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[High Praise! to Stupid Is a Five Letter Word]

MORE GUN CONTROL = PROBLEM SOLVED. (And if the problem isn’t solved, we promise to eliminate every last freedom until it is. You have our word.)

A Clemson University study shows that people will actually swerve to squash turtles trying to cross the road.

Maybe the little guys would be safer hitching a ride with that chicken everyone’s always asking about.

[High Praise! to The Right Planet]

[High Praise! to The Right Planet]

A Real Plan for Recovery…

[Think you have a link that's IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Drinking Game: Drink every day that I don’t take down my Christmas lights because I’m too drunk.

— MJ (@sucittaM) January 3, 2013

BREAKING: Jennifer Granholm leaving Current TV. BREAKING: Jennifer Granholm was at Current TV. BREAKING: Jennifer Granholm was on TV.

— STU BURGUIERE (@StuOnTheBlaze) January 3, 2013

Your mouth says no but your eyes say yes but your dreads say bulk quinoa is in aisle 3.

— Scott Simpson (@scottsimpson) January 3, 2013

Yeah… seems that although the petition to begin construction on an American Death Star by 2016 is some 8000 signatures over the response threshold, the petition is NOT one of the ones that’s received an official response.

I want an Independent Counsel and congressional hearings on this NOW!

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “The only thing Republicans didn’t give Obama in the fiscal cliff deal…”

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

I really liked The Dark Knight Rises, but this video makes a lot of good points:

And the Batman voice just always undermined any seriousness any of the Dark Knight movies attempted.

There is also an Everything Wrong with Prometheus video, but that’s four minutes. Seems liked you’d need even more time.

“A video game doesn’t make a kid violent. It makes him fat and docile.”

–Ezra Dulis

[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

John Hawkins has his list of the 20 most annoying liberals of 2012. Still, as conservatives, I think we have to work harder on not getting annoyed. The left are basically trolls trying to break our calm, and we can’t let them have that little victory. While they’re going on about their nonsense politics, we still have jobs and family and bacon to contend with and can’t be wasting our time being irritated by their silliness. In 2013, we need to work harder at just shaking our heads and saying, “Oh, you silly liberals,” and just moving on. And we’ll do that in 2014 and 2015 as well. But in 2016, I will be elected president and all the irritation and anger we saved up will be unleashed as we tear down all this government they value so much. While we laugh and laugh, they will cry and weep — at least at the few liberals we keep around for amusement and didn’t deport to Antarctica.

Frank J. 2016: Keep Calm and Plot Revenge

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The weirdest pork item in the fiscal cliff bill…

I noted another advantage of the 2nd Amendment (other than that it protects our right to have awesome guns): It’s a heat sink that absorbs much of the ire of people who want to go after individual rights. Like look at this nutty nut going on about how we need to get rid of the 2nd Amendment (don’t actually read it; it’s kind of pointless). Now someone has to be completely divorced from their fellow Americans to even propose this, but that’s not the point. The point is that these left-wing fascists are so stuck on going after the right of self-defense that they have no time or momentum left to go after any of our other rights. And there are certainly left-wingers who want to go after other individual rights like speech (like this talk of banning “hate speech” on Twitter) and you know the left wants to take on freedom of religion since it gets in the way of free birth control for underprivileged Ivy League law students. But the left will never get too organized taking on those rights when the extremely scary guns are still out there. Instead, they will periodically focus their ire on the 2nd Amendment. But we Americans have gotten pretty good at defending those rights and the gun control proponents can never seem to sustain an attack for very long anymore (their momentum has already broken after the Newtown tragedy).

So the left keep most of their fascist ire directed towards guns (which can take it) and never get much momentum elsewhere. So is another way guns protect our rights — not by firing a shot but simple by existing. Yay guns.

[Source: Lisa Benson - GoComics]

Thanks for live tweeting the Speaker of the House vote. That was very exciting.

Boehner can be grandfathered in, but we need a new rule that any Speaker who cries has to immediately resign.

The left get much angrier about black conservatives than they do about white conservatives because they’re racists.

God doesn’t like to get involved in politics or the earth would have opened up and swallowed D.C. by now.

I’ve always had trouble typing “unsigned.” It always comes out as “unisgned” for some reason. That comes up quite a bit when programming in C. Maybe I should file for disability.

I have always been fascinated by robots. I’d laugh at the silly robots from some of the early science fiction films I saw on TV, although I loved the Class M-3 Model B9, General Utility Non-Theorizing Environmental Control Robot from Lost In Space.

I never thought of the Tin Woodsman from The Wizard of Oz as a robot, but I suppose he was. Maybe not. The chick in Metropolis was definitely a robot, though she didn’t look like it for most of the film.

The robots in a lot of Isaac Asimov’s stories and novels were always lots of fun to read about.

I even liked Johnny Five from Short Circuit — though the robot was cooler than the movie.

Of course, I had a Rock’Em Sock’Em Robots game when I was a kid.

I’m not sure what fascinated me about robots. Was it their near-human appearance that was both frightening and fascinating? Was it the idea that a robot could do work I didn’t want to do? Like Rosie from The Jetsons?

Not consciously, but maybe, in the back of my mind, that was there.

There has been an advancement in robotics. No, they haven’t turned a Roomba into Rosie just yet. They’ve made a robot that can vomit.

Seriously.

They’re studying how the spray can pass along viruses or something else just as disgusting.

That’s a pretty specialized use for a vomiting robot. But, it still has applications beyond the laboratory. If I had one, I’d have it sit in front of the TV and watch Obama, and then vomit in disgust, so I wouldn’t have to.

China’s government tightened Internet controls by passing a law that requires users to register their names.

They should probably just eliminate the middleman and put free wi-fi in their gulags.

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “Overheard at the White House New Years Eve party…”

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

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