know.  In the beginning, you kind of wonder, okay, well, do we have enough things to do? What are we going to do this week? It’s kind of ... we went bowling. We’ve gone to arcades. We’ve gone to the movies. So you kind of think what is there? So I was asking him, you know, Darius, what do you want to do? And he said, it doesn’t matter what we do as long as we can hang out together. And that kind of made me feel good, choked me up a little bit. I was like, wow. Okay. It doesn’t take planning out some big elaborate day trip. You know, he just wants to hang out and maybe play the PlayStation for a couple of hours. And to him, that means the world.

D: I, like, brag about I’ve got a Big Brother.

M: What kinds of things do you say?

D: Well, what kind of things I say about you? Nice things. Like sometimes I’m, like, I’m going with my Big Brother. Sometimes, a lot. And things like that. Ever since I was in elementary, I used to say that sometimes.

M: That’s good to hear.

D: Yeah.

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M: You know, when he’s 20 or 40, I hope to still be in contact with him, hopefully giving him advice and helping him out if he needs anything. And his grandparents and his grandfather and the rest of his family has kind of embraced me. And they’re supportive as well. So I just kind of look at it as a life partnership.

D: How was it like, your life compared to mine?

M: My life, you know, it was different but the same. You know, I grew up in Germany. So I was around a different type of environment, different folks. But I guess the thing that’s similar is that we both had parents, grandparents, that really loved us and cared about us and just tried to instill in us good values and morals and principles.

D: It feels like he really did change me more. Like my grandfather. Like he changed me. He’s also changed me also, how to do the right thing. How to stay in school, finish school, go to college and do what I want to do with my life.

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NCFY: Studies show that about two million children in the United States have at least one parent who has been incarcerated. Darius is one of these children. Having a parent in serious trouble with the law is a major disruption in these kids’ lives, economically and emotionally. But Darius is surrounded by loving adults. It is widely known that relationships with caring adults can help youths like Darius improve their well-being and help keep them on the right path. For Darius who’s a joyful young man with an infectious grin, that portends well for his future.

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