October 01, 2009

From the Archives: Report on Blackout 2003

[This essay originally appeared in the Stamford Times newspaper in the fall of 2003, about the August blackout. It has never appeared online until now.]

Long Day’s Journey into Another Long Day’s Journey: Blackout 2003
For 24 hours, no hearts were broken in New York City

Thursday, August 14, was progressing nicely. I got an excellent year-end review, raising hopes for continuing employment and (be still my heart) a bonus and a raise. I was looking forward to my vacation the next week.

In retrospect, signs abounded that Something Was About To Happen. Just before 3 pm, I pondered my American Express bill. Should I pay it online Thursday, or Friday, when I got my direct deposit? Did it matter? Which would hit my checking account first (given the perilous state of my finances, such timing is a major concern). I could wait, I could act, I could wait until later in the day. Finally, with the madcap abandon that so often marks my actions, I decided to pay on Thursday and at 3:01 pm I pushed the button to send American Express its latest cup of blood. Done.

Mrs. Ex-Wallach called me around 4:10 pm. She had driven our son and a friend to the Science Museum in Queens, a good summer vacation activity. We were chatting when the lights in my office suddenly died. My computer stayed on via battery power but everything else just stopped. The room stayed light because of sunlight from nearby windows. “Gee,” I said, “The power just went out.” In a matter of seconds I realized Mrs. Ex-Wallach had vanished, remaining only as a cellphone number frozen on the display of my office phone.

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Van | 10:31 PM | 10/01/09 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: Life and how to live it

September 22, 2009

Revenge: Jewish Fantasies, Russian Realities

Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds, following on Defiance, voices the Jewish musing on revenge against Nazis during and after World War II. Defiance was based on reality; Basterds was a fantasy (which I may see on video, but not at a theater).

I've wondered what would have happened had the atomic bomb been available a year earlier; would Roosevelt have dropped it on Berlin, or Dresden, or Hamburg and brought the war to an earlier end? What would Germany have done? Japan?

After the war, Jews sought justice in various ways, and bagged the biggest fish with the trial of Adolf Eichmann in Jerusalem in 1961.

But the problem with revenge is it cannot be a controlled exercise. Once the bloodshed begins against enemies, the slaughter picks up a momentum of its own and can consume the executioners who started the process.

Consider this: Are some forms of revenge acceptable, and others not? We don't need the fantasies of Tarantino to show the relevance of that question. The Red Army in World War II provides the starkest example of revenge impulses gone berserk.

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Van | 09:10 PM | 09/22/09 | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0) | Categories:

September 13, 2009

Pick to Click: "The Secret Speech" by Tom Rob Smith

On Friday I finished reading "The Secret Speech" by Tom Rob Smith, his smashing sequel to the justly praised "Child 44," about a serial killer in the closing months of Stalinist Russia. Both books captivated me. While the sequel got more mixed reviews on Amazon, I liked it a lot. The plot spins and twists through the territory of loyalty, betrayal, guilt and savagery of Soviet Russia in the 1950s. The prose is what I aspire to as a writer. I could cite many passages; here's one sample set in Budapest's secret police headquarters during the abortive Hungarian Revolution of 1956. Leo is the main character:

The offices were filled with citizens searching through files. Reading by candlelight, men and women thumbed through the information stored about them. Watching many of them cry, Leo didn't need the documents translated. The files contained the names of family and friends who'd denounced them, the words spoken against them. Like a hundred mirrors dropped on the floor, all around he saw faith in mankind shattering.

Wow.

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Van | 11:03 AM | 09/13/09 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: Sensual pleasures

August 19, 2009

Song List for an Imaginary iPod

I recently got a request on Facebook to list 25 random songs on my iPod. Alas, I don't have an iPod, so I've pulled together this imaginary list. It mixes Latin, hearbroken cowboy tunes, some show music, and classic jazz. I could do a separate list for each genre, but this gives a sense of what I like. I've even included some new stuff -- I've heard "Panic Switch" on WXRP in New York and like it, something I have said about maybe five pop songs in the last 25 years.

