Posts Tagged Elaine Wilson
A Thank You Letter to Our Troops
Posted by in Family Matters on November 23, 2011
By Elaine Sanchez
Nov. 23, 2011
Dear deployed service member:
Last night, I packed my suitcase for a trip to see my family. The last time you packed your bags, it was for a yearlong trip away from yours.
We’ll soon crowd into our car and head to my parents’ house at the shore. You’ll step into a Humvee and convoy through a combat zone.
Tomorrow I’ll sit down for a Thanksgiving feast at a table surrounded by my loved ones. You’ll join your battle buddies in a dining facility.
At night, I’ll lay my son down in his bed for the night. You’ll lay down your rifle to catch some sleep in between missions.
I’ll check on my children one last time before I head to bed. You’ll blow a kiss to yours through a computer screen.
This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for your service. For being among the 1 percent of Americans willing to part from your family for up to a year and put yourself in harm’s way for me and my family.
Even though you’re thousands of miles away, rest assured your sacrifices don’t go unnoticed. It’s my family’s tradition to say what we’re thankful for at our holiday dinner. This year, I’ll be sure to say how thankful I am for you.
White House Invites Military Kids to Submit Holiday Cards
Posted by in Family Matters on November 2, 2011
Nov. 2, 2011
Elaine.sanchez@dma.mil
Family Matters Blog
First Lady Michelle Obama would like to add a military flourish to the White House’s holiday decorations this year.
She’s asking military children from throughout the world to create holiday cards honoring their service member parent and to send them to the White House no later than Nov. 16, according to a Navy news article by Navy Petty Officer 1st Class Monique K. Hilley.
The White House is honoring American heroes this holiday season, the article said, and the cards will offer a fitting tribute to the nation’s military heroes.
“We are asking kids like you, from military installations around the world, to create a holiday card that represents your parent who is serving our nation,” the first lady wrote in a personal letter to military children. “I encourage you to use your imagination, and include words, pictures and drawings to create a holiday card that honors your brave mom or dad.”
The handmade cards should by 5 by 8 inches, and should include the parent’s name, branch of service and command.
Participants can mail the cards to: Reservation 1, Attn: Social Office, P.O. Box 8070, Washington, DC, 20032. And be sure to include a return address, the article said.
“Thank you for helping with this fun project, and most of all for your family’s courageous service to our nation,” the first lady wrote. “I look forward to seeing the results of your creativity!”
First Lady, Dr. Biden Take Family Support Message to World Series
Posted by in Family Matters on October 18, 2011
By Elaine Sanchez
Elaine.sanchez@dma.mil
Oct. 18, 2011
First Lady Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden, wife of Vice President Joe Biden, will attend the first game of the World Series in St. Louis tomorrow to spread their message of veteran and military family support.
Major League Baseball officials have dedicated the game, which pits the Texas Rangers against the St. Louis Cardinals, to veterans and their families, according to an MLB news release. The game will be aired live on Fox starting at 7:30 p.m. EDT.
Obama and Biden’s aim is to encourage Americans to support and honor veterans, service members and their families through initiatives such as the Joining Forces campaign and Major League Baseball’s Welcome Back Veterans program.
During the day, Obama and Biden will host a military family appreciation event at the St. Louis Veterans Center, a White House news release said. Families attending the event will get a sneak peek at the new Joining Forces and MLB public service announcement slated to premiere during the game. The PSA features the first lady as well as New York Yankees first baseman Mark Teixeira and Tampa Bay Rays outfielder Johnny Damon, both of whom come from military families.
Obama and Biden also will participate in a special pregame ceremony with veterans and military families at Busch Stadium.
Also prior to the game, the first lady and Biden will answer questions about the Joining Forces campaign submitted by MLB fans through Facebook and Twitter. People around the country can submit questions through MLB’s Facebook page or on Twitter with the hashtag #AskMichelle.
