Those Twelve Days Of Christmas...

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me... the following delivery dispatch note.

Secret Santa Enterprises, Inc.
North Pole Science Park

Dear Madam,

Thank you very much for your order, received 25 December 2012. Our Dispatches Department has had a few problems in fulfilling your requirements, and it is with regret that I have to inform you that the items you requested cannot be sent at this time.

Item: Partridge/Pear Tree Combo (1) The partridge is a ground-nesting bird, and has refused to consider arboreal transportation of any kind. It is also not the correct time of year to uproot pear trees, which are very susceptible to frost.

Item: Turtle Doves (1 pair) We did have one pair of turtle doves. Unfortunately there was a slight misunderstanding in the Cookery Department (Cook was very tipsy after a few pre-prandial sherries, and she's reading Alice in Wonderland at the moment!), and the turtle doves were mistakenly converted into a mock-turtle-dove soup. You will, I am sure, be comforted to know that the soup was excellent.

Item: Hens, French (3) The delivery of this item has been delayed by a dispute by lorry drivers at Calais. I can assure you that you would not have enjoyed this item, as the eggs generally smell of garlic and onions, with a certain je ne sais quoi sometimes identified as Galoises and felt berets.

Item: Birds, Calling (4) There was a slight misunderstanding here when the Chief Packer misread the delivery schedule, and attempted to send four call girls... fortunately the error was detected in time. As soon as the birds have been trained to use the latest in Nokia handsets, we will be sending them along to you.

Item: Rings, 24 Carat (5) Unfortunately, our stock of rings has been sorely depleted due to the depredations of a certain individual, last seen riding a white horse in the vicinity of Banbury Cross. She was described as a "fine lady," but, actually, must be a bit of a Chav to wear rings on all of her fingers...

Item: Geese, a-laying (6) Not much chance with this item either. Geese have proved very popular this Christmas (must be a new recipe out by Delia) and you won't be able to get your paws on one, a-laying or otherwise, for love nor money.

Item: Swans, Swimming (7) Madam, I do believe that you are, as they say, "extracting the urine." Swans are the property of the Crown, and while I might have been able to find one on the QT, seven is pushing your luck. Added to which is the problem of transportation. I mean, have you considered the size of one of those blighters? Some of them have a wingspan of six feet, and how, exactly, you were expecting us to be able to find a water tank large enough to accommodate all of them without drawing down the wrath of the animal rights lobby for cruel and inhumane transportation of live swans totally escapes me.

Item: Maids, Milking (8) Due to the latest edict of the Department of Agriculture, Food and Fisheries (or whatever they're calling themselves this week) movement of livestock and all unnecessary movement of farm workers has been banned. Milkmaids are farm workers according to EU directive 21478/07. Blame blue tongue and foot-in-mouth disease... well, wouldn't you have a blue tongue if you put your foot in your mouth? I suppose it might be red tongue if you changed the colour of your socks...

Item: Dancing Ladies (9) I'm afraid that we're right out of dancing ladies as well. King Herod put in a bulk order back in June (he got the taste for that sort of thing after his niece did a demo) and stocks have not been replenished.

Item: Lords, Leaping (10) Don't hold your breath. From what I've seen on the Parliamentary Channel, you'd be lucky to get a couple of the old codgers to attend anything, and they'd be pretty moribund. Not inclined to leap. Sleep, yes. Leaping is definitely a no-go area. The insurance wouldn't cover it. Health and Safety. Someone might have a heart attack.

Item: Pipers (11) Have you taken complete leave of your senses, woman?? Have you ever actually heard anyone play the bagpipes?? It's the most ghastly din imaginable... and then to request eleven of the wretched things. No, please believe me, I have your best interests at heart when I say that this item has been discontinued.

Item: Drummers (12) Well, we could possibly dig up Phil Collins, and that chap from Queen... but twelve might be a bit difficult. Maybe you'd prefer a nice tambourine...
Once again, sincere apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused. We look forward to receiving your order next year.