Without further ado, with lyric selections:

1. Carnivália, Tribalistas
2. Já Sei Namorar, Tribalistas
3. Amor Pra Recomeçar, Roberto Frejat
4. Dois Pra Lá, Dois Pra Cá, Elis Regina
5. Encontros e Despedidas, Maria Rita
6. Nena, Malo
7. Viva Tirado, El Chicano
8. Mr. Brightside, the Killers ("It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?")
9. Panic Switch, Silversun Pickups
10. New World Man, Rush ("He's old enough to know what's right and young enough not to do it")
11. Time Changes Everything, Bob Wills and the Texas Playboys ("You've gone your way and I'll go mine, 'cause time changes everything")
12. Willin’, Little Feat ("I stayed on the back roads so I wouldn't get weighed")
13. Glamorous Life, Sheila E.
14. Closing Time, Semisonic ("Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end")
15. Long Distance Call, Muddy Waters ("There's another mule kickin' in your stall")
16. One of These Nights, the Eagles
17. The Low Spark of High-Heeled Boys, Traffic ("Take me for a ride, strip me of everything including my pride")
18. Gringo Honeymoon, Robert Earl Keen
19. Possession Obsession, Hall and Oates
20. Not a Day Goes By, Bernadette Peters
21. Blue Train, John Coltrane
22. Lush Life, John Coltrane and Johnny Hartman
23. Stranded in Your Love, Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings (with the great line, “Is it romance or circumstance?”)
24. New World Symphony, Antonín Dvořák
25. Remember, Micky and the Motorcars

Van | 07:08 PM | 08/19/09 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: Sensual pleasures

August 17, 2009

From 1982: My First Time – To Visit Israel

[This essay appeared in the English-language weekly section of The Forward newspaper, then a Yiddish daily, on November 14, 1982. I have edited it slightly for clarity.]

“Why are you going?” the security guard at JFK International Airport asked me in a flat voice before I checked my luggage for a summer flight to Israel.

“Me?” I pointed at myself, surprised by this after the expected questions about packing and destinations. “You mean, why am I going to Israel for my vacation?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, because I’m a Jew. I want to see what it’s like.”

“But aren’t you afraid?”

“No. I’ll probably feel safer there than in New York.”

For the first time she smiled and wished me a good trip.

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Van | 03:15 PM | 08/17/09 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: Eretz Yisrael

August 09, 2009

A Baptist Chick in a Halter Top

I confess: my favorite erotic aroma is chlorine. I can’t resist its siren song of smell. Chlorine imprinted itself on me as a pre-teen and I never escaped.

I thank Mrs. Walsh for this. Mrs. Walsh held swimming classes every summer at the pool of the Fontana Motor Hotel in Mission, my home town in the Rio Grande Valley of Texas. The pool reeked of chlorine, which clung to me and wafted around the whole complex. I could even smell it in the Fontana’s lobby, where I wandered after class.

Ever the curious reader, I checked out the magazines in the lobby’s gift shop. There I found Playboy. Golly, I thought, this is a change from Hot Rod and Dave Campbell’s Texas Football. Even then, I knew an 11-year-old shouldn’t really scan Playboy, so I slipped the magazine into another one – male readers know this drill. I flipped through the issue, trying to look nonchalant. But Misses June and July dazzled me with their undraped allure and bubbly smiles.

Case in point: I still swoon for July 1969 cover girl Barbie Benton, a/k/a Barbara Klein. In the unpainted passageways of my brain, the Fontana’s chlorinic aroma mixed with this vision of Barbie on the beach. A whiff of chlorine returns me to July 1969 – those eyes, those shoulders, Barbie’s brown hair tumbling down her curving waterslide of a back. In a flash I’m back in the Fontana’s lobby, where Mrs. Walsh’s class ended and my introduction to another wet side of life began.

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Van | 05:21 PM | 08/09/09 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: Sensual pleasures

July 24, 2009

Jihad in Jersey City?

The shooting of five police officers in Jersey City, leading to the death of one, appeared in a new light to me after I read a gently worded NY Times article yesterday that, typical of the Times, buried the lead. The article focused on Amanda Anderson, the 21 year killed along with gunman Hassian Hosendove, a/k/a Hassan Shakur.