Keeping Relationships Healthy
Posted by in Family Matters on September 29, 2011
By Dr. Kate McGraw
Clinical Psychologist, Defense Centers of Excellence
Sept. 29, 2011
If you could have the ideal loving relationship, what would that look like? For some couples, it would involve a lot of time together and shared interests, and for others, it may include more space and time spent separately. There are many ways to be a loving partner, and the key is discovering what your partner needs from you, rather than what they aren’t giving to you.
Often, loving your partner means putting yourself in their place and imagining what would bring them happiness.
Military couples face incredibly challenging stressors together. Those couples who remain resilient often find themselves with stronger relationships when the dust settles. However, many of the unique stressors imposed on military couples may chip away at the fabric of safety and peace within the relationship. What can you and your partner do to help protect your relationship from the stress of military life?
Here are some ideas to enrich your relationship so it serves as a vessel of comfort for both of you:
– Ask your partner what he (or she) needs. Also, you should be able to identify what you need and how your needs can be met. If you both develop empathy for each other’s needs, than you both will be satisfied with what you can create together in your relationship.
– Eliminate all sarcasm, name calling, belittling or other types of verbal and emotional abuse, and make a pact not to tolerate displays of temper such as slamming objects or doors. These behaviors cause significant damage to the trust and safety between you and may lead to physical abuse. If you’re able to say at least five positive comments to every negative comment, your relationship will feel much more loving and supportive.
– Nurture the bond between you. One way is to foster and keep open, regular communication about the important things in your life, as well as the small daily matters.
– Develop a homecoming ritual upon your partner’s return from deployment. This ritual can serve as a line of demarcation — a dividing point from their being away at war, to being here, at peace.
– Often service members returning from deployment need a period of readjustment to their old lifestyle and familiar surroundings. They may want to talk but are unable to find words to express their experiences or feelings about what they’ve been through. They may need time to themselves, which you should respect. Nonmilitary partners also can play an important role in the relationship’s stress management by lovingly encouraging their military loved one to seek help for severe post-deployment problems.
– Service members should remember that their partners want to help and reconnect with them, and should have compassion for the stresses their partners experienced during their time away. It’s OK to share your feelings about your deployment experiences without sharing details about what you saw or did. In this way you can reconnect emotionally, lean on your partner for support, and feel less isolated while protecting them from the harsh realities of what you experienced.
Be alert for signs of traumatic brain injury or post-traumatic stress disorder. If you find yourself unable to cope, talk to your partner about it and seek professional help. If you have suicidal thoughts, always seek professional help, as you may be experiencing depression, which resolves with proper treatment.
In the end, our relationships reflect the amount of energy and devotion we put into them. If you give your relationship the gifts of compassion and empathy, regardless of what the external world heaps upon you, you will reap the rewards of contentment and love within your relationship.
Are you familiar with some of the risk factors for suicide, which include relationship issues? Find out more about suicide prevention information and resources on the DCoE website.
(This post was reprinted from the Defense Centers of Excellence Blog.)
Reality Show Features First Lady, Veteran
Posted by in Family Matters on September 23, 2011
By Elaine Sanchez
Elaine.sanchez@dma.mil
Sept. 23, 2011
First Lady Michelle Obama greets Navy veteran Barbara Marshall on the set of the ABC reality series "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" in Fayetteville, N.C., July 21, 2011. Obama appeared on the show to thank Marshall for her work to support homeless female veterans. DOD photo by Elaine Sanchez
Several months ago, I traveled to Fayetteville, N.C., to watch hundreds of volunteers build a Navy veteran a new home, courtesy of the ABC reality show, “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.” (Read about my trip here.)
This weekend, Barbara Marshall’s new home will be revealed on the show’s season premiere, which airs Sept. 25 at 7 p.m. EDT. The episode highlights Marshall’s quest to eradicate homelessness among fellow female veterans and features service members of every branch.
First Lady Michelle Obama, a staunch military family advocate, also makes a special appearance to impress the importance of military family support – both during service and well beyond.