Yours faithfully,
S. Claus.
Packaging & Delivery Section.

Yes, I'm afraid I rehashed this from 2007, but since I thought it was amusing, I decided to post it again!

Blackfen's Liturgy Committee Meeting...

Bet you didn't realise that there was a "Liturgy Committee" at Blackfen!

Actually, it's only for the Extraordinary Form Masses, and all that we do is work out when we want the visiting schola or the parish choir (other than Sundays), and which Mass setting would be appropriate. Extra fixtures, such as the Quarant'Ore have to be checked against cricket fixtures and beer festivals. Pretty simple, really.

So that's 2013 sorted.

The Clarion Call...

The British Province of the Confraternity of Catholic Clergy has published a briefing paper on same-sex "marriage" which some people might find useful. It covers some of the most common questions we face on the issue, such as "Isn’t the Church just discriminating against gay people?"

The paper also makes it clear that:

"The Church calls on every Catholic, in conscience, to a clear and emphatic opposition to such proposals, [supporting SSM] and a refusal of any formal co-operation should such laws be passed."

Tuesday Tweeting...

The inimitable Fr. Z has suggested that all faithful Catholics who have Twitter accounts should coordinate their tweets to @Pontifex so that we get a trend going (and have a chance of the message actually getting through.)

So, the proposed tweet for Tuesday 1 Jan 2013 is simply @Pontifex Holy Father, I prayed for you today. Happy New Year of the Lord 2013!

Go for it, tweeps!

Happy New Year !

May the Year of Our Lord 2013

bring all my blog readers every blessing and happiness!

Just Another Day...

Sunday doesn't count as "the Lord's Day" because some Christians are happy to work on Sundays.

Well, then, how about you can't say stealing is unacceptable behaviour for humans, because there are rather a few people out there who are happy to steal things from others?

Oh, right. Not quite the same.

Fine. How about noting that some Muslims are happy to work on Fridays, but Friday is still understood as being special for observant Muslims? Or noting that the same applies to observant Jews and Saturdays?

And let's ignore the fact that "Christians" is a rather broad term with regard to the requirements of religious observance...

It might be worth pointing out, however, that when Sunday trading was being introduced, we were assured - nay, promised - that no-one who didn't want to work on Sunday would be forced to do so.

Small wonder that Government "promises" and "assurances" are actually considered to be worth somewhat less than the paper upon which they are written...

I'm with Annie Elizabeth on this one.

One By One...

Archbishop Bernard Longley has become the latest Catholic Bishop to speak out on the issue of same-sex "marriage." He has sent a Pastoral Letter to be read out at all Masses in the Archdiocese of Birmingham for the Feast of the Holy Family. Unfortunately, the letter isn't yet up on the website, so there are only a few snippets in a report by the Daily Telegraph.

I am very encouraged by the fact that, one by one, the Bishops of England & Wales are realising that they cannot remain silent on the issue of the redefinition of marriage. And it is a redefinition - it has absolutely nothing to do with equal rights and discrimination. Civil partnerships provide every legal "equality" that could be asked for... which then begs the question, why?

Why the urgency to push this legislation through, when it wasn't in any Party manifesto? Why are all the possible contenders for Tory party leadership (should Mr. Cameron be rejected) suddenly in favour of the legislation? Why is the success of this legislation so critical that the use of the Parliament Act is being flagged up to dissuade any House of Lords rebellion?

Why is it happening now? And, given that there appears to be support from the leaders of most of the political parties, who, exactly, is pushing for this?

Christmas Toys...

After Rosary & Benediction on Thursday evening, an altar server couldn't resist showing one of his Christmas presents to His Hermeneuticalness...

And, needless to say, "Fr. Gadget" couldn't resist trying it out...

A Missed Opportunity...

Yesterday was the Feast of St. John the Evangelist. Chatting to Annie Elizabeth today, I discovered that we had both missed the opportunity to get our wine supplies blessed. The chaps at Papa Stronsay were much better-prepared, and arranged for the blessing to take place in the refectory...

