 |
| News > Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month |
|
Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month
Posted 2/13/2013 Updated 2/13/2013
Email story
Print story
by Anne Owen
5th Medical Group Family Advocacy
2/13/2013 - MINOT AIR FORCE BASE, N.D. -- I am the mother of a high school sophomore. Andrew is a wonderful son, and Chris and I are blessed to be his parents. Though he has had some dating relationships with some wonderful girls, I didn't really worry much about him and dating...until this past August. I was at a conference and attended a workshop by an amazing lady named Bobbi Sudberry. She runs an organization called Kaity's Way, which can be found at www.KaitysWay.org . It was at this conference when I learned about the story of her stepdaughter, Kaity. This is Kaity's story.
Kaitlyn (Kaity) Sudberry was a bubbly and easy going child. She was a daughter and a sister. A friend to all she met. She was a good student and a good person, an ambassador for empathy and love for others. Like most high school students, Kaity had her first experience in the realm of love with another student in her class. She and Daniel Byrd began dating in December of 2006 after several months of friendship. Both young and vivacious, like most 16 yr olds, they had a fun and carefree relationship ....for a while.
The first signs of trouble appeared in May of 2007. Daniel became rude and inconsiderate, possessive and jealous. He always wanted to know where Kaity was and who she was with. He called her and texted constantly. Around that same time, Daniel set fire to a bandana that belonged to Kaity's sister. Urging her to break up with Daniel, Kaity's parents barred him from their home. Soon after that, Kaity left her home in Arizona to spend the summer with relatives in another state.
When she arrived back home at the end of the summer, Kaity and Daniel were still a couple. However, they had numerous fights, apologies, and promises to change while she was gone. By November, Kaity was frustrated enough with the relationship to break up with Daniel. However, she ended up back with him the following week. Believing his pleading words of "needing her" and "loving her", she felt she just couldn't leave him like "that". Allegedly, he had also threatened to kill himself if she left him.
In December, a year after they began dating, Kaity broke off the relationship for good. She had enough of his controlling ways and demanding personality. She was focusing on graduation, college and dreaming of her future. The next month, in January of 2008, police were called to their high school. Daniel had assaulted Kaity at the school. Though police reports were filed, and Daniel was suspended, he was soon back in school. When he returned, he assaulted Kaity again. This time he was expelled, police reports were filed, but again, he was not arrested. Toward the end of the month, the Phoenix police called Kaity's parents to inform them they had received information that Daniel planned to kill Kaity...and himself.
Though Kaity and her parents tried, they were not able to get an order of protection at that time, as the laws in Arizona did not extend to teenagers in dating relationships (they are just kids ...how bad could it be?) Because of that, police were unable to seize Daniel's shotgun. Five short days later, Jan. 28, Kaity and Daniel were both dead at the age of 17. He found her on her way home from school. As she tried to get away over a fence into her neighbor's backyard, Daniel shot her in the head. He then shot himself.
Kaity and Daniel were high school seniors. No different than any of our high school teens here or my son, Andrew. In fact, Kaity has more of a connection to Minot than you may realize. Her father was a teen here at Minot AFB, her grandfather stationed here as an Airman. She easily could have been one of the kids who hang out in the teen lounge at the base Youth Center. Odds are one or more of the teens that spend time in our Youth Center are going through something like this or have at one time or another. One thing we need to realize is that dating violence can happen to anyone, anywhere, even on an air force base.
The signs are clear and should be a warning to anyone in a relationship:
· Does a friend or someone you are dating check your cell phone or email without permission?
· Constantly put you down?
· Act jealous or insecure?
· Have an explosive temper?
· Try to isolate you from family or friends?
· Make false accusations of cheating?
· Have excessive mood swings?
· Patrolling your Facebook or other social media sites to always know what is going on?
· Physically hurting you in any way?
· Acting possessive?
· Controlling you and telling you what to do?
If you are in a relationship with someone who exhibits any of these signs, please get help. Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year. According to the website, www.loveisrespect.org, one in three teens in the U.S. is a victim of physical, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner. One in ten high school students, and some studies show as many as one in five, has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend. Twenty five percent of female high school students have been victims of physical or sexual abuse.
Girls and young women between 16-24 years-old experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence, almost triple the national average. Violent relationships in adolescence can have serious ramifications by putting the victims at higher risk for substance abuse, eating disorders, risky sexual behavior and further domestic violence. Fifty percent of youths who have been victims of both dating violence and rape attempt suicide. This is compared to 12.5 percent of girls and 5.4 percent of boys who have not been abused.
With these statistics, perhaps you can now understand why I worry about my son. Though historically, more females are physically abused than males, emotional abuse tactics are inflicted by teens of both genders. Threats of suicide or self-harm is one of the most coercive acts that can be used in teen relationships. Without the understanding that they are not responsible for the acts of others, teens are often manipulated into thinking they are. This guilt factor is often used quite successfully to continue controlling partners in these unhealthy relationships.
If you or someone you know is involved in an abusive relationship, help and information is available from a variety of sources. The website www.loveisrespect.org has an information section with different topics to browse, online peer counseling services and safety plans available to download and fill out with your teens. They can also be found on Facebook at www.facebook.com/loveisrespect. The National Dating Abuse Helpline is available at 866-331-9474. MilitaryOneSource.com is another option in which to secure counseling services, along with your teen's primary care physician. As mentioned above, www.KaitysWay.org has a wealth of information on education, prevention, and of course, Kaity.
Talk to your teens. Find out what is going on in their lives and relationships....and help keep them safe.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
