Is Congress Ready for a 12-Step Program?

File photo By Tom Williams/CQ Roll Call

Rep. Ted Poe thinks the legislative branch is ripe for an intervention.

“Congress is addicted to spending money,” the Texas Republican said on the floor amid the mayhem that was New Year’s/Avert The Cliff Day. “Maybe Congress should join Spending Anonymous.”

Since Poe is a king of the one-minute speech, we at HOH thought he might be exaggerating. But it turns out there is in fact a Spenders Anonymous.

Spenders Anonymous is similar to “Shopaholics Anonymous,” just  perhaps a bit more appealing to hardline conservative like Poe. After all, Spenders Anonymous encourages abstinence, at least on spending.

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Measure Extends Pet Owners a Helping Paw

One of the final bills sent to President Barack Obama in 2012 gives a new meaning to the old saying about how legislative dogs and cats tend to fill up the end-of-the-year congressional agenda.

The bill, which the House cleared the afternoon of New Year’s Eve on a voice vote, will give a break to ordinary folks who keep ordinary animals  at home (felines and canines, yes; chimpanzees and tigers, no) but for whatever reason get their pets into TV commercials or movies or otherwise placed temporarily in the public eye.

No longer will they be subject to regulations under a 1996 law that govern animals used for commercial purposes — including minimum standards for their handling, housing and feeding. The Agriculture Department will ultimately get to decide who is the owner of an accidental pet extra and who is the owner of Lassie; advocates of the bill also note that it will exempt from the USDA rules the legions of politicians who use their pets as props in their campaign ads.

“There are many examples across the government of regulatory overreach. While I regret we have not been able to address all those in the 112th Congress, certainly this is one we can agree needs fixing,”  said the bill’s sponsor, Rep. Rick Crawford, R-Ark.

McCaskill Urges Action on Debt — Her Own

There was something a little different, more personal perhaps, about the latest hyperventilating email subject line.

At HOH, we are accustomed to receiving messages from political actors of all stripes. And as the country lurches slowly toward the fiscal cliff, the old HOH inbox has gotten a workout. But the latest from “Claire McCaskill” on Monday morning piqued our interest with its “This can’t wait until tomorrow” subject line.

What could it be that couldn’t wait? A deal on marginal tax rates? A grand bargain that cuts entitlements and raises taxes on the wealthy? A settlement on raising the debt ceiling so the financial markets don’t freak out? Which one of these important things can’t wait until “tomorrow”?

Actually, as it turns out, “this” refers not to the nation’s debt but the Missouri Democrat’s campaign debt, racked up as she won a second term last month by beating GOP Rep. Todd Akin.

“Friend, Before you head out tonight for your New Year’s Eve festivities, can you take this last opportunity in 2012 to show your support? … Can you help us pay back our campaign’s investment in victory before tonight’s crucial midnight deadline? Click here to contribute $5 toward our $25,000 grassroots fundraising goal before midnight and the end of 2012,” the missive reads. “As the clock ticks closer to 2013, so too does the Federal Election Commission’s financial deadline,” it continues.

Paying down the debt. It’s not just a national problem.

Overheard on the Hill

“The kingdom of God is upon us. Repent.”

—  A protester screaming in the Senate visitors’ gallery on Friday afternoon.

The Capitol Hill Starbucks, a Portrait in ‘Come Together’

The Starbucks “Come Together” campaign has attracted national headlines. And the scene at the Capitol Hill Starbucks at 3rd Street and Pennsylvania Avenue Southeast suggests that, if nothing else, baristas are coming together on their handwriting.

On Thursday, after one barista handed over a paper cup with the words “come together” scribbled on the sleeve, the other baristas started chattering excitedly.

(Courtesy Neda Semnani)

“Look at that,” one barista, a polite, older man said, proudly pointing at the cup.

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Starbucks Hopes ‘Come Together’ Campaign Catches on With Capitol Hill

Starbucks has started a companywide “Come Together” campaign to urge Washington’s lawmakers to put aside partisan bickering and “fix the debt.” The campaign began across the company on Christmas Day.

Starbucks on Capitol Hill on Pennsylvania Ave. SE. (File Photo By Bill Clark/Roll Call)

However, according to the manager of the Starbucks on Capitol Hill, which is frequented by members and staffers aplenty, very few people have noticed the campaign.

“Once the media blitz begins, I think that will change,” he said. He also referred us to the Starbucks media hotline if we had more questions. Full story

Some Republicans Think the NRA Has Jumped the Shark

The immediate reaction from Republican staffers on Capitol Hill suggests the National Rifle Association might have jumped the shark Friday.

After Wayne LaPierre, the executive vice president of the NRA, blamed mass school shootings on “gun-free school zones,” suggested there should be a national mental health registry, blamed the media’s coverage of violence, pointed fingers at video games and old films and introduced the “National School Shield Program,” wherein the NRA would train armed school personnel and volunteers, it was just too much for some Republicans.

“100 percent true,” one GOP staffer said when asked if the NRA had jumped the shark Friday.

“True,” replied another. “But only after they set themselves on fire first. That was BRUTAL.”

A GOP lobbyist simply snarked: “If you don’t have something smart to say, don’t say anything at all.” Full story

A Movie the NRA Would Love

Now that the National Rifle Association has unveiled its carefully thought-out plan to have armed volunteers, including retired military, police and parents keeping order in America’s schools, HOH got to thinking: We think we’ve seen this movie before.