As Annie Elizabeth pointed out - next year we will bring a whole car boot-full... each...

Midnight Mass At Blackfen...

We were truly blessed to be able to have a Solemn High Mass at midnight on Christmas Eve. The sacristy team had worked tirelessly to decorate the church, and the senior altar servers (particularly Zephyrinus and Matthaeus) had helped to arrange and light candles... I managed to take a few photos before everything started...

The carols started at 11:20pm - with Leutgeb making the whole musical director thing look effortless. The night was truly magical, the sermon moved me to tears, and the Senior MC had arranged mulled wine and mince pies for all the helpers. Unfortunately I was driving, and so had to forego the mulled wine but I was allowed to imbibe the aroma for about three seconds (all that the MC would allow, as he wanted to drink it!)

You can see a few more of the photos over at my Flickr page (yes, I managed to rescue them after all!)

Christmas Capers...

After Midnight Mass, two of the altar servers were very keen to demonstrate how they had managed to sneak their decorated socks past the (usually) eagle-eyed Senior MC.

To be fair, I think that the aforementioned Senior MC had his hands full with the four clerics he was shepherding through the intricacies of Solemn High Mass...

In any case, I think that the two servers were trumped in the sock department by a younger member of the congregation who had what looked like a dog attached to his socks...

Uh-Oh...!

In this technological age, it is very easy to forget the basics. Like the inconvenient fact that things take time to transfer from one machine to another...

I used to take photos on my mobile or camera, then I'd upload them onto my computer using a USB cable. I would convert them to smaller versions for the blog using Photoshop Elements, and save this as a separate folder. I'd often save them on Picasa too. Then I would upload selected photos to Flickr. Time-consuming. But I always had several copies of my photos...

Now, my mobile phone automatically copies my photos onto Dropbox. I then upload copies from Dropbox onto Flickr... Sometimes I will also upload them to my own computer. In theory, everything should be much, much easier...

Unfortunately, I am a very "organised" sort of person. I hate having lots and lots of shortcuts on my desktop. I like folders. Lots and lots of folders. All neatly labelled and arranged. The mobile phone's way of just adding more and more photos to the camera is annoying. I like to group my photos.

So, overnight my mobile uploaded the photos I took during Midnight Mass to Dropbox. And this evening I tried to move all the photos into a folder on Dropbox prior to copying the folder to Flickr. And then, having moved the photos, I proceeded to delete them from my phone...

Only the photos didn't actually appear to have been moved... oops.

I think I deleted them too quickly. Or something like that. Fortunately Dropbox appears to have some sort of experience with klutzy behaviour. I discovered a "restore" button on the website (though not on the downloaded version) so its not quite the catastrophe I first feared...

A Happy Christmas...

Prayers and best wishes to all my blog readers for a happy and holy Christmas...

Photos from Midnight Mass will be posted in due course!

A Christmas Present...

Deo gratias! The Ordinariate of Our Lady of Walsingham has finally been given a church! The parish of The Most Precious Blood, Borough, is to be cared for by Fr. Pearson of the Ordinariate.

I have to say that I'm surprised it has taken so long for the Ordinariate to be given a church... in America, the Ordinariate were given a base almost before they'd been formed. I'm also surprised that the Ordinariate haven't been given a church in Westminster... but, hey, Southwark seems to be a little more organised.

I've been to the church in Borough - about 15 years ago. It's very close to London Bridge, so isn't as horrendous a location as it sounds (I mean, who has heard of "Borough"??) and I'm sure that the Ordinariate will be able to do great things there.

UPDATE:  It seems as if the parish hasn't actually been "given" to the Ordinariate, but has just been entrusted to their care. This is really unbelievable - the Ordinariate ought to be given their own church to serve as a base for Monsignor Newton as the Ordinary. The Bishops of England & Wales need to be much more supportive, as they have been encouraged to by the words and example of the Holy Father.