Marshall’s new 5,000-squre-foot home, dubbed the Steps-n-Stages Jubilee House, offers shelter, job coaching and other services and resources to homeless female veterans from all eras of war, including the most recent wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
I had the opportunity to interview the first lady July 21 after she toured Marshall’s new home. Obama lauded Marshall — whom she called a “strong and courageous woman” — and her mission to end homelessness among female veterans.
“It’s a powerful story of how veterans are continuing to serve this country even when they are no longer in uniform,” she said. “The fact that this woman has opened her home – [although] she didn’t have much — to other women who are struggling, is just a powerful statement of the courage and the strength that our veterans show.”
Like Marshall, the nation must take steps to eradicate veteran homelessness, the first lady said.
Service members “put their lives on the line for us, and they do it without question or hesitation,” Obama said. “When they are finished with their service, they should have a level of security and stability, not just for themselves but for their families.
“We as a nation,” she added, “should be outraged by the reality that there are any homeless veterans in this country.”
Earlier this year, the first lady and Dr. Jill Biden, wife of Vice President Joe Biden, launched the Joining Forces campaign, a national initiative that calls on all sectors of society to support troops, veterans and their families. The motto of this campaign, she noted, is “everyone can do something.”
“Whether a business owner or multinational organization or small nonprofit or church or school or neighbor down the street,” she said, “everyone can find their own strength and gift and figure out how to share that with these families.
“If we all do that, we will end this challenge of having homeless veterans.”
The first lady cited “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” as an example of people stepping up in a “huge, magnificent way.”
Obama encouraged people to watch the show this weekend. “Make sure your kids watch it,” she said. “Tell them about this issue and then think about what you can do as a family. It doesn’t have to be big; it doesn’t have to be grand. It just has to be something.”
With this episode wrapped up, the producers of “Extreme Makeover” once again are seeking military families to feature this season. People can submit nominations via email to Jackie Topacio, casting producer, at jax@emhe.tv, through Sept. 29. The email should include the names and ages of household members, a description of the family’s challenges, an explanation of why the family is deserving of a makeover or is a positive role model in the community, photos of the family and their home and contact numbers. For more information on the application process, visit http://abc.go.com/primetime/xtremehome/index?pn=apply.
Blogger Learns to Deal With Kids’ Fears
Posted by in Family Matters on September 19, 2011
By Elaine Sanchez
Elaine.sanchez@dma.mil
Sept. 19, 2011
My husband called me down to our laundry room the other night to show me water damage from the recent deluge of rain. Between the earthquake, hurricane and ongoing downpours, I would have been surprised if we had walked away from it all damage-free.
But while I was concerned about our waterlogged wall and the potentially hefty repair costs, I was relieved the damage could be easily fixed.
I wish I could say the same about my son.
The combined weather events recently not only spurred floods and extensive home damage across the Northeast, they also triggered a deep-seated fear of natural disasters in my 8-year-old son.
It started with the Aug. 23 earthquake. The power went out at school, and he came home that day crying and shaking with anxiety. I tried to soothe his fears, and my pep talk seemed to help for a while — until he heard about the impending hurricane. He began to complain constantly of stomachaches and begged me to let him stay home from school.
His mood lifted when the sun came out, but he still obsessively checks the weather to see if a thunderstorm or heavy rain is in the forecast.
Desperate for answers, I spoke to the school counselor, his teacher, and brought him in to the doctor three times. It could be allergies or a virus, she said at each appointment, but we both suspected that anxiety was behind his chronic pain.
She suggested we contact a psychologist to help him work through his fears, and that’s what I plan to do.
Meanwhile, I turned to the Web for some answers and learned that childhood anxiety and fear are much more common than I thought.
According to Kidshealth.org, anxiety and fears are normal and necessary. Dealing with anxieties can help prepare kids to handle the challenging situations of life. However, ongoing anxiety can affect a child’s sense of well-being, the site explained.
Common childhood fears are fear of strangers, heights, darkness, animals, blood, insects and being left alone. Kids also can develop a fear of a specific object or situation after an unpleasant experience, such as a dog bite or an accident, the site said.