And we had! Who could forget the 1996 Tom Berenger vehicle “The Substitute,” the story of Shale (Berenger), a no-nonsense mercenary who decides to clean up a Miami school where his girlfriend works that is overrun by gangs.

Shale starts off with tough love — disarming kids of their ice picks and the like — and graduates to flat-out hot lead discipline, utilizing a commando’s arsenal to take out the gangland baddies lead by future J-Lo ex-husband Marc Anthony.

“The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun,” NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre said at Friday’s news conference. That’s exactly what the bad guys in “The Substitute” find out!

And while he said violent movies are really what’s to blame — among other things that didn’t include firearms — HOH can’t help but think “The Substitute,” as well as its sequel, The Substitute 2: School’s Out, starting Treat Williams —  is a movie the NRA would love.

Overheard on the Hill

“Although there is sadness, there is no regret.”

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, regarding the life, and death, of Sen. Daniel K. Inouye at Friday’s memorial service at the National Cathedral

All the World’s a Stage

James-Collier, who was in town last week to plug the upcoming season of “Downton Abbey,” thinks his character would be a perfect politician for today. (Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images)

Ben Affleck isn’t the only actor who could play the role of politician.

The star of “Argo” is the subject of chatter about whether he might run for a Senate seat in Massachusetts if Sen. John Kerry is tapped to be secretary of State. Affleck was on Capitol Hill on Wednesday, testifying about the Congo, hanging out with Kerry and looking like he could fit in.

But other stars recently in Washington could see themselves here in what would be the role of a lifetime.

Rob James-Collier, who was in town last week to plug the upcoming season of “Downton Abbey” with his co-stars, thinks his character, the villainous footman Thomas Barrow, would be the perfect politician for today’s troubled times.
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Seek and Enjoy

The hungriest and most homesick among you have already been petitioning HOH food sleuth Warren Rojas to track down in Washington the delights you grew up on.

We’ve been tasked with sniffing out treats from deep in the heart of Texas (on it!) and have gotten an earful from those praying for more/better/even-somewhat-authentic barbecue options. (You’re preaching to the choir.)

Still, we want more.

Whether you can’t live another day without sinking your teeth into Memphis-style dry-rub ribs or yearn to feel the sting of a New Mexico-style chile relleno, Rojas is ready to track down those regional delicacies that elude you.

Put him on the case by nominating your most sorely missed meal(s) in an email to
gastrohunt@cqrollcall.com.

Let Them Eat Fruitcake!

Blumenauer, left, brought homemade fruitcakes to the Speaker’s Lobby as gifts for his fellow House members on Thursday. California Democratic Rep. George Miller was one lucky recipient. (Courtesy Rep. Earl Blumenauer)

While Speaker John A. Boehner was trying to get the House to swallow his version of a tax bill that many of his colleagues found unappealing, another member brought his own version of a notoriously unappealing holiday treat for his co-workers.

Rep. Earl Blumenauer, D-Ore., brought homemade fruitcakes to the Speaker’s Lobby as gifts to his fellow House members on Thursday, an annual tradition.
Full story

It’s the End of the World as She Knows It

We realize the holidays make some people unnaturally nostalgic and even a little weepy. But the woefully depressing post-Hill career primer passed around at Wednesday’s House Chiefs of Staff Alumni Association holiday party had us reaching for the Prozac.

The memo, drafted by a former staffer who, by her own admission, spent 26 years tending to one member’s every need, opens positively enough with the subject line “Survival tips.”

Things quickly go south from there.
Full story

Vice Box Mystery Masterminded by Cowards

Midmorning Thursday, a package arrived addressed to the female portion of the Heard on the Hill team.

By early evening, this same reporter discovered the package was the brain child of cowards.

(Courtesy Neda Semnani)

Inside the anonymously-delivered holiday package was an assortment of treasures, including a 24-ounce can of malt liquor, a pack of cigarettes, a tin of chewing tobacco, a pack of Magnum condoms, some porn, an energy drink and, of course, a chocolate bar.

In lieu of a card, whoever sent the package included a “Santa’s Naughty List,” which listed several of the members of Congress who received donations from the National Association of Convenience Stores’ political action committee. This bipartisan group of “anti-swipe fee” legislators were called out by name on the flier. On another slip of paper, which also included pictures of a sexy magazine, dip, malt liquor and synthetic bath salts, was the NACS CEO holding a giant energy drink. It also included the group’s telephone number.

“This year get all your stocking stuffers at a convenience store,” trumpeted the flier. “Say ‘Thanks’ & ‘Happy Holidays’ to the National Association of Convenience Stores.”

Our sinful gift-giver, however, did not sign the adult care package. Full story

Dear XXX, You Are So Special!

We get it. It’s busy and getting closer to Christmas. Still, we were amused when we received a breathless email with the subject line “hey … press event on chained CPI at 12:45 pm?” that included what we think will become one of our new aliases:

“Hey XXX — I know its last minute, but wanted to check … you guys going to make it to the House Triangle at 12:45 (in 30 mins) to see Progressives taking on the Chained CPI?  See advisory below for details.

“Let me know if you think you’ll be there… either way, we’ll make sure you get our react.”

Nothing says you care more than addressing us as “XXX.”