The article had a gloppy-romantic lead:

Like the female counterpart in Bonnie and Clyde, Amanda G. Anderson was a faithful accomplice in crime, who ran from the law with her man and remained at this side in shootouts until the very end.

The article yammered on about how "sweet and quiet" Anderson was, how much fun she had with ex-con Shakur and how he wanted her to convert to Islam.

Other news reports gave more details on Skakur's record and the role of religion in his life. Consider this story, which says,

Jersey City Police Director Sam Jefferson said the pair might have been expecting a confrontation.

“If he got caught by police,” Hosendove said, “he was not going to surrender.”

Hosendove said despite the drugs and guns, her brother, whose given name was Hassan Hosendove, was a devout Muslim and loving father to two children in South Carolina from a previous relationship. As part of his religion, he legally changed his name to Shakur.

Now the story gets interesting. the article says,

Ms. Anderson wore a Muslim headscarf, and kept a low profile. Recordings of what neighbors believed was Koran recitation came from the apartment.

All the articles I've read treat this as a shoot-out with a murderous thug, but I wonder if something else was at play. Did this "devout Muslim and loving father" have visions of 72 virgins in his head when he started gunning down Jersey City cops? What's the real story here?

Van | 03:16 PM | 07/24/09 | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0) | Categories:

July 17, 2009

FrostedFlake150YRS: A JDate Profile for Ruth Madoff

New York magazine recently ran an article about the golden past and grey future of Ruth Madoff, wife of 50 years of Bernie Madoff. She’s the talk of the town; I was recently in a store on the Upper East Side and heard three matrons talking. One asked, “Where do you think Ruth Madoff is going to live?”

With Bernie in jail until 2139, the Feds seizing her palatial homes and her sons refusing to speak with her, Ruth has had to adjust her lifestyle. She’s still got assets, with $2.5 million left to her by the government enough to throw off enough cash annually to pay for a decent, if not opulent, lifestyle.

With Bernie safely out of the way, Ruth can turn to what she really needs in her post-Mistress of the Universe life: a man. After a half-century of bliss with Bernie, Ruth should take a methodical approach to the search for love, combining her considerable charms with just the right spin on her unique circumstances. So, to get Ruth’s quest for romance off to a flying start, here’s my suggestion for a Jdate profile for . . . FrostedFlake150YRS.

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Van | 09:22 AM | 07/17/09 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: NYC

July 10, 2009

Sloshed in the Suburbs: A Report From Westport Vice

Crime round-ups in newpapers are usually dreary, paragraphs on urban mayhem that lack the Dickensian details that make for compelling reading. So imagine my twisted pleasure today when I picked up a copy of the Westport Minuteman, a weekly covering the not-very-crime-riddled streets of Westport, Connecticut, where I once lived.

The "police reports" page provided loving details on the kinds of mayhem the WPD faces daily. I know all the locations discussed in the paper and can picture in my mind the WPD in action involving surly drunks, sodden underage drinkers, and alcohol-fueled confrontations in the parking lot at Trader Joe's on Post Road East (see a theme in these items?).

A number of them dealt with the aftermath of Westport's venerable Fourth of July fireworks event. Having attended this event in the past, I know the fireworks are great and the post-event traffic jams horrendous. Getting stuck in traffic is aggravating, but getting stuck in a traffic jam while inebriated AND holding a law degree sounds like a very bad situation indeed -- one that led one man to babble that his rights were being violated by jack-booted thugs of Westport traffic enforcement. Here is my favorite item in its entirety. The Volvo is an oh-so-Westport detail that's too delicious to omit:

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Van | 05:55 PM | 07/10/09 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: Linkfest

July 05, 2009

Behind the Bedroom Door: Women Write About Sex

The personal essay collection "Behind the Bedroom Door: Essays About Sex by Today's Most Gifted Women Writers," had some striking pieces. The themes varied, from warm and amusing to deeply serious: illness, betrayal, the appeal of greasy leather-clad bad boys, infertility, craziness (in many senses of the word), children's impact on love lives, and lots of sexuality intertwined with drug and alcohol use. Editor Paula Derrow selected essays that are not particularly explicit -- what you would find in Cosmopolitan. Short bios of authors suggest follow-up reading and the website is exceptionally valuable.