Gaudete !

Yes, slightly late... but the last week and a bit before Christmas is just manic. Anyway, better late than never - you can see a few photos from the Solemn High Mass and a photo from the Carol Service over at the Flickr page.

A Plea From The Heart...

James Preece has pointed out that there is a general rule of thumb when It comes to blog comments. 90% of readers are "lurkers" who show up on stats but never, ever comment. Then there are the 9% who occasionally comment when really exercised about a topic. And the remaining 1% of readers are responsible for the greater proportion of comments... and this can make comments seem very argumentative and inward-looking, because the regular commenters get to know each other...

I don't have very many spats in the combox - my commenters tend to address specific points in the posts rather than having a go at each other. Nevertheless, I can sympathise with James' view: the lurkers are extremely welcome, but just occasionally it is nice to have some sort of a response from a few more of one's readers... so do go over and comment if you have a minute!

Gender Differences...

My car had to go in for its MOT today.

My heart sank when the chap at the garage invited me over to the office to see the paperwork. He was very sweet, and started to go through the list of all the bits and pieces which needed to be addressed. He seemed really keen to explain it all. In detail.

After three items were mentioned, I decided that I could bear it no more. I had to stop him in mid flow. I'm female. And blonde. "Can it be fixed?"

The poor man looked at me as if I were mad. "Oh yes, of course we can fix it..."

Gentlemen, it is a car. A box on wheels. I need it to start, go forward (and back when provoked) and stop. I need to know where the petrol goes... and (I suppose) the oil and water. Anything else is superfluous...

And if you don't believe me, then allow me to explain the intricacies of shopping for clothes...

Advent On The Bandwagon...

Psy has turned out to be a rather unlikely YouTube sensation with his odd dance moves and "Gangnam Style." I'm a bit wary of the video - but the tune is catchy. Someone had the interesting notion of using part of the soundtrack on this video about the meaning of Advent (and Christmas too!)

Twitch of the mantilla to Kate at Australia Incognita... and to Xt3 who made the video, and also a really snazzy interactive Advent Calendar.

A Small Victory...?

It's not much, but it seems that a federal appeals court reinstated two of the top legal challenges to the HHS mandate (more commonly referred to as "Obamacare".) This mandate requires religious employers to pay for drugs that may cause abortions.

The court also ordered the Obama administration to report back every 60 days until it carries out its promise to issue a new rule that protects employers' religious freedom. The Obama administration now has to rewrite the HHS mandate by March 2013.

It would appear that the Americans trust their Government about as much as we Brits trust ours... in other words, about as far as one can throw them with both hands tied behind their backs...

A Little Night Music...

"O Holy Night" is one of my favourite Christmas songs - so it was with a little trepidation that I heard that ooberfuse had done a cover version. I needn't have worried: it sounds really lovely...

I haven't heard how the dance session for the video for World Youth Day 2013 went. I'll post on it as soon as I hear more...

And Now For The Cardinal...

I'm delighted to see that Cardinal Murphy-O'Connor has also decided that enough is enough, and has written a scathing letter to the Prime Minister, published in the Daily Telegraph.

I don't actually think Mr. Cameron will pay any attention: his arrogance in deciding to push the legislation through has been simply breathtaking. However, what is vitally important is that the hierarchy actually stands up to defend Church teaching in moral matters.

Deo gratias, they have started to get their act together... Pray that our bishops may continue to speak out.

Sermon Snippet...

We are extremely lucky at Blackfen - with a Seminary Professor of Sacramental Theology for a Parish Priest, the Sunday sermon is never made up of trite platitudes. Of course, sometimes a point or two from the sermon hits home more than at other times...

Today there was plenty to think about, but one bit really did stop me in my tracks.

Our Lord chose to be born into a human family. Things were arranged so that Joseph was there as Jesus' foster-father, so that Jesus grew up within a family.

Think about it.