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Being deployment ready
Posted 2/2/2013 Updated 2/2/2013
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Commentary by Tech. Sgt. Timothy Schweppe
386th Expeditionary Maintenance Squadron
2/2/2013 - SOUTHWEST ASIA -- Since the US adopted an all-volunteer military force in 1973 the demographic makeup of the military has shown a steady increase in the proportion of married service members versus single members. Today military family members outnumber the active duty by nearly 40 percent. This shift in demographics has compounded the challenges of service members on several fronts but most noticeably during deployments. During the deployment process, service members and families transition through three stages: pre-deployment, deployment, and post deployment. Recognizing these stages enables service members and families to better cope with challenges and difficulties.
The Pre-deployment stage begins with the announcement of deployment and ends when the service member physically leaves. It is generally characterized by a fluctuation between denial and anticipation of loss. Tips for proactive ways families can prepare for an upcoming separation include: agreeing on a plan for communicating with the deployed service member, making a plan for being alone, starting to build a support system, and sharing feelings/concerns about the upcoming deployment. It is important for couples and families to remember to spend time together before the deployment without the distraction of "to do lists." It is also important for children to have individual time with a deploying parent in the days leading up to a deployment.
The deployment stage occurs while the service member is deployed away from home. It begins with the service member's departure and lasts until the service member returns home. As this stage begins, family members must learn to adjust to new responsibilities and routines. Then as the deployment progresses they often find themselves developing resiliency and increased confidence. The last month of the deployment is often marked by excitement and intense anticipation of the service member's return home. Ways of coping during this stage include: strengthening the support system, keeping busy and staying active, and making plans to break up the time. Children need consistency and routine, as well as individual attention from the non-deployed parent. It is also important, however, that newly "single" parents have alone time without their children in order to recharge. As the homecoming nears, it is important for spouses to discuss plans and expectations about what the reunion will look like in order to avoid potential hurt feelings and disappointment.
The post-deployment stage begins with the service member's arrival home and can last for 3-6 months. It is common for spouses to experience myriad emotions during this time, including apprehension, excitement, worry, exhaustion, and uncertainty. It is important to remember that the process of reintegration may take several weeks or months. Both spouses have experienced changes while separated, and they both may feel unneeded or unwanted. The key to successfully negotiating this stage is open communication. It is also important to avoid playing "one-up" games, as no one ever winds up a winner in the "who had it worse" competition - the experience of deployment is difficult for both partners in different ways. It often takes time to negotiate new roles and routines and it is important for families to be patient, to take things slowly, and to not try to force quick changes. It is also not uncommon for children to test limits when a deployed parent returns; consistency and limit setting with children during this time of change will help them negotiate this transition smoothly.
In each stage of the deployment there are transitions for service members and their families. Stress and challenges have been incurred by the service member and the family. Patience and understanding are key factors in the reintegration of family life. If help is needed, it can be obtained on base. One thing to keep in mind is that you are not alone in this journey.
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