If I had to pick a favorite, I'd go with "Turn Me On, Turn Me Off," by Bella Pollen. Its male character made me cringe with a sense of self-recognition, and Pollen has a prose style I like:

A woman's desire is a fragile thing, blown this way and that by the winds of change. Our likes and dislikes flip-flop depending on where, exactly, we are on our personal evolutionary curve, what phase of life we are in. Women have far more roles to play than men, and each comes with its own emotional and physical wish list. We want to be held! We want to be screwed! We want security! Danger! Comfort! Passion! I don't know a woman who isn't constantly torn between the mutually exclusive needs for the intimacy of a long-term relationship and the thrill of a one-night stand. Frankly, we should consider ourselves lucky if we get enough of both. . . . Personally, I find it humbling that men are prepared to ride the roller coaster of women's ever-changing emotional needs.

If you're looking for a summer book that'll make you smile, sigh and maybe even squirm deliciously on your towel at the pool, this is the collection to grab. Share it with someone you love and/or lust after.

Van | 10:57 PM | 07/05/09 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: Sensual pleasures

June 30, 2009

Sharon Lissauer, Madoff Victim of Mystery

A picture in today's New York Times showed Bernard Madoff victim Sharon Lissauer speaking to the press outside the courthouse after Madoff got his 150-year stretch in the Big House. Lissauer's been quoted and photographed before. But today's image struck me. Take a look -- she was dressed to kill, and I don't mean in the sense of wanting to wring Bernie's neck:

Identified in stories as a "former model," Lissauer evidently made the most of the moment, with her mop of blonde curls, form-fitting sleeveless dress and level of comfort in front of the cameras. Is this woman on JDate? She looks like she'd be a hit.

All the articles reveal very little about her. The New York Post quoted her court appearance from Monday:

"I keep on thinking I'm going to wake up from it but it keeps on getting worse," said Sharon Lissauer. "My life and my future have been ruined. I was always so careful with my money."

"I'm begging him if he has any money from offshore accounts from his family if has any hidden money that he disclose it and give it to victims to they can have a little of their lives back," she added.

"Upon reflection, I think he should spend his whole life in jail because what he's done is just despicable. ... He destroyed my spirit and shattered my dreams."

Lissauer broke down crying as she finished her statement.

Photos show her in her apartment. But otherwise, nothing else about Lissauer shows up on the Internet, a curious absence of details for a model who is much in the public eye.

Who is she?

Van | 09:50 PM | 06/30/09 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: - Pintele Yid

June 12, 2009

Now That's Entertainment: Air Sex World Championship Competition Hits NY Tonight

Why did this have to be a kid weekend? Otherwise, I'd hightail down to the Highline Ballroom for the New York City Air Sex Finals. Based on the concept of air guitar, "air sex" is, well, use your imagination.

Part mime, part burlesque and all embarrassing fun, the Air Sex World Championships is holding competitions nationwide. New York is the fourth event of 16, ending in Tucson later this month.

The website uses plenty of photos and videos to carefully explain this difficult and demanding new sport. The rules show the seriousness of this exciting new form of entertainment:

Time: Contestants have a maximum of 2 minutes to perform an air sex routine. This can include all phases of an air sex encounter: meeting, seduction, foreplay and intercourse, or you can simply cut to the chase.

Music: Competitors must perform to music, you can either bring a CD of your performance track with you, or you can choose from our selection of air sex music. You may also include an audio prelude to your performance, maximum of 30 seconds.

Other Rules: Unlike air guitar, there are not many other rules. Props are allowed, teams are allowed, talking is allowed. The only important rule is that all sexual climaxes must be simulated, not real.

From looking at the website, some "brand names" are already emerging. Check out the videos of Slut Truffle in the Austin competition, where her tender, emotionally nuanced performances remind one of nothing so much as an air sex interpretation of "Swan Lake."