Children from military families may have those fears along with a set that’s unique to their circumstances. According to the National Center for Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, researchers have found that children with parents who are deployed to war tend to worry more. They may feel their world is less safe and predictable, the site said, or fear that a deployed parent or other loved one may be injured or die.
Kidshealth.org cited the typical signs of anxiety, which sounded very familiar to me after dealing with my son. They include becoming clingy, impulsive or distracted; nervous movements, such as twitches; sleep issues; sweaty hands; accelerated heart rate and breathing; nausea; headaches; and stomachache.
In some kids, anxieties can elevate to phobias, which are fears that are extreme, severe and persistent. Parents should look for patterns, the site recommended, If it’s an isolated incident, don’t overplay it. But if it’s persistent and pervasive, parents should contact their doctor or a mental-health professional.
The site also offers some tips to help parents deal with their kids’ fears, including:
– Don’t trivialize the fear. Encourage kids to talk about it, which can help take some of the power out of the negative feelings;
– Never belittle the fear. For example, don’t say, “Don’t be ridiculous. There are no monsters in your closet.” It won’t make the fear go away;
– Don’t cater to fears. If your child is afraid of dogs, don’t avoid them deliberately, which can reinforce the fear. But be supportive as you approach the feared object or situation; and
– Teach coping strategies. Try relaxation techniques such as visualization — floating on a cloud or lying on a beach — and deep breathing, such as imagining the lungs are balloons and letting them slowly deflate.
I hope, with some help from a professional and these tips, that I can allay my son’s fears. Some things aren’t as easy to fix as a wall, but I’m hoping with time and support, the damage can be undone.
(Note: Military families seeking help can contact their primary care physician, a mental health specialist or call a Military OneSource consultant at 1-800-342-9647.)
‘Extreme Makeover’ Seeks Military Families
Posted by in Family Matters on September 15, 2011
By Elaine Sanchez
Elaine.sanchez@dma.mil
Sept. 15, 2011
Barbara Marshall and her family received a new, 5,000-square-foot home July 21, 2011, courtesy of the ABC reality series "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition." DOD photo by Elaine Sanchez
Several months ago, the producers of ABC’s “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” asked me to spread the news about their search for people involved in the military to feature on the show’s upcoming season.
They got a huge response and selected an exceptional Navy veteran for a home makeover. A few months ago, I traveled to Fayetteville, N.C., to watch hundreds of volunteers build Barbara Marshall a new 5,000-square-foot home. The three-story home, dubbed the Jubilee House, serves as a shelter and resource center for homeless female veterans.
This episode — which also features a special visit by First Lady Michelle Obama -– will kick off the show’s ninth season Sept. 25.
With that episode ready to air, the show’s producers once again are seeking people involved with the military to feature in upcoming episodes.
The producers are looking for people with “amazing strength of character and who put their own needs aside to help others,” they said in a news release. “Whether it’s a soldier, a mom, a teacher or a fireman, we think deserving families are families who inspire those around them.”
Additionally, the show’s producers are seeking families whose houses need major alterations or repair – “homes that present serious problems for the family and affect the family’s quality of life.”
To be eligible, families must own their single-family home and be able to demonstrate how a makeover will make a difference in their lives.
Rather than apply through the normal channels, interested military families or people who wish to nominate a military family can email a short description of the family’s story directly to Jackie Topacio, casting producer, at jax@emhe.tv. Jackie told me she wants to make sure she personally reads every story submitted.
Please don’t wait to apply; the deadline for nominations is Sept. 29.
The email should include the names and ages of household members, a description of the family’s challenges, an explanation of why the family is deserving of a makeover or is a positive role model in the community, photos of the family and their home, and contact numbers.
For more information on the application process, visit http://abc.go.com/primetime/xtremehome/index?pn=apply.
Please pass this information on to deserving military families. I hope to see a few on “Extreme Makeover” this season.
