- By Leslie Fowler, AW2 Family member -
From the first day I arrived at the hospital after my husband was injured, all the staff began instructing me to take care of myself. To be honest, that was the least of my concerns. My entire focus was on my husband and his life threatening injuries. I went straight into taking care of business mode. I was his voice, his defender and most importantly his caregiver. This became my life.
Prior to his injury, I was a career woman who believed that I could have it all. I had just had a baby, and I was back at work. I never thought that I would be forced into this type of role at my age, but I was. I did not want to be anyplace else. For the first year following his injuries I was completely focused on his every need. We lived from surgery to surgery, rehab appointment to rehab appointment. As he continued to progress I realized that this was not what I wanted to do forever, nor did he want me to. I am blessed in the fact that I am married to an incredibly stubborn man. The phrase “I can’t do it” rarely entered his vocabulary. The fact that he wanted his independence helped me to discover that I wanted my old life back. Not necessarily before the injury (because that is just the hand we were dealt), but the person I was before everything changed.
That’s when I began focusing on the future. I decided to go back to school so that I could get into a career field that I knew I would love and excel at. Once I began the program, my whole outlook on the present and the future changed. I began living my life for myself, not for my spouse. This allowed our marriage to transition back to how it was before the injury; I am simply his wife, not his nurse. I still help him as he needs it, but my primary focus is no longer on just him. This has made both of us happier and our marriage stronger.
So, looking back, perhaps the hospital staff was right. I need to take care of myself in order to be any good to anyone. Taking back my life allowed our life as a family to move on into our uncertain future. We are coasting through it just as we would have before he was hurt, only now we have new strengths and levels of togetherness to pull from.