Down the road, I can see this becoming a hugely successful TV series, "So You Think You Can Do Air Sex?" with celebrity contestants and judges. I suggest starting with the cast of "One Day at a Time" and then move on to "Lost in Space" so we baby boomers can have performers we identify with. After that, celebrity face-offs, starting with Al Roker vs. Bill O'Reilly.

Van | 08:48 AM | 06/12/09 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: Life and how to live it

June 03, 2009

Uncle Obama Wants YOU to Have a Happy Marriage

The oddest commuter-train poster I've seen lately shows a man and woman in bed. The man is asleep, mouth wide open, presumably in mid-snort. His arms are around a woman who looks back at him with that sitcom-familiar look of exasperation and affection. Oh, those men! The ad text refers to "engagement ring, wedding ring, snoring?" which was pretty clever.

The ad could have been for a TV show, but in fact it came from a program supported by the federal government. It directed readers to the website www.twoofus.org. Who exactly runs the site is a little vague:

The National Healthy Marriage Resource Center (NHMRC) is a national resource and clearinghouse for information and research relating to healthy marriages. We strive to be a "first stop shop" for marriage and family trends and statistics, marriage education and programming, scholarly research, and the latest news and events. In particular, the NHMRC also provides training and technical assistance presentations and documents for federally funded Healthy Marriage Initiative grantees.

The NHMRC supports the Administration for Children and Families, furthering its commitment to promote and support healthy marriages and child well-being by providing research and program information and generating new knowledge about promising and effective strategies.

The Administration for Children and Families is part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

Is this a good use of "stimulus" money?

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Van | 06:21 AM | 06/03/09 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: Linkfest

May 31, 2009

The Accountant and the Jews

I did a quick read of The Accountant's Story: Inside the Violent World of the Medellin Cartel. The author is Roberto Escobar, elder brother of Colombian drug boss Pablo Escobar. The book is easy to flip through and full of details about the Escobars and their world. For veracity, I put it on the level of The Goebbels Diaries -- intriguing, but keep in mind the author and the context. For style, the book reads like Soviet realism. Instead of boy meets tractor, it's boy meets coke.

Some other brave author could shake the story and find a completely different view: The Escobars and the Jews. As the accountant for the cartel, Roberto had to figure out what to do with the billions in cash pouring in. One passage was so striking that I marked the page. Tossed off in the book's uninflected style, it reads:

Laundering money could be very expensive, costing as much as 50 percent of 60 percent of the total value. So there were always people willing to do deals. it wasn't just Pablo who had to launder money; it was everybody working in this business. We all knew the people who would make deals. Among the groups well known for cleaning money were the Jewish people with the black hats, long curled sideburns, and black coats. One of our pilots used their services regularly -- because they only charged 6 percent. They wouldn't get involved with drugs, so to work with them you had to have a convincing story of where the money came from . . . . At that point the money in the suitcase belonged to him. I had two huge guys there with handguns and this little guy would take that suitcase with millions of dollars in cash by himself and wheel it through the streets of New York.

As they say, mazel v'bracha!

In other places, Roberto discusses his brother's security arrangements. As with money laundering, he knew who could provide quality service:

Pablo began his war to defend himself from our enemies by transforming his sicarios [assassins] plus dozens of other men into a trained force. The pilot Jimmy Ellard testified in court that he told Pablo that the security was not good: "And the best thing you can do is employ American Green Berets." he said he had contacts in America to accomplish that, he said. Pablo said thank you very much, but informed him that he had hired his own military people to do the training,. Later it was learned that these were Israeli and British mercenary soldiers hired to train people in the methods of warfare that would be necessary.

Somebody with a keen investigative bent could look at these tossed-off lines and come up with an unnerving book. Maybe it's already out there, for sale in fine synagogue gift shops everywhere.

I'll look next at Killing Pablo by Mark Bowden, book that is supposed to be a movie for release one of these days.

Van | 12:50 PM | 05/31/09 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: Natural disasters

May 25, 2009

Shoe Porn, Male Division

Women and shoes, shoes and women -- that's what makes the world go around, to paraphrase Lenny Bruce. He actually said something spicier, but you get the point.