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Wounded Warrior to Star in Reality Show
Posted by in Family Matters on September 12, 2011
By Elaine Sanchez
Elaine.sanchez@dma.mil
Sept. 12, 2011
Army veteran J.R. Martinez will appear on this season of "Dancing with the Stars." Courtesy photo
A few weeks ago, I was browsing the Web, filling my insatiable appetite for pop culture trivia, when I saw a familiar face among the new cast of ABC’s “Dancing with the Stars.”
Among a line of reality and pop stars was Army veteran J.R. Martinez, a wounded warrior turned motivational speaker and actor. I smiled as I recalled meeting the former soldier three years ago.
At the time, I was the post newspaper editor at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio and had volunteered to write about a special camp for military teens whose parents were wounded or deployed.
The camp took place at the middle school, and when I arrived, the teens already had split into small groups to share their stories. One table in particular caught my eye. A group of 16- and 17-year-olds was intently listening to a wounded warrior as he shared his wartime experiences.
I approached the table, camera in hand, and first noticed his face was heavily scarred. But after a few seconds, I saw only a young man with a ready smile, at ease with the teens around him. He laughed and joked with them as he talked about his experiences and shared his message of resilience and hope, qualities he had acquired in spades several years ago.
In March 2003, Martinez was less than a month into his deployment when the Humvee he was driving struck a landmine. Three soldiers were thrown from the burning vehicle, but Martinez was trapped inside. He suffered severe burns to more than 40 percent of his body.
He spent 34 months in recovery at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio, and underwent 33 surgeries.
While in recovery, Martinez began to share his story with other burn patients, which eventually led him to become a highly sought-after motivational speaker. He now travels the country, spreading a message of resilience and optimism. He also pursued an acting career, and plays a combat veteran on ABC’s “All My Children.”
That day in San Antonio, Martinez shared his story with me and his desire to help others. He hoped the teens would be able to relate to him, he said, and gain inspiration from his story.
I met many wounded warriors in my time at Fort Sam, but Martinez left a lasting impression. He could have withdrawn after such a terrible tragedy. But instead, he has stepped into the spotlight with an indelible message of hope.
I’m excited about his upcoming appearance on the new season of “Dancing with the Stars.” While people may tune in to see the sambas and cha chas, I hope they also are reminded of the immense sacrifices our service members are making each day, and their astonishing ability to soar even after the greatest adversity.
Blogger Recalls 9/11
Posted by in Family Matters on September 9, 2011
By Elaine Sanchez
Elaine.sanchez@dma.mil
Sept. 8, 2011
I was sifting through my crowded closet the other day to see what I could part with when I saw my old Air Force uniform hanging in the back, untouched since I separated about six years ago.
The memories of my time in service came flooding back. And I recalled when I left the military, only to return in the wake of 9/11.
Ten years ago, I was in the process of separating from the Air Force after my initial four-year enlistment. I had just started a new civilian job as a writer at the district court in San Antonio while using up the last of my military leave.
The day started out like so many others. I was a few months pregnant with my first-born and munching on crackers to deal with my usual bout of morning sickness when one of my co-workers came racing over to tell me about a plane striking the World Trade Center. We chalked it up to an unfortunate incident, but not one of major significance.
As the news reports rolled in, we realized it was something much more. It was shocking — first New York, then the Pentagon and finally, the downed plane in Shanksville, Pa.
The city soon shut down its government offices, and I rushed home to my husband, who had just had corrective eye surgery and was recovering at home.
I sat and watched the news for hours, and a feeling of anguish washed over me as the death toll rose. The final tally was nearly 3,000 military and civilian lives lost and countless others directly affected by that loss.
But then a sense of anger set in at the audacity of these terrorists who dared to breach our soil and kill so many innocent Americans. I felt a need to do something, anything to help. And without a shadow of a doubt, I knew what I had to do.
A few days later, I stood outside my boss’ door with butterflies in my stomach as I waited for him to invite me in. I told him I felt bad about it, but I had to quit. “I’m going back into the Air Force,” I said decisively.
I waited for a lecture about giving notice, or a hint of disapproval at my decision to re-enter at such an ominous time. But there was not a moment’s hesitation in his response.
