Marines Charged With DUI, Sexual Battery On ‘Price Is Right’ Gameshow

01/14/2013 1 Comment

Marines Charged With DUI, Sexual Battery On ‘Price Is Right’ Gameshow

BURBANK, CA — A recent taping of the Price is Right ended abruptly when Marine Lance Corporal Evan Boger drunkenly crashed a car on set causing over $100,000 in damages. Police responded to the scene, charging Boger with driving under the influence, and Corporal Ernesto Arvayo with misdemeanor sexual battery in an incident involving one [...]

01/13/2013 Leave a Comment

Sergeant Major Angered At Lack of Asbestos In Newly Constructed Barracks

FORT CARSON, CO – Command Sergeant Major Allen Gibson of the 24th Air-to-Air Combat Drone Squadron, upon inspecting barracks built for his Battalion, became irate after being told that no asbestos or other hazardous materials were used in the construction process. Upon arrival to the construction site the Sergeant Major began sharpshooting the foreman as if he were sitting [...]

01/12/2013 Leave a Comment

Marine Mascot ‘Chesty’ The Bulldog Accidentally Euthanized

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Commandant of the Marine Corps General James Amos plans to fire multiple senior Marine Corps leaders after a paperwork error led to beloved Marine Corps mascot Chesty the Bulldog accidentally being euthanized. Colonel David Motari, head of the Marines’ K-9 Corps, has already been relieved over the incident, which occurred after funding [...]

01/11/2013 1 Comment

Seal Team 6 Calls ‘Zero Dark Thirty’ Inaccurate; Say They Don’t Pop Collars Or Wear Tapout Gear

VIRGINIA BEACH, VA – An anonymous Public Affairs Officer (PAO) for Seal Team Six says the movie “Zero Dark Thirty” is factually inaccurate, portraying Seal Team Six members like the douchebags from Seal Team Two. “At one point Joel Edgarton’s character wears a polo shirt with a popped collar,” the PAO said. “Team Six doesn’t [...]

01/11/2013 Leave a Comment

Chief To Airmen: Just Say No To Autoerotic Asphyxiation

NELLIS AFB, NV – Airmen in the 57th Wing at Nellis Air Force Base learned a valuable lesson this week when Chief Master Sergeant Tate Watson, the wing command chief, convened an emergency enlisted All Call to address the recent rash of suicides that have rocked the wing. “I’m just going to say it straight [...]