I've always told friends that women have most of the fun in life in the fashion arena. Shopping involves such drama, such choice, such consultations, so different from the find it-size it-buy it approach men take. The looks has to be right for the occasion, the style has to say something, the heel has to be just the right height.

I decided I wanted to get in on the action, and recently I find the male shoe porn guide at, of all places, the Sears store in Danbury, Connecticut. There, I found the spring 2009 workboot catalog. While this footwear won't get applause during Fashion Week in New York, the collection had me eagerly thumbing through pages thinking, "I want this and this and, yes, those." What did I see?

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Van | 10:19 PM | 05/25/09 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: Life and how to live it

May 21, 2009

Aunt Charlotte Chronicles: "Vaa-yun, Where's My Letter?"

My brother Cooper and I were young and puzzled. Our mother Shirley and her older sister Charlotte sometimes talked about “Dear Momma” and “Dear Poppa.” Who were they?

Mom explained, “When we were little girls, we saw our mother writing letters. Charlotte and I asked her, ‘Who are you writing to?’ And our mother told us, ‘To Dear Momma and Dear Poppa.’” That is, my grandmother Eva Lissner wrote to her parents, Esther and Lehman Michelson of Gonzales, Texas. So granddaughters Shirley and Charlotte forever referred to their grandparents as Dear Momma and Dear Poppa.

I always associate this story with the fast-vanishing grace of letter writing. Esther and Lehman, my great-grandparents, were born in the 1860s, so the family chain of devoted correspondents goes way back. In my mind's eye, my grandmother Eva saw her mother Esther writing to her mother Charlotte (my aunt's namesake) and back into time’s embracing mist.

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Van | 08:24 PM | 05/21/09 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: Life and how to live it

May 16, 2009

Out of the Orange and Into the Black: Life at Princeton and Beyond

[Princeton University, my alma mater, holds its Reunions weekend at the end of May. Next year I'll have my 30th reunion for the Class of 1980. Looking ahead to that, I'm looking back at the essay I wrote for the 25th reunion book in 2005, edited for a general audience with bracketed comments updating the essay four years later.]

Even before my first class (Spanish 101 at 185 Nassau Street, consistent of Arlene and 15 guys), Princeton was a disaster, and it never improved. On the Outdoor Action camping trip before Freshman Week I sliced my hand open with a knife, severing two tendons, and ended my first week of classes in surgery at the Princeton Medical Center, not partying. A cast covered my left arm halfway up to my elbow for the next six weeks.

Fall of sophomore year I took Math 103 on a pass/fail basis -- and failed. Has this ever happened in the history of Princeton? I doubt it.

Continue reading " Out of the Orange and Into the Black: Life at Princeton and Beyond"

Van | 10:41 AM | 05/16/09 | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: Life and how to live it

April 26, 2009

Our Hairy Jewish Bodies, Ourselves

Let’s not beat around the bush. I’m that hairy Jewish guy, built more like Esau than Jacob, who comics and cartoonists love to lampoon. While I’m bald on top, genetics compensated me with swirls of fur everywhere else: arms, legs, shoulders and back. I’d be a terrible criminal because I leave curly DNA evidence everywhere I go.

The look has pleased me since a line of hair first ran down my chest starting in the seventh grade. An early bloomer, I was. I still delight to see the hair poke up at the top of my shirts, like a wash of black foam on a beach of skin. At real beaches, I shuck my shirt to stroll about in my barrel-chested Russian-Jewish glory. At my health club, sleeveless t-shirts display my shoulders and their halo of hair, what I see as a living tattoo of shapes, shadows and textures.

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Van | 10:36 PM | 04/26/09 | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: Doing Jewish

April 05, 2009

Futurenews: Pope Goes Ballistic Over Obama Gift Goof

JUNE 1, 2009: Pope Benedict XVI had to be restrained by a squad of Swiss Guards today after he reacted negatively to gifts presented to him by President Obama during his first visit to the Vatican.