“I’m proud of you, Elaine,” he said.
He told me to stay in touch and sent me on my way. The next week, I was back in my Air Force uniform serving my nation. I remember feeling so grateful for his support – a support echoed by many other Americans in the aftermath of 9/11.
I stayed in for another enlistment and then separated to become a Defense Department civilian. Even though I no longer wear the uniform, I still feel proud that I can support our service members and their families in some capacity.
When I saw that old uniform in my closet, I was thankful I never parted with it. It serves as a reminder to me of the men and women who volunteer to serve even while we’re a nation at war. When asked, they leave their family and friends behind to ensure an attack like this never occurs again. I’ve met service members who have deployed six, eight or even 10 times for their nation.
This weekend, the 10th anniversary of 9/11, I will think of these young men and women and I’ll think about their families, who also make tremendous sacrifices for our nation. And I’ll be thankful that I chose the path I did, and that I had a chance to serve in the aftermath of 9/11 alongside so many others.
I think I’ll move that uniform to the front of my closet tonight.
Explaining 9/11 to My Daughter
Posted by in Family Matters on September 7, 2011
By Elaine Sanchez
Elaine.sanchez@dma.mil
Sept. 7, 2011
With the 10th anniversary of 9/11 just a few days away, I asked my 9-year-old daughter last night if she understood the significance of the day.
“I remember hearing about that in school,” she told me.
To my daughter, the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, are just another chapter in a history book or a lesson to learn in school. She was born post-9/11, and has grown up knowing only a nation with a heightened sense of security — and a nation at war in distant lands.
But I’m grateful her childhood isn’t punctuated by the horrific events of that day; that she doesn’t, like most Americans, recall where she was when the news broke of the attacks. And that she didn’t watch the news unfold of the nearly 3,000 lives lost in the Pentagon and in New York and Pennsylvania.
Still, I want her to understand the enormity of that day and the sacrifices our nation’s service members and their families make each day to ensure it doesn’t happen again. And I figured she’d be better able to understand it from the eyes of a child.
So I told her about a college student I spoke to recently who was 9 years old, my daughter’s age, when the attacks occurred.
Zachary Laychak is pictured here with his father, David Laychak, who died in the 9/11 terrorist attack on the Pentagon. Laychak is now a 19-year-old college student. Courtesy photo
Zach Laychak, I explained to her, had returned home from school 10 years ago to a house full of family and friends. There had been a fire at the Pentagon, they told him, but Zach shrugged off concerns that anything had happened to his strong, athletic father.
A few days later, two men came to his door with the news: Zach’s father, David Laychak, was among the 184 people killed when American Airlines Flight 77 struck the Pentagon. His mother sat him and his 7-year-old sister down and told them their father wouldn’t be returning home.
“I couldn’t understand what would make someone want to do this to my dad,” Zach said. “I was just angry, so mad.”
Zach struggled to comprehend the loss of his father and best friend who always made time to coach one of his sports teams or who would rush home after work to toss a ball in the yard.
Over time, I explained to my daughter, Zach’s anger evolved into a deep sense of patriotism — born of resentment against those who dared to attack his nation and his family. He felt proud, I explained, that Americans had stepped up to defend their nation.
He also shifted his focus to helping others. He became heavily involved with the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, an organization for military families of the fallen, as well as Tuesday’s Children, an organization that provides support for children of 9/11 and others impacted by global terrorism.
On the 10th anniversary of 9/11, Zach said he’ll remember his father with love and pride. “As terrible as this whole situation was, I know he was a very patriotic person and that he died serving his country,” he said. “That’s a way he would have been proud to go.”
I then told my daughter that I, too, felt a deep sense of patriotism. Although I was separated from the Air Force at the time, I quit my job and re-entered the military two days after the attacks.
I finished my speech and gave my daughter a hug. She didn’t say much, but I’m hoping some of what I said sunk in. Although 9/11 will always be a chapter in a book to her, I hope, like Zach and her Mom, she’ll grow up with a deep appreciation for her nation and its service members.