uPick

My sister has had a lot of boyfriends over the years. Every single one of them was dirt. Except one. He was a nice guy, he treated her right. And she dumped him because he was too boring. She preferred being around her drug-addicted ex (who has a restraining order) than with a good guy. And she wonders why she isn't happy.

My boyfriend and I were taking a shower one day after work, and I was telling him about my day. He told me to be quiet because "his roommates might hear me." We got into his room, and I pointed out he shares a wall with one of his roommates, and they can totally hear us having sex. That, apparently he wants them to hear.

I am a graphic designer right out of college, I specialize in large format stuff, ya know, banners and billboards. Anyway i got this one client who has chewed me out at least 5 times because when i send him a pdf proof he yells at me saying that his printer on his desk cannot print large format. He has never clicked the "fit to page" button when he tells it to print (ya know the... Read More » one that's been there since the invention of the printer). I tried to tell this guy, and it's like talking to a brick wall. One time he was so frustrated that his wife called me to chew me out. This guy owns the company.

Today I realized how good are girls at holding secrets... in groups of about 40.

I work in a drugstore. One day this guy in his twenties comes in, picks up some normal male condoms, and comes to the counter. He said, "Don't worry, these are for my girlfriend."

I work in a sneaker store. This huge fat guy comes in with huge feet at least size 12. He then points out different sneakers and asks for them all in size 7, and proceeds to try them all on. Try explaining 50 brand new shoes with squashed heels and torn laces to your boss.

I work as technical support for a satellite company and I got a call from a customer reporting that the top part of the images on her television did not fit the screen. So as I am giving her instructions on how to change the video ratio but she yells, I think I got it. After a brief pause, I replied what did you do? She replies that she put books underneith the televisions set... Read More » to see if she can see the top part of the image but it did not work. It just made the television highter. I wonder why that trick didn't work??? LoL

My grandparents complained at how late the Alabama-Notre Dame football game was going to go (they're in bed by 9:30). My grandfather also complained that since the game was going to be so late, the morning newspaper wasn't going to have the score. The guy designed aircraft and spy satellites during the Cold War, but can't think to look up a score on the Internet!

My grandmother asked me if 'top boys' had opened in town. After a few minutes of my confused question asking I got "you know, top boys, the restaurant next to chipoltay" Turns out she was talking about Five Guys

A few days ago I was playing Rock Band with my family. My mom was playing guitar, and she was constantly failing because she couldn't hit any notes. We tried to figure out what she was doing wrong, and then we explained to her again how to play. She responded, "Wait, you have to strum too????"