The episode represented the latest misstep by the President in his meetings with world leaders. Ill-conceived gifts have led observers to question the President and the State Department's grasp of diplomatic protocol.

Sources said the meeting in the Pope's office went well until it entered what diplomats call the "Christmas morning" phase. President and Mrs. Obama had four gifts in brightly colored wrapping for the Pontiff, born Joseph Ratzinger in Bavaria, Germany in 1927.

He eagerly unwrapped the first present, which turned out to be a collection of flavored condoms. "He found the gift to be of questionable taste and not appropriate for the Successor of the Throne of St. Peter, and he expressed that point clearly to the Obamas," said a source. "The President said the Pope should 'chill,' advice that the Holy Father did not hear."

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Van | 11:01 AM | 04/05/09 | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: - Across the Pond

March 26, 2009

Idan Raichel Project Rocks the House in Ridgefield

I had never even heard of Israeli musician Idan Raichel until a few weeks ago when a friend tipped me off to Idan and his group, the Idan Raichel Project. Based on the good taste of my music source, I bought the new CD "Within My Walls" at the Virgin Megastore early in its closing sale. I liked the CD, but the mix of languages and styles made it hard for me to get a grip on the music. My image of the music tied very closely to Idan, a fashion-forward looking guy in dreadlocks on the cover of the album.

Still, I jumped at the chance to expand my music horizons last Sunday when the Project played, improbably enough, at the Ridgefield Playhouse here in the Nutmeg State. I snagged second-row seats, which gave me and a friend a fantastic view of what turned out to be an amazingly memorable performance -- one of the bravura music shows I've ever seen.

What the CD barely even hints at is the Project's great stage presence. Looking at the CD, I thought of the group as a one-man sort of operation, Idan center stage, dreadlocks gently swaying like Hebraic seaweed to the tune of mellow Kenny G-like vibes.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. While the group leader, Idan stayed to stage left behind his electric keyboard and let the other nine members of the group carry the show. The musicianship and great vocal power of two women and a man created a varied, propulsive show that I didn't want to see end -- it was that good. Even the pacing worked well, as tempos and moods varied.

The evening ended with enthusiastic standing ovations, lots of picture taking (the Project didn't mind at all), and a real sense of people coming together under a common musical experience. I've listened to the CD more since then and it hangs together much better now that I have visual images to connect to it.

If you see the Idan Raichel Project coming to your town, then run, don't walk, to get tickets. Tell them Van sent you.

Van | 10:07 PM | 03/26/09 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: Doing Jewish

March 20, 2009

Shards of Faith, Reassembled

I wear a chai — the Jewish letter symbolizing life — around my neck. I’ve studied Hebrew and Yiddish, have visited Israel, subscribe to Jewish newspapers, and have been told I look rabbinical. In fact, my great-great-grandfather, Heinrich Schwarz, was the first ordained rabbi in Texas.

Hearing this religious background, you would never imagine my spiritual journey began as a New Testament-reading, hell-fearing member of the First Baptist Church of Mission, Texas. How the heck, so to speak, did that happen? And how did I return to Judaism?

Continue reading " Shards of Faith, Reassembled"

Van | 07:06 AM | 03/20/09 | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: Doing Jewish

March 17, 2009

Justice for Bernie: Waterboard Him, Over and Over

The Forward newspaper ran an article recently about possible punishments for Bernard Madoff. It says,

Life in prison is considered probable for Madoff, who pleaded guilty Thursday to 11 criminal charges. But that’s just for starters. How about toilet-cleaning duty in the slammer, a job as a Wal-Mart greeter or simply oblivion?

I found all these suggestions surprisingly pedestrian. I think Madoff should be treated for what he is: a terrorist who undermined the financial system of the United States, especially the Jewish community. In moral terms, he is no different than the worst of the lot at Gitmo.

Like Khalid Sheik Mohammed and others, Madoff has information that the government needs to know. In Madoff's case, we need to know how he pulled the scam off, who helped him and where the money went. It seems like he's not talking.

Fortunately, the U.S. government has ways of making Madoff talk. My idea: Put him in an orange jump suit and pack him off to Guantanamo Bay, where he can hang with his fellow Jew-haters, talk about their big scores and plan their efforts to hire pro-bono lawyers and get more of their rancid poetry published.

Given that Bernie is no doubt a physical and moral puffball, a quick round of waterboard bingo with an experienced interrogator should get him to crack faster than Aunt Goldie's piggy bank, which he probably raided. I have no qualms about using the technique on him, which he might consider an excellent form of penance. Shake every penny out of him, then get him back in the general population, which will revere him as the greatest cause of harm to Jews since . . . oh, you can imagine.

After Bernie spills the beans, occasional waterboard sessions might be good for his moral development, and good practice for newbie interrogators.

May he live to be 120!

Van | 10:43 PM | 03/17/09 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: Doing Jewish

March 10, 2009

Violence in Northern Ireland: Erin Go Gaza?

In September 1984, during a backpacking trip, I somewhat whimsically decided I had to check out Northern Ireland. The Troubles raged through the province. I took the train from Dublin to Belfast and stayed at Queens University for several days while I took buses and trains into the countryside. The place had a distinctly non-touristy feel. I've followed the area's politics with interest since then.

The new killings of soldiers and police are alarming, after a decade of peace, more or less. If the Irish Republic Army's splinter wing is beginning a terror campaign, I wonder if it will emulate Palestinian terror groups to retool its imagery and messaging. Analysts have seen links between the groups, but as I recall, the IRA never really won the hearts of left-wing loons, like the PLO and its successors have. This time around, I bet the IRA could score major points with progressives by a few simple tweaks of its communications strategy. Let's call in Operation Erin Go Gaza.

Continue reading " Violence in Northern Ireland: Erin Go Gaza?"

Van | 09:57 PM | 03/10/09 | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: WWIV

March 05, 2009

"Tonight: Lola Blau" to Appear at La MaMa in NYC

The one-woman play "Tonight: Lola Blau" starts next Friday, March 13, at New York's La MaMa theater at 74A East 4th Street. Written in 1971, the play deals with some sensitive and always compelling post-Holocaust issues. The website describes them succinctly:

Lola Blau is a Jewish singer trying to find work in Nazi-occupied Vienna. Escaping to the United States, she is obliged to sing in seedy nightclubs before achieving fame. After the war, she returns, with some trepidation, to Vienna. Her story is told in a nearly continuous flow of seventeen Kurt Weill-style songs, each cleverly evoking a mood, a period or environment in wickedly accurate parody and pastiche. In Lola's return concert, she slyly condemns all those who failed to notice the disappearance of six million Jews and confronts the audience with its prejudices. She dares the audience to share Kreisler's (the composer's) disgust at Austria's posing as a victim of Nazism rather than as a collaborator.

I for one doubt I'll have any difficult sharing Lola's disgust at Austria.

Playing the part of Lola is Anna Krämer, who has appeared in both New York and Germany.

"Tonight: Lola Blau" has only six performances, so if this sounds intriguing, get to the phones. And at $15, the tickets are a bargain.

(Truth in blogging: Through circumstances too complicated to describe here, I edited materials for the program guide. So, support the play and you get the pleasure of reading my sparkling, if uncredited, prose.)

Van | 09:23 PM | 03/05/09 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: Sensual pleasures

March 04, 2009

Idan and Hank III: My Last Waltz at the Virgin Megastore

As soon as I read in the Wall Street Journal yesterday that all the Virgin Megastores are closing, I knew what I had to do. The flagship Times Square location is only three blocks from my office, so at lunch I raced over, ready to scoop up whatever caught my fancy.

The depressingly common "Everything Must Go!" sale looked like it had started days before. I beelined to the World Music section, where I already found evidence of shrinking stocks. I looked around, the floor reeling under my feet like a sinking ship. The retail music scene I loved was collapsing on me again. This time, however, no new store stands in the wings to claim my affection and shopping dollar.

To get the full context of my intense connection to music retailers, let's rewind a few years.

Continue reading " Idan and Hank III: My Last Waltz at the Virgin Megastore"

Van | 10:45 AM | 03/04/09 | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Categories: Sensual pleasures