The man who looks like Sam Merlotte after a 10-day meth binge no longer has the key to the attic that Daddy Spears locks Brit Brit in every night, because their engagement is over. Damn you, blind items, for being right sometimes. TMZ, People and Radar all say that when Brit Brit wakes up tomorrow morning with the AM farts, like she does every morning, she won't be able to dutch oven Jason Trawick, because he won't be there. That's the saddest part of all.

TMZ says that Jason's paws have also been ripped off of Brit Brit's checking account, because he's no longer one of her conservators. Brit Brit's lawyers were in court this afternoon to get a judge to make Daddy Spears the sole conservator. I don't even know if Jason is an agent anymore, but Brit Brit recently moved away from his agency to another. Some source says that it was a "friendly" breakup and they're going to stay friends. Radar says that Jason has already moved all of his shit out of Casa de Frapp. Daddy Spears wrote a statement, grabbed Brit Brit's hand, made her sign it and then released it to People:

"Jason and I have decided to call off our engagement. I'll always adore him and we will remain great friends."

And Jason said:

"As this chapter ends for us a new one begins. I love and cherish her and her boys and we will be close forever."

So Brit Brit is single and might be heading to Las Vegas to move her lips and barely wave her arms in a sit down show. I really hope that Brit Brit goes to Vegas and I really hope that Daddy Spears chooses the current adonis of Vegas, Carrot Top, as her next leased fiance. Because Carrot Top will definitely appreciate her deconstructed Cheeto earrings (that's what's on her ears, right?) and I really need to see pictures of her nibbling on his mop after mistaking his hair for curly fries.

And here's the "self-potato" of 2013.

Mensa is still scouting Wheel of Fortune tapings for future members, because nothing attracts geniuses like Wheel of Fortune does. But in all fairness to my spirit animal Natasha Holly, I would've said "I Have The Wine" too, because I'll always have the wine. And I really hope "I Have The Wine" becomes a movie starring Joaquin Phoenix.

Source: Warming Glow via Buzzfeed

TMZ somehow got a hold of (SPOILER ALERT: The marketing team behind The Canyons gave it to them) audio of Lindsay Lohan cursing out her co-star James Deen during rehearsals for The Canyons and it pretty much co-signs The New York Times Magazine story about her being a pus-filled zit on everyone's ass cheek. In the clip, the director Paul Schrader is trying to direct rehearsals, but then Lindsay Lohan butts her bitch ass in and scratches at James Deen by telling him that she knows this is "just fun" for him, but that he needs to "do his fucking job." You can't tell from the audio, but James takes off his pants and puts a box full of condoms on his dick, because he thought LiLo was telling him to do his fucking job. You know, the porn one.

Lilo continues to play the part of the Pot by telling James all the things that directors have told her when they were sick of her shit. TMZ asked James Deen about the clip and he defended LiLo by saying that it wasn't that serious. James actually told LiLo he was just there for fun and he says she was acting like an ass dust-covered cunt, because they had a little fight earlier:

“Hours before the rant she asked why I was doing this movie and I said 'For fun.' I meant for personal experience and enjoyment of working on a Bret Easton Ellis movie. I don’t think she understood my intention behind saying 'for fun' and thought it meant that I wasn’t going to try."

Deen thinks Lohan took his explanation as a shot at her craft -- which was definitely not his intention.

When asked if he was upset at the time of the incident -- Deen told us, "Not at all. You didn’t hear me laughing on that clip?"

LiLo sounds like a condescending, wrinkly skin bag of self-entitlement and she's a come-to-life nightmare, but this doesn't even come close to topping Christian Bale's legendary "we're fucking done professionally" rant. This is pretty tame for LiLo. She never broke a bottle over James' head and she never ran over him in the parking lot with her rented Porsche. That crackie is growing up.

And James was so calm through that whole mess. Probably because he's worked with bigger twats than LiLo.

If Buffalo Bill finished that female skin mask, it would probably look a lot like Courtney Stodden in these pictures - Hollywood Tuna 

Lily Allen popped out another daughter and gave her the name of a spinster from the old west - Lainey Gossip 

Megan Fox's thoughts are too profound and important for Twitter - The Superficial 

Andrew Rannells is a gold star gay and I'm barely a tattered bronze star gay - Towleroad

Mimi only eats purple things three days a week (insert Barney cum joke here) - Celebitchy

They used all the Photoshop on Stephanie Seymour's face - Drunken Stepfather 

Beyonce and Destiny's red-headed stepchildren will perform at the Super Bowl - The Berry 

How did Vanessa Hudgens not getting arrested for disturbing eyeballs by wearing those UGGs? - Popoholic

Jennifer Lawrence and the boy from About a Boy broke up - Just Jared

This story is way more interesting if you read the headline as "FIGHT FOR THE PUBES!" - I'm Not Obsessed

This list of the best failed TV shows of the 80s is nothing without The Charmings - The Awl

Is the Kelly & Sharon Osbourne vs. Lady CaCa feud going to end with Ozzy biting CaCa's head off on stage? - ICYDK

Jason Trainwreck wrote a really nice resignation letter for Brit Brit - Popsugar

What was the most exciting thing to happen to Andy Warhol? - Kelly Green Blog

The only thing better than Ryan Gosling handing out free Girl Scout Cookies is Ryan Gosling handing out free Girl Scout Cookies while all the way nekkid - The Frisky 

I'll have four slices of both, please - Jezebel

Remembering the TRL Tour (gone too soon) - Buzzfeed

Not pictured: The team of CalTrans workers who have to fix the pot holes that Wonky McValtrex creates every time she steps - Celebslam

via The Chive

One of my favorite movies from last year was The Queen of Versailles, a documentary about how the financial crisis almost killed the making of the biggest, tackiest and gaudiest private mansion in America. The documentary follows David Siegel, the CEO of the timeshare company Westgate Resorts, and his extremely elegant, gold digging trophy wife Jackie Siegel as they try to build their Florida (of course) dream home, a 90,000 square foot palace modeled after the Palace of Versailles in France. When the recession hit, they had to stop construction of it (they have since started up again) and Jackie had to go on a budget. That gold-leafed mess was nominated for Best Documentary (it lost) at the Critics' Choice Awards, so Jackie Siegel showed up to last night's show with the movie's director Lauren Greenfield.

As soon as the all-natural Queen of Versailles sashayed into the room, Anne Hathaway, Amanda Seyfried and Jennifer Lawrence were already sitting, but they stood up and sat back down again, because the true queen of the night was there. Who else could make a diamond tiara look like something from Party City made out of foil and glue? Who else could make a $10,000 couture grown look like something found on the floor of a dressing room in a stripper store on 6th Street? Who else in that room had chichis like two raw egg yolks? I hope everybody in the room brought a tablet to take notes, because they need to learn from Jackie Siegel. This is how you do award show glamour.

Here's more pictures from last night's show, but why bother? The only pictures you should on are the ones with THE QUEEN (no, I'm not talking about B. Coop) in them! In order: THE QUEEN, Ben Affleck, Emily Blunt with John Krasinski, Jessica Chastain, Bradley Cooper, Marion Cotillard, Elle Fanning, Jennifer Lawrence, Eva Longoria, the Texas T-Rex, Amanda Seyfried, Octavia Spencer and Quvenzhané Wallis.

While accepting the award for Best Singing While Ugly Crying in a Movie at the Critics' Choice Awards last night, Anne Hathaway (or as my mom calls her, "Anne Haddaway," which always makes me think of this) let a trick know that she's not happy that they spelled her name wrong. In the nominees video package that played before Eddie Redmayne announced that she won, Anne's name was spelled as "Ann." Ann grabbed the trophy and set a bitch right:

"This is a bittersweet moment for me because I have this award, but you spelled my name wrong. It is with an "e." It's probably in bad taste for me to point that out here, but um... I'm sorry I don't mean to be gauche."

You might think that AnnE was just joking, but AnnE wasn't joking. As soon as she left the Critics' Choice Awards, she found herself a voodoo witch to cast a black magic spell on the not-knowing dumb whore who screwed her name up. They will never forget the "e" ever again. Every time they sit on the toilet to do a #2, they're going to shit out e-shaped poops. Every time they spit, they're going to spit up e-shaped saliva drops. Every time they pour Cheerios into their cereal bowl, they're going to pour out e-shaped CheeriEs. Every time they turn on the TV, the only channel that will come up will be E! Every time their weed man shows up for a delivery, he'll open up his bag and say, "Sorry, the only thing I've got right now is E." They'll never escape the "e."

And on a different note, I finally saw Les Misercryingandsinging. The little boy who played Gavroche should be getting all of the awards instead of Ann "Don't Forget The E, Bitch" Hathaway. He did the best impersonation of Kingston Rossdale I've ever seen.

"Sorry to disappoint. But no baby on the way here" is what 25-year-old Evan Rachel Wood tweeted back in November after the paparazzi took pictures (see below) of her looking like a fetus just moved it and all of its things into her uterus. But a fetus was squatting in her womb at the time and apparently Evan Rachel Wood didn't know it. ERW said on Twitter (via People) today that she and her husband Jamie Bell will have a human ball of slobber in their arms in a few months.

Remember when i said, "No baby on the way here" Well, I didnt know there actually was! pic.twitter.com/wnig1nRK Thanks for all your warm wishes. We are very happy. I'm gonna be a mama!

That baby is going to the biggest hipster baby who ever hipstere'd. They will name it Quadrophenia Kale Wood Bell and its cries will sound like a Melody's Echo Chamber song and it will wear floral culottes, ironically.

I know Evan Rachel Wood is married to Billy Elliot and is now knocked up, but I still look at her name and instantly think to myself, "Gurrrl, you fucked Marilyn Manson."

It's been about eight months since Henry Cavill broke up with his drunk-driving, horse-abusing (allegedly!) fiancee and sadly during that eight months he didn't rebound into your bed. He rebounded into Gina Carano's bed instead. Henry and Gina officially came out as a couple at last night's Critics' Choice Awards in Santa Monica, CA and he also officially came out as a user of Sun-In, because THAT HAIR.

Gina, who was nominated for Best Actress in an Action Movie for Haywire, and Henry have been bumping hard nips since September. That's what E! says anyway. There's a rumor that they first met on the set of the Man of Steel, because Gina shot a cameo as a Wonder Woman. I'll wait to raise my "PIMP MAMA KRIS WAS ROBBED" picket sign until this news is confirmed as true.

Henry and Gina make sense to me, because he supposedly got it on with Jillian Michaels back in the day, so he obviously loves a woman who can crack his hip bones with her thigh muscles of solid steel while riding him. And no to Gina's fug dress, but yes to the "Superman Is doing the Superman on me. Jealous?" face she's making.

Starting at around the 4:09 mark in the clip above, Krishnan Guru-Murthy of Britain's Channel 4 News starts asking Quentin Tarantino about the link between violence in movies and violence in real life. That question has been to QT's ears dozens of times before and it's pissed him off dozens of times before and this time was no exception. Krishnan asked QT why he doesn't believe there's a connection between loving fake violence in movies and loving real violence in real life, and he was not having any of it. QT tried to shut him down by saying, "Don't ask me a question like that. I'm not biting. I'm refusing your question. I'm not your slave and you're not my master. You can't make me dance to your tune. I'm not your monkey. I refuse." Eeeesh. Bitch got dramatic like that. I'm surprised QT didn't jump out of his chair, put his finger in Krishnan's face and say, "All my life I had to fight....."

Krishnan wouldn't back down and he kept pressing the question on QT and QT kept pushing the question away. QT let Krishnan know that the interview was a commercial for his movie and to Google him, you dumb fuck (copyright: Nay Nay Semel), to get the answer to the violence question, because he's answered it a million times before. QT went off like this:

"I don't want [to answer that]. I'm here to sell my movie. This is a commercial for the movie. Make no mistake. [...] I don't want to talk about what you want to talk about. I don't want to talk about the implications of violence. The reason I don't want to talk about it? Because I've said everything I have to say about it. If anyone cares what I have to say about it, they can Google me. They can look for 20 years what I have to say. I haven't changed my opinion one iota."

At one point, QT shouts, "I'm shutting your butt down!" Personally, I think QT went too far with that line. QT should watch what he says, because that line hits too close to homo home for some. How would he like it if every time he had a rectal exam at the clinic, he heard that line from his free clinic physician AND the CDC. Nobody wants their butt shut down. That's like shutting down a party early.

Krishnan and QT went at it for a while before moving on to the next question and going on with the interview like professionals. But Krishnan went about it the wrong way. You have to sweeten QT up if you want him to answer some serious questions. Krishnan should've slowly took off his leather oxford loafers, sensually stripped off his socks one by one, squirted the Jergens on his toes and let QT go to QT's favorite place: Foot Town. QT would've been putty in his feet and would've answered any question Krishnan asked. Yes, QT would've had to excuse himself a couple of times, but at least Krishnan would've gotten answers